All my fake internet friends

Post Reply New Topic

A few days ago, I met up with my parents to go for lunch with some family friends. I got in the car, they started driving. While they were driving, I got out my phone and looked at it. Just one glance - and all of a sudden my mum went off on an angry rant about how I spend too much time on my phone talking to all my 'fake internet friends'.

In my free time, I am a part of several online role-play websites based on fictional fandoms. On these sites, I have several voluntary roles related to content creation for the site (article writing and the like). As I am part of various staff teams, I am also in their chit-chat groups on Skype, and have made friends this way, and I talk to some of them a lot.

And yet I got told by my mum that I need to spend more time hanging out with 'real' people.

Never mind the fact that they are some of the most real people I've ever come across. We have things in common, they understand me and are able to appreciate my interest in text-based role-play.

Never mind that one of my closest friendships came out of meeting someone from the internet.

And since she was on a roll, of course she started dragging up phrases like 'AS' and telling me that I have obsessive behaviour. But the thing is...it isn't so much obsessive. I don't need to be on the sites constantly. But I do have a lot of roles to fulfil on them, so I do need to spend a certain amount of time doing them. And I also genuinely enjoy chatting to the people on Skype, because I can do it without being judged about my interests.

My mum said that when we were on holiday I spent too much time on my phone when I was supposed to be socialising. But the thing is, we were socialising all the time. And after such a long time, all I wanted to do was escape. One of the days I spent the entire afternoon socialising, very much not on my phone, but then when we got back in the afternoon I retreated into the living room rather than continue. When I got to my room that evening I actually broke down crying because I was so worn out from being social. But no, apparently I didn't socialise enough.

I guess this is a rant more than anything...

Rant away! Your mother was in the wrong.

Have you tried explaining to her that socializing is very draining, and that you have important roles associated with your online activities? And if she doesn't get it, let her know that she has to stop criticizing you if she wants to spend much time together. She might not even be aware that she's doing that.

A 26-year old woman who socializes with people in person and on-line is being scolded by her mother -- whom I assume is twice the daughter's age -- for using a mobile phone to relax.

My ex used to pull something similar -- back in the days before the Internet -- with me and my Amateur Radio hobby. According to her, I was "always" on the radio, and I "never" wanted to mingle with her and her friends. She seemed to think that by communicating with people from all over the world, my head was being filled with "ideas" and that my ham radio friends were having an undue influence on me and turning me against my ex.

Even earlier than this, my dad would interrogate me to find out what my classmates were saying, doing, wearing, reading, and even thinking (as if I could read their minds). He was afraid that I would turn against him due to "peer pressure", steal his guns and liquor, and get some girl pregnant (this was 1970-1975).

Both my dad and my ex were narcissistic and bipolar -- and maybe a little bit paranoid, as well. Both had problems with alcohol, and both would fly into rages for no discernable reason.

It seems to me that the OP's mum may be concerned that the OP might possibly be influenced by someone other than her or those whom she approves of. To the mother, the daughter's mobile phone may represent a means whereby the outside world is influencing the daughter to turn against her mum. It could also be that the mum cannot stand the idea that her daughter could be having a conversation that she could not monitor (like my ex with me using the Morse code to send and receive messages). She could also be one of those people who thinks that it is rude to text in the presence of other people (like my dad was with me speaking a foreign language with other people when he was around).

At the end of the day, the daughter is an adult with her own life, and the mother would be best off to simply accept that.

I bet your mother grew up making many long land-line telephone calls to her friends and other social contacts when she was younger. Remind her about that gently when she next ridicules you.

This is why I separate my online life from my offline life ... The way my parents are, they'll literally theorize every possibly bad thing that could happen by means of having online friends. Some of these people are people that I've known online for over 10 years and yet my folks will say that they're secret serial killers and stuff like that. That's why I tell them nothing :p

My mom used the phrase potential axe murder when me & my current girlfriend who I met online decided to meet up offline. My parents did agree to let her stay with us a for a couple weeks thou but my mom had lots of concerns. I never really told my parents anything about my online activity before that except about my past girlfriends who I met online & met up with offline.

My mom & my dad also complained about how much time I would spend online & how I didn't have any friends offline. part of the reason I spent so much time online & didn't have friends offline was cuz I s#cked at making friends. They recommended I join things but I never been much of a joiner & don't have many interests. Plus I cant drive & lived in a rural area with no public transportation or sidewalks or anything so I relied on my parents to bring me places. My parents griped about having to be my personal chauffeur because they both worked & that I should of made friends when I was in skewl who could of brought me places. It seems kind of like a catch 22 in a way. This is one of the reasons I'm alot happier living with my current girlfriend. My parents aren't on my back, I am more outgoing & I do see some of her family a bit but I don't have any real friends here & I'm still not part of anything but that's OK with me.

When I was your age, my mother would get annoyed at my 2 to 3 hour phone calls. The previous generation hardly recalls their own ways of having fun. I hate parties, and used to hide in my room a lot. Your friends aren't fake. Your mom seems to be concerned for you, but said something not so nice.