I am reason my ex friend is "Depressed."

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Though it's been quite a while ago now, I had a falling out with a man with Asperger's due to a number of reasons. A few to name.
1. He had a crush on me but I did not feel the same way
2. I stayed with him and two friends of his at a convention in 2015 and he acted differently when all three of them were together - where they were very opinionated and put me down on a number of occasions.
3. When we re-connected after taking a break he would only contact me looking for sympathy whenever a relationship didn't work out between him and some girl. Otherwise, he never had time to talk.
4. The last straw was when he used me to ride with him to a college town outside of my city over some girl who he met online at a dating site who kept leading him around. So he wanted to know that he could go to this town without the worry of running into her
5. He didn't like any of my friends

So the last several times that I have seen him, he's been really bitter and cold towards me and has often avoided me. I saw him last Friday and he did his thing of course by avoiding me and giving me looks as well as seeming to have a pity party and whining to other people around.

I emailed him today and said that I was concerned about his behavior and that he might need to speak to a professional. It turns out that he was already depressed prior to rejecting him and that he's been really depressed since I rejected him nearly three years ago. Then he went onto say that I hurt him and his friends at that convention. "You know how we are with our Asperger's where we fixate on things."

Ooo ... can you say "Guilt trip"? I'm sure you can!

His is the classic form, practiced by narcissists everywhere.

1) Play on your sympathies in private.
2) Abuse you in public.
3) Blame you for his "hurt feelings", of which he likely has none.

Your best course of action would be to "Ghost" him -- cut off all contact with him, and don't respond to his attempts to draw you back in to his toxic little world. He's a manipulator, plain and clear. You are better off without him.

Fnord's right, tell him to hit the road and ignore further communications.

Fnord and Richard are right. That guy is a narcissistic as*hole. You need to cut off all contact with him. You don't need to be getting emotionally abused by this guy.

You're not the root cause, some people are just quicker to blame someone else.

Keep in mind that these were three years ago...

I read the email a little closer which felt like a sharp knife earlier but of the things he said:
1. He never had a crush on me but just like to hug and snuggle because he was "Going through a rough time" which is admits was wrong.He snuggled on my couch with me and started playing with my hair which was kind of nice. I thought he would kiss e which I did not mind. Then he got up and started acting really strange. "Well, you need to get to bed. I won't even text you when I get home." Then he picked up his bag and stormed out the door.

2. The first blow was because I hated his friends who I roomed with at the convention and even after we "Made up."

On the second one, his friends were very disrespectful, opinionated and arrogant. When all three of them were together, it was as if all of them were trying to fit in and be "Cool" For instance, they all agreed as a clique that they were not going to eat at this one restaurant because of some political stuff. It was "I'm not eating there," than the other two chimed in one at a time, "Me neither," "Yeah me neither." I also felt like when they were together, it was like walking on eggshells around them.


During the second round,he was just miserable and honestly whined the last time we were together about this and that. "My stomach hurts right now." "I feel really sad right now." Oh the way he says "Right now." I also had my bathroom redone during the first break and he could not even be happy for that. For example, I had my bathtub removed and turned into a shower while getting new tile. He goes, "I miss your bathtub and your tiling is different." I asked if he didn't like it, I got "Just...GO DO YOUR THING! Hurry up and get dressed."

Sounds complicated and not much fun.

I saw him on Friday and the entire time he pretty much scowled and pouted. I asked him in the email why he didn't say hi and he said that seeing me is too "Painful" for him that he can't even wave or say "Hi." Even when he was swimming back and forth in the pool, he had a pretty miserable look on his face.

I think that you should really start ghosting this guy. He's as toxic as Hell, and he'll only enjoy making you suffer.

I will and the more that I think about things, I see that. He's getting me for "Hating his friends" at momo con and for constantly continuing to bring them up after we re-connected. The truth is, they were very arrogant honestly, I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them. In fact, they behaved like a clique. It also seemed that just about everytime I said something would set them off. The three of them together were drama. I was trying to let him know how I felt but he kept trying to sweep things under the rug.

Examples-
1. One of his close friends, who was the queen bee, got mad at me for comparing Doc Lewis to Fat Albert in the video game "Punchout."
2. A second time that queen bee was getting ready and was talking about Bowser. So I asked them if they had ever seen Annoying Orange because they did a funny reference to Super Mario. She was really snotty about it. "Yes but don't ever mention that again." Ok, excuse me for breathing lady.
3. My ex-friend tried to accuse me of putting gum on the laptop of the queen bee which I did not do.
4. We were waiting in line to do Let's Play together at one point and I had to use the bathroom but could not find one right. One of his friends calls me. Well the next thing I know, my ex-friend gets really condescending and hands me my con booklet. "At least remember to take your stuff." At that point, I just left and went to do my own thing because I was growing tired of their crap.

I will ignore him next time I see him because I met some other cool people at the same event who seemed to more enjoyable anyway. . Honestly, since I cut that person out of my life, it's been just fine and I have had plenty of other people and things to enjoy.

Suggestion: Don't just ignore him, pretend he isn't even there; and if he approaches you, raise your voice loud enough for everyone to hear, and say something like "Stop stalking me, you pervert!" That should alert more people to your situation.

Oh, and please consider not sending him "just one last text". Your last message to him should have already been sent long, long ago.

He pretty much made it clear that he doesn't want to be friends again and nor does he want to talk to me because "I hurt him" three years ago. Seeing me is evidently "Too painful for him." Yet he has no problem trying to do whatever he can to get attention.

On his facebook page, he does whatever he can to get attention too. For example, he acknowledged that Facebook is "Public" and rattled off a list of reasons why his life sucks and how he's been sick, how he's depressed, how he's learning to select the right friends.

Anyway, thank you very much everyone because when I first read his response email, I felt bad but another side of me realized that he wasn't taking much responsibility. It just appears that person is just a user and an abuser and if none of you feel comfortable either then I will stay clear of him.

I think it would be best to leave him alone.

It sounds as though he's going through the kind of emotions that some people face during their teens and while that may be hard for him I doubt that you can do much to help.

Then he would be very immature because he's in his 30's and is acting like this. Anyway, in the last exchange of emails, he denied having any sort of crush on me but just liked getting hugs and snuggles because he was going through a rough time them. However, that wasn't the only things he used me for.

I am sure I probably already mentioned this but the last time we got together, he invited me on a road trip during the holidays in 2015. It turned out the only reason he wanted to visit this city was that he was let down by someone who he had been talking to on J Date. He wanted to know that he could go to this city without having the anxiety of bumping into her and invited me along for support. The entire time we were together, he was not that excited to see me and nor was he all that happy. In fact, there were several times that he seemed to snap at me.

I kept trying to bring up his friends from the convention because I felt there were very disrespectful and arrogant. He didn't like it and felt that I kept bringing them "In our business" as he last put. In all honesty, though he and those two treated me very poorly. I was trying to bring up them into our business because they were partially responsible for the downfall of our friendship too. He did not like that one bit. Yet, it was okay for him to hate my friends and pick them apart. In fact, he trashed them during my stay in that hotel room.


Chronos, believe me, it is not a problem leaving him alone because I discovered that I was have been better off without him and that will continue. At first, I felt bad that I let him down but then I realize that he has some self-esteem issues that sound like they have been going on before I cut him out of my life.

You have already done quite a lot for him but it doesn't look like he is ready to acknowledge that, move on and be friends. It's a pity but it's his loss.