dumped church

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My family and I finally walked away from the church we were attending. We are going to the church that is closer to our house. We walked away because we didn't feel wanted and we never got beyond the acquaintance stage with anyone there. People were rude to us when my dad was employed and when I was in the hospital. There was no support for my dad's employment ministry. He tried to keep the ministry going but nobody was coming to any of the meetings whether it was to look for work or help people look for work. The church that is closer to my house a little bit better because it is a larger church and the pastor makes more of an effort to be a pastor to everyone in the parish and not just the popular people. The pastor is very conservative and traditional. He doesn't sugar coat anything and tells it like it is.

Good for you!

I've always hated those small-minded religious social clubs, where the unwritten rule goes something like "We will not allow you to become one of us unless you are already one of us".

I hope you can find another church to attend rather than abandoning it altogether.

I agree with Fnord on the mentality of some small churches being like that. I experienced that exact thing when we moved to a small town. That town was rural, agricultural and very clanish. If you not from there then you were never accepted. At least we were not in the entire seven years we lived there. I joined the Chamber of Commerce for a time and I was also chosen randomly to serve as Chair of the parish council of the church we attended. Acquaintance was as far as we got with anyone. We switched churches to one about 30 minutes away a bit before we moved out of that town for good.

You did the right thing because people are just so mean and especially in places of worship. I had left my last congregation and wrote a pretty lengthy email to my last minister because he discriminated against me. I told him that I felt that he mistreated me poorly and mishandled my situation the wrong way. I am also in the process of confronting some of the other attendees for the way they actively left me out of their social gatherings all the time.

You made the right decision because people who are religious often take themselves way too seriously on grounds of their faith, which in my opinion creates a sense of immaturity in such people. I myself am Catholic and last year I ditched my former parish (that I was a member of since I was about 8 years old) because many people saw me and my family as a threat to the parish. I served as an usher for several years and was often looked down upon as if I had no place and many members wanted me out altogether on grounds of me being on the spectrum.

As for my new Catholic parish, it's been a wonderful experience so far. The priest is very "by-the-book" and has a great ability to get a good laugh out of the congregation. I've been serving as a Eucharistic Minister for several months and an elderly woman has been making sure I have a place in the parish alongside fellow members to whom I plan on pitching ideas for parish events such as (but not limited to):

-Karaoke Night

-Open Mic Night

-Silent Disco Night

-Dance & Dinner Night

The irony is that since I left my former Catholic parish, some members (including the priest) have been speculating as to why they have not seen me since I left.

Elaine, your new place sounds larger. That might make the necessary difference. Yeah see when you're Catholic, you have fewer options. I'm Protestant. I can either go Lutheran, Episcopal or Methodist as they are liturgical faiths which I was raised. I'm staying with the Episcopal and doing Rosary. Some there do it and some don't. I really don't want the drama from the people as Elaine and others have mentioned.

I haven't been to a lot of different churches, but it seems like it's rare to find a pastor that I like. A lot of them are pretty weird.

My last minister was pretty weird but he wasn't the minister when I started. Rather, it was this other man who was not only very accepting and down to earth but he was also an all-out nerd and I was just getting to know him. Then he stepped down and this other elder took over for him and I thought he was cool at first. Then I learned that
1. We had different ideas about the bible
2. He had goofy ideas about how people who go there should "Fit into a mold."
He was incredibly phony and at times mean to the point that he would make me cry.

I left my congregation too because he wanted me to jump through their hoops just to join the music team by socializing more and not asking him if I can join in front of the entire congregation.

If the goal of attending church is to increase spirituality, I’d suggest not going to church at all. I’d explore meditation, being in nature, and yoga. Churches are religious but not particularly spiritual in my experience.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 Jul 2018, 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate how cliquish smaller churches can be.

My family and I are attending the parish that is closer to our house.

Thank you, Summer_Twilight. I'm glad you are confronting these people that were being horrible to you. They need to be called on their crap.

My dad and I were Eucharistic ministers at the parish we left. We didn't feel appreciated or wanted by the other Eucharistic ministers. They pretty much always ignored us at church. People were even nastier when my dad was unemployed and after my hospital stay. The pastor was only interested in the popular people. I think he liked having his little collection of groupies kissing his ass.

I think everybody is glad we are gone. They never checked in on us when we weren't at church.

The choices definitely are limited for Catholics like myself. I hated the protestant churches that I went to as a kid. Those are full of cliques and drama. With those you pastor's wife and kids to deal with. The pastors' wives and kids I encountered were snobs and very arrogant. I like the larger parish near my house.

Hi, I attend the Episcopol church too.

It's hard for me to find a pastor I like too. Most of the pastors I had (Catholic or protestant) have sucked and were very full of themselves. Many of them had groupies that just fell all over them and worshipped the ground they walked on. The protestant pastors had the snobby wives and kids that thought they were above everybody because their husband/father is the pastor. I like my current parish priest because he tells it like it is and he tries to be everybody's priest not just the popular families' priest. I liked that he made time to listen to my parents' concerns and issues with our church experience. My priest is extremely animated with his homilies and he is very passionate about his faith.