Can you tell when someone's perception of you changes?
I mean, in conversations with another person that you don't know well or have just met, can you tell when their perception of you changes?
It might be hard for me to describe this, but sometimes I've been convinced I can tell when someone who doesn't know me that I'm talking to makes a judgement that I'm "off" in some way and their demeanor changes ever so slightly.
It happened this morning. I'll recount the exchange here. I'll call the guy: "Dave" "Dave" is a client of my work that I've talked to on the phone many times over the years but I've never met in person.
Me: "Hi Dave! Good to see you drop by. How are you?"
Dave: "Oh, good! How are you?"
Me: "Fine. Are you going to be able to get out and ride on your motorcycle today? (I make miming hand gestures as I ask him that as if I'm holding onto handlebars).
Dave: "I think I will be able to. I'm planning on it anyway. We'll see what happens. My wife owns a horse and I guess we're going out to the stable she keeps the horse at."
Me: "Wow, that's cool (smiles because people like that and it shows that you're interested in what they're talking about and a surprised look on my face as well for good measure). I used to ride and tinker on motorcycles way back when I was single and had no kids."
Dave: "Oh yeah. I take it pretty easy when I'm out riding now at my age but I still love it."
Me: "Thankfully I never got hurt on the motorcycles. The worst that happened to me was taking a turn too slowly and the bike started to tip. When that happens even the Incredible Hulk wouldn't be strong enough to keep the bike from going down."
I feel that nervous vibe I think I'm giving off and that he's picking up on or something. I stop "broadcasting" the nervous vibe. He seems like I'm keeping him even though we've barely started talking at all. He doesn't seem quite as friendly as when we started talking.
Dave: "That's for sure. especially when there's any sand or gravel on the road."
Me: "Well, I won't keep you. Have a great day out there."
Dave: "You too."
I just don't think I'm imagining that there's some point in the conversation where something changes. Actually it also happened with a different person also at work today and also someone that I'd never met. This particular person sat down at my desk and I had to access something in my PC and print something off for him that took a few minutes. I asked him how his summer was going and asked him what he liked to do during the summer. He said he liked to golf and had been out fishing a few times. I told him I'd like to be able to get out to fish but I've just been too busy. I could feel myself turning my head to the side of him and ceasing to make eye contact as I feel the strong need to do when I'm actively talking to someone. Same thing, during the conversation I get the feeling that was not there at the beginning of what feels to me like he doesn't want to be there or talk anymore.
Granted, both examples are work related and I could assume they both had places to be and that it was nothing personal against me. However, the same kind of thing happens in most conversations outside of work too. I'm meticulous about my mouth and body hygiene so I know I don't have halitosis or body odor. Perhaps humans ARE sensitive enough to pick up on a "vibe" alone.....
Does anything like this happen to any of you?
I think it's easier to tell after the fact. I also feel like I often feel a connection is stronger than it is. I think this may have to do with some black and white thinking, but also the fact that what I'm feeling is very strong. I can have an everyday interaction with someone, and feel like it's more because the positive feelings I have are very strong. Later, I realize that for them it wasn't anything special. So it could be that their perception of me hasn't changed, but my understanding of the situation from their point of view has.
ShiningStar25
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 1 Aug 2018
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 25
Location: All around the world!
This doesn’t happen just at work for me. It happens all of the time. Any person, a conversations starts out great then I form friendships then when they start knowing me as a person their vocabulary and tone changes and I can tell they’re off because I prefer a routine and sometimes I can sense it in other people as well. When my anxiety worsens for example because I see how they act around others and its like ??? Did I do something wrong? At the end of the day I don’t think its any of us doing anything wrong but the others for not realising it or just shrugging it off we’ll get the idea sooner even though we never will.
When people speak of a "vibe" (like when you get a "vibe" that you have turned someone off but you can't be sure) I think it's the little microexpressions and tiny changes in body language that you don't consciously pick up on, but it's enough that you notice that something has become different.
I've gotten better myself over the years at picking up on these little facial changes, especially when doing something like a job interview, where the conversation is very much one on one and it's in an enclosed space. I notice if/when things have changed and I have started to notice these things out in the general public as well. It's little things like a raised eyebrow or a tightened smile.
_________________
That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
It might be hard for me to describe this, but sometimes I've been convinced I can tell when someone who doesn't know me that I'm talking to makes a judgement that I'm "off" in some way and their demeanor changes ever so slightly.
It happened this morning. I'll recount the exchange here. I'll call the guy: "Dave" "Dave" is a client of my work that I've talked to on the phone many times over the years but I've never met in person.
Me: "Hi Dave! Good to see you drop by. How are you?"
Dave: "Oh, good! How are you?"
Me: "Fine. Are you going to be able to get out and ride on your motorcycle today? (I make miming hand gestures as I ask him that as if I'm holding onto handlebars).
Dave: "I think I will be able to. I'm planning on it anyway. We'll see what happens. My wife owns a horse and I guess we're going out to the stable she keeps the horse at."
Me: "Wow, that's cool (smiles because people like that and it shows that you're interested in what they're talking about and a surprised look on my face as well for good measure). I used to ride and tinker on motorcycles way back when I was single and had no kids."
Dave: "Oh yeah. I take it pretty easy when I'm out riding now at my age but I still love it."
Me: "Thankfully I never got hurt on the motorcycles. The worst that happened to me was taking a turn too slowly and the bike started to tip. When that happens even the Incredible Hulk wouldn't be strong enough to keep the bike from going down."
I feel that nervous vibe I think I'm giving off and that he's picking up on or something. I stop "broadcasting" the nervous vibe. He seems like I'm keeping him even though we've barely started talking at all. He doesn't seem quite as friendly as when we started talking.
Dave: "That's for sure. especially when there's any sand or gravel on the road."
Me: "Well, I won't keep you. Have a great day out there."
Dave: "You too."
I just don't think I'm imagining that there's some point in the conversation where something changes. Actually it also happened with a different person also at work today and also someone that I'd never met. This particular person sat down at my desk and I had to access something in my PC and print something off for him that took a few minutes. I asked him how his summer was going and asked him what he liked to do during the summer. He said he liked to golf and had been out fishing a few times. I told him I'd like to be able to get out to fish but I've just been too busy. I could feel myself turning my head to the side of him and ceasing to make eye contact as I feel the strong need to do when I'm actively talking to someone. Same thing, during the conversation I get the feeling that was not there at the beginning of what feels to me like he doesn't want to be there or talk anymore.
Granted, both examples are work related and I could assume they both had places to be and that it was nothing personal against me. However, the same kind of thing happens in most conversations outside of work too. I'm meticulous about my mouth and body hygiene so I know I don't have halitosis or body odor. Perhaps humans ARE sensitive enough to pick up on a "vibe" alone.....
Does anything like this happen to any of you?
Sounds like this person was wanting to talk more about himself and was hoping you'd ask questions about him. Don't let it worry you. Find people who will be more interested in asking you questions and who will make you want to ask questions of them. I don't think you were out of line at all for initiating a convo about bikes. It's a common passion, especially for men, and any logical person would be expecting another guy to be at least willing to get into the chat. Yet not many people own or like horses. You see what I mean? You were not in the wrong - he was.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
_________________
"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a great wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)
I've gotten better myself over the years at picking up on these little facial changes, especially when doing something like a job interview, where the conversation is very much one on one and it's in an enclosed space. I notice if/when things have changed and I have started to notice these things out in the general public as well. It's little things like a raised eyebrow or a tightened smile.
Job interviews! ugh...
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
_________________
"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a great wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)