Is There Something Wrong With Me?

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I feel like there's something wrong with me when it comes to trying to socialise with people

I always struggled with socialising as a little girl and growing up. I'm 21 now and I do at least talk to people now, I don't really make eye contact as I find it really hard but I do look at thier mouths and most people I don't think realise that I'm not making eye contact.

So basically I went out this morning, to the doctor's and then I went for a milkshake. In the little coffee shop I saw a boy I'd known from school. I smiled and he nodded at me. A minute passed and then he sat at my table. I decided to start a conversation and asked him if he was doing anything for Halloween? He was doing something on his phone and without looking up he simply replied "nothing" and didn't take the conversation any further.

It was really awkward because I didn't know what else to say or do. In the end he finally put his phone away and then said "well I'd best be off now" and that was it.

I got the feeling he didn't really enjoy my company or even like me Is it me? I'm feeling like I just make people uncomfortable and that's why I struggle to make friends. I'm pretty upset. I really tried my hardest this morning but I must have done something wrong... I haven't had anyone I can call a friend since 2016, I was hoping this morning that would change but I must have messed up somehow.

Does anyone else struggle to make friends or is it just me?

I doubt it was you. He was playing with his phone. He was being impolite.

He’s the one that came to YOUR table.

Maybe he’s the one who has a “social problem.”

It doesn’t make sense that he sat at your table, you asked him about Halloween, then he started with the phone.

I get the feeling it wasn’t you at all...

Not everybody with poor conversational skills is on the spectrum.

Apparently he thought he'd given you an adequate answer to your question. You could have just asked more questions, like what has he been doing with his life since finishing school.

Yeah this is basically what I was going to say. Some people are just spectacularly bad at making conversation and they rely on the other person carrying them through. Maybe he was expecting you to do this - ask him more open ended questions.

Either way I would try not to feel too bad about this. His behavior is more a reflection of him and not you.

I wanted to talk to him more but I'm a nervous wreck when I'm out, loads of things always going through my head like if a stranger is suddenly about to abuse or attack me, etc. But you're right I should have said a bit more, he might have been waiting for me to ask another question, if there's a next time I'll make sure I do.

“Social problem” does not equal “Spectrum.” Never thought about the Spectrum for him.

I agree with the posts between mine.

He had no social “finesse.”

People don’t attack people at random in public places.

The last time I was attacked was in the 1990s. I go in public places all the time.

I'm now getting help, or I will be soon with the constant worrying so hopefully soon that will be a thing of the past.

It's not really entirely up to you though. He was the one who sat at your table. He is perfectly capable of opening his mouth, using his words, and making an effort too.

It's never only one party who is responsible of carrying a conversation. Both parties have to make an effort. And it's definitely rude for him to just sit there and stare at his phone.

I guess we were both at fault then I should have said more maybe and he should have been a little more polite. I'm hoping in future I'll be a lot better and more prepared when it comes to talking with people

There is something "wrong" with everything

Even the definition of "wrong" is subjective sometimes

For example, some homophobic "people" claim being gay is "wrong"

Some people think being gay is not wrong

maybe being gay and straight are equally wrong


There are plenty of things wrong with me

Anyone that thinks they are perfect, are the most "wrong"

Sounds like he was quite comfortable around you and no need to worry yourself about it.

Nah, we all struggle with it. Most of us find eye contact difficult.

I don't want to make you feel self-conscious, but people do notice the eye contact, they just don't usually say anything. It's probably worse for males, because it's a dominance thing I feel like it would be nice to live in a country where eye contact is considered rude.

Weird that he would come over and sit by you, but then just kind of brush you off. You didn't say how long he sat with you, maybe he just wanted a quick "hello" before he had to leave?