Trouble "reading" a person's level of anger

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I have trouble gauging a person's level of anger and frustration. I can tell when a person seems angry if they furrow their brow or certainly if they do something obvious like pound their fist on a table, throw something, etc but I have trouble guessing how angry they might be.

A real life example which happened at my workplace years ago. I was given the task of laying off/letting go an employee. Her husband came in to my office later that day or the next day. He was understandably upset and I realized this. I had only met him a few times before so I did not know him well. He was a tall large man with a baritone, rather booming voice. He proceeded to demand an explanation as to why our company terminated his wife's employment.

I don't recall my explanation but I was emotionless. I recall he gradually started to speak louder, and again, I knew he was upset, but I didn't realize his anger was escalating. It wasn't until he stood up, leaned over the desk and very aggressively got face to face with me that I realized he became so angry that he might become physical.

I recalled attending a previous management seminar on how to deal with irate people in which is was suggested that you continue to talk to the person or pretend to listen to them while you get up and start to walk out of the building. We were taught that the irate person would most likely follow you as that would be the only way they could continue to converse with you. I did just that, and he did follow me out of the building yelling the entire time. Once out of the building I looked him right in the eye and told him that he was threatening, he was not welcome back in the building and if he came back in I would call the police. He left and never came back.

If that same person would have said something like: "I'm getting so mad at you I want to punch you in the face.", clearly I would realize the level of their anger. Without such an explanation, people are so different, I'm just not good at guessing.

Does anyone else have a problem with misreading or underestimating someone's anger level?

It's because there are people who don't express anger overtly----especially as adults.

The way to tell: if they try very hard to change the subject of what you're talking about, they're probably pretty upset.

If there's a tremulousness to their voice, or if their voice gets higher, they're probably pretty upset.

Most civilized people would probably say a version of "please stop!" It might be diplomatic. It might be undiplomatic.

Then, of course, you have some people who act like they want to take it a "step further," and start threatening to punch you or something.