Is this sort of thing common for outsiders?

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Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2018, 8:34 am

Once upon a time I worked for an amusement park for three years and seemed to get along with everyone pretty well despite my quirks. However, right as spring was rolling in, they decided not to hire me back after dealing with 4 months of unemployment and struggling to find a job. Long story short, I had went to them for comfort and support. However, they were callous and dismissive with me.

"It's all for the best, you were not happy here anymore. Gotta go bye."

Is this response common if you are an outsider or an "Odd person out."



Fnord
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30 Jul 2018, 9:10 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Once upon a time I worked for an amusement park for three years and seemed to get along with everyone pretty well despite my quirks. However, right as spring was rolling in, they decided not to hire me back after dealing with 4 months of unemployment and struggling to find a job. Long story short, I had went to them for comfort and support. However, they were callous and dismissive with me.

"It's all for the best, you were not happy here anymore. Gotta go bye."

Is this response common if you are an outsider or an "Odd person out."
Yes. It is common. They obviously did not have the guts to discuss with you the real reasons that had for not wanting to hire you again.

Bit of advice: Places of employment are not places to seek "comfort and support". They're places to exchange your labor for their money. Only this, and nothing more.



Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2018, 9:46 am

Several of the crew members there bonded and formed friendships and even did things outside of work. Likewise, I appeared to connect with them and they called me a "Friend" but my mom pointed out a few months before the general manager let me down that these "Friends" looked like they were not interested in me.

These "Friends" are the ones who kicked me when I was down.



Fnord
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30 Jul 2018, 9:50 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Several of the crew members there bonded and formed friendships and even did things outside of work. Likewise, I appeared to connect with them and they called me a "Friend" but my mom pointed out a few months before the general manager let me down that these "Friends" looked like they were not interested in me. These "Friends" are the ones who kicked me when I was down.
Yes ... you can be friendly with co-workers, but never a friend -- this is something I've lived with for most of my professional career. It took a couple of very hard knocks to learn it; but once learned, it's never forgotten.

Beware of co-workers with whom you seem to bond -- they'll turn on you the quickest, and use everything the know about you to run you down and life themselves up in your place. In other words, your best friend at work will likely be the first to stab you in the back, the last to say anything in your defense, or both.



Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2018, 10:04 am

Fnord wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Several of the crew members there bonded and formed friendships and even did things outside of work. Likewise, I appeared to connect with them and they called me a "Friend" but my mom pointed out a few months before the general manager let me down that these "Friends" looked like they were not interested in me. These "Friends" are the ones who kicked me when I was down.
Yes ... you can be friendly with co-workers, but never a friend -- this is something I've lived with for most of my professional career. It took a couple of very hard knocks to learn it; but once learned, it's never forgotten.

Beware of co-workers with whom you seem to bond -- they'll turn on you the quickest, and use everything the know about you to run you down and life themselves up in your place. In other words, your best friend at work will likely be the first to stab you in the back, the last to say anything in your defense, or both.


I had an experience like that with someone like that in another company after the amusement park where I got "Stabbed in the back" and treated like crap. However, she had a huge issue with lying and did this to others too.



Magna
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30 Jul 2018, 10:11 am

My experiences are similar to Fnord's Through the years and through a number of jobs I've found that co-workers being "friends" has been most meaningful to me when the "friendships" with them are nothing more than perhaps some interesting and brief conversations over the cubicle walls. Basically getting along with my co-workers while and work and not thinking of them as friends outside of work or seeking any friendships with them outside of work.

I've been in management for about 15 years and none of my employees are my "friends". A friendship between a manager and employee can be a recipe for disaster....



Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2018, 10:41 am

Magna wrote:
My experiences are similar to Fnord's Through the years and through a number of jobs I've found that co-workers being "friends" has been most meaningful to me when the "friendships" with them are nothing more than perhaps some interesting and brief conversations over the cubicle walls. Basically getting along with my co-workers while and work and not thinking of them as friends outside of work or seeking any friendships with them outside of work.

