Falling out with a toxic casual friend and I am very sad

Post Reply New Topic

Hi:
As I have said, I had been having problems with a "Casual friend" who turned out to really toxic. It all started in April when he attended a special goal-setting event. During the time there, his words and actions were poison in a candy shell. I knew he was going through a rough time with where he wants to be careerwise and has been scared to move forward. So I sent him a couple resources only to have him ghost me for about 4 months. I wrote him an email last month which took him a month to respond. Meanwhile, he had avoided me and ignored me. Yesterday afternoon he sent me an email and apologized and that he was immature but felt that we aren't good for each other that we should have limited interactions but can act civil.

Last night I was tough about it and thought "It's all for the best" but today, I am really sad about it and I have been crying all day.

Sorry for what you're going through. I can relate as I'm going through similar with a friend and my holidays were ruined by sadness over their behaviour. I hope it gets better for you soon. And if you need to cry it out, cry it out. It's healthier than locking everything up inside.

I am feeling better today but what the real problem stems from being a self-loathing Aspie who is trying to be "Cool" and fit in while being mean and controlling towards others on the spectrum. He thinks that he's better than I am and that he's higher functioning than I am. In fact he boasted about it to me at New Year's party after I had a little too much to drink and a little obnoxious and said some things I normally don't say. He admitted at our last "Kiss and make-up" session that I had embarrassed him by asking him out loud in front of the host's father and that he was sorry.When I got mad at him for boasting about that, he ignored me for an entire year because he said that he was scared of opening his mouth and hurting me more.

However, he has always been really controlling, destructive and supportive with me on several occasions in the past. Though he's often said "I'm sorry," his behavior didn't stop.

If they're casual then I wouldn't know why you would care so much about it, unless you felt more interested in them than they did in yourself. The way you describe it, it doesn't even really seem like you like them that much.

I also wonder if perhaps they didn't feel the same way about the friendship. You said they ignored you most of the time. Maybe they just wanted some space to be themselves, and that email may have been their subtle way of saying that they never really felt the same bond without being aggressive like saying, "I was never your friend". It's bitter but I guess feeling they never really had mutual feelings may suggest it was never worth it in the first place.

This is just my assumption, anyway.