I've been in management for about 15 years and none of my employees are my "friends". A friendship between a manager and employee can be a recipe for disaster....


There were two people at one of my last jobs who dated off and on for 2 and a half years who had different disabilities but things became really serious because
1. She wanted to get married and he did not
2. She lived in a group home under a guardianship and wanted to move in with him
3. His mother didn't approve of her
4. She was much older than he was

After he dumped her, she tried to make it work by getting them back together in which he resisted. The more that happened, the angrier she grew at him to the point of retaliation though she would not take "No" for an answer. One one hand she was writing him little love letters and the other, she would send him emails and insult another woman he was dating. I understand that she was taken advantage of for sex but her bad behavior spilled into her work which eventually got her fired because she was so angry.



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30 Jul 2018, 11:37 am

Dating at work is completely different than friends at work. You can have workplace friends, they may or may not prove to be true friends (to the best of my knowledge, I never got stabbed in the back by one) but once you cross the line into romance/sex, the volatility and potential for damage goes up exponentially. Now that I think of it I have never dated anyone I worked with, but the story you told is all too familiar.


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Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2018, 11:55 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Dating at work is completely different than friends at work. You can have workplace friends, they may or may not prove to be true friends (to the best of my knowledge, I never got stabbed in the back by one) but once you cross the line into romance/sex, the volatility and potential for damage go up exponentially. Now that I think of it I have never dated anyone I worked with, but the story you told is all too familiar.


The entire experience was both annoying and stressful to watch unfold and even during their two-year experience, she would flirt with him at work and do things like slapping his butt. Then they broke up and that was stressful too because it was awkward having the two of them work in a room together because of the tension. Though he really hurt her and my co-workers let him get away with his "I'm the victim" by taking his side, I was honestly glad that she left because it got old fast.



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30 Jul 2018, 5:49 pm

I try to be friendly and get along with coworkers at work. I know I will never have friendships with any of them outside of work because I'm the oddball and nobody wants to be more than acquaintances with me. I like my current coworkers though. In my experience, it is best to not expect anyone to care about me other than my parents and siblings.

I think people definitely need to not have romantic relationships with coworkers or bosses because that creates a lot of unnecessary drama in the workplace.

Bosses and employees shouldn't be besties with each other. It makes it hard for the boss to be objective with performance evaluations and problems that could come up with other employees. Other employees sometimes get left out from receiving important information and may not feel part of the team if the boss is besties with another employee. Work turns into a clique when that happens.



rick42
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30 Jul 2018, 6:05 pm

I tried to have conversations with Co Workers,but they usually ether ignore me or bully me or simply not actually have a real conversation,but would say things like "I'm too busy" "get away from me" "back off"etc.But this also happens when I try to meet people outside work as well.I believe this is extremely common if not a certainty for Aspies not only within the work place,but outside of the work place as well.



Chronos
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30 Jul 2018, 6:18 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Once upon a time I worked for an amusement park for three years and seemed to get along with everyone pretty well despite my quirks. However, right as spring was rolling in, they decided not to hire me back after dealing with 4 months of unemployment and struggling to find a job. Long story short, I had went to them for comfort and support. However, they were callous and dismissive with me.

"It's all for the best, you were not happy here anymore. Gotta go bye."

Is this response common if you are an outsider or an "Odd person out."


Work "friends":

1. You are both there for money.
2. You both have to be relatively civil towards each other.
3. You both have to avoid getting in to fights with each other even if you have differing politics.
4. Employment often trumps intercoworker loyalty.

Friend friends:
1. You associate with each other because you like each other.
2. You can can tell your friend off withoutosing your job.
3. You can fight about politics without losing your job, but probably won't get in to political fights as you probably have similar political views.
4. Friendship loyalty is a priority.

sometimes people who work together socialize outside of work together, but they're still work friends not friend friends. They can become friend friends if they no longer work together but until then the circumstance of the relationship being bounded by employment prevents it.