Why do some people do this?

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I know a young man who is gay, and has to sexual desire for women at all. But he has a female friend who knows he's gay, but he often behaves in a way that encourages her to want more than a friendship. He invited her along to a family event and wanted lots of pictures taken of them standing together like they're a couple. But every time she's not with him, he starts complaining that she wants more and that he's not interested. But if he keeps on encouraging her, and she's into him, then things will get more awkward. If he didn't keep inviting her along to family events and just treated her the same as the rest of his mates then maybe she would think twice, but it seems like she is hoping that he isn't gay or something. But he is definitely gay. It took a long time for him to open up to it, but it's been almost 3 years since he opened up to it and he's had a boyfriend, although the relationship didn't last. He is using dating sites in search for a new boyfriend. But the more he lets this girl tag along with him and does things like pose with her in front of cameras with his arm round her, the more she will be flattered and want more than a friendship.

Is he actually out to his family? Seems like he's using her as a fake girlfriend to fool them into thinking he's not gay. There may be family members he's not feeling ok being out go.

Now saying that it is not fair of him to give her mixed messages like this. He needs to have a face to face conversation with her about this. And be honest. Honest about why he's pretending to be a couple with her in the presence of family.

The tables have turned.

HE just wants a friendship, and SHE wants something more intimate.

Usually, it’s the other way around.

I do not think that he is “leading her on” any more than any woman who just wants to be friends with a man. He’s only being nice and showing her a good time, while she seems to want to “take it to the next level”.

I guess it sucks for women to be friend-zoned, too.

Everybody knows he's gay, including his mother and the rest of the family (I'm part of the family too). And our family's the sort of family where things get round, so everybody knows and respects that he's gay.

But it's not just him that does this, I've seen a few people lead other people on. It's not very nice being toyed with because it causes mixed feelings for the person who is interested.
It's happened to me once before too, back when I was single. There was this man I really, really liked, and he always encouraged me every time I came across him, he would wink, hold my hand, and chat me up. He even bought something for me in a supermarket because I didn't have any money on me. And it made me want to flirt with him more because he acted like he liked it. But then I got told by someone else who knew him that he was telling him that he wasn't interested in me at all and that he was married (even though he never wore a ring). So that made me feel like an idiot and was also heartbroken. But he was encouraging me, and I wish he hadn't been so flirtatious back, because if he had showed that he wasn't interested and was just doing casual chitchat, I would have stopped flirting and got the message and I wouldn't have been heartbroken and embarrassed.

So I just don't think it's very nice to lead another person on, because the longer you get their hopes up, the more they will be hurt when they do find out that you were never interested in the first place.

I totally agree with you Joe. I've been in that situation too. It hurts.

They do it because they enjoy the attention. It feels good.

It's just difficult when you're the one who starts developing feelings.

You can’t be “led on” if the other person tells you up front that he/she is not interested in you as anything more than “just a friend” -- it’s all in your own mind if you believe otherwise.

And if you can’t handle being “just a friend” with someone, then maybe you would be better off cutting your losses and moving on to another relationship.

Yeah, I don’t like it either; but in this age when “no means no” and any form of unwanted attention can get you expelled, fired and/or taken to court, you’re far better off to look for someone who is as interested in you as you are in them.

That’s life.

It's worse when they're not upfront and you're trying to work out if they are just overly demonstrative anyway or are they actually interested in you as much as you are in them. But you don't want to ask because it might ruin the friendship.

At least your friend does know that this guy is gay. She's going to have to create some space between them I think just to try and get over him. But then I guess that's her choice to make.

It's just possible that the friend is all "flirty" with a guy that she knows is gay because (1) she thinks she can "turn" him; or (2) she knows that she can behave as "slu*ty" as she wants with him and still be safe because he will not act on her advances (yes, some small portion of the adult female population does seem to get a kick out of this kind of behavior).

According to her profile picture, pictures and relationship status on Facebook, the girl is actually happily engaged to a man already. So I don't understand why she's all over her gay friend who is not interested, when she has a man anyway.

It just boggles my mind why some people carry on like this. Sure, there's nothing wrong with a guy and a girl being friends, but when one party encourages the other to be flirtatious with him then gets angry because he's not interested, while the other party has a partner already but is hanging around and flirting with her friend who she knows isn't into her, is a very strange and unnecessary 'friendship' to me. Why do some people carry on like that?

It's a bit like pulling a cat's tail then getting angry with it if it scratches you.

Well I have seen what he has told us. I thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend at first, and so did a couple of other people, even though we all know he's gay. Then when the girl had gone home, he looked fed up and told us that he is not interested in her at all. I figured that maybe she's lonely and wants a boyfriend and is hoping that he is bisexual or something (which he is not). But then when I noticed she already has a boyfriend, that's when I got confused. Maybe I'll ask him about that the next time I see him if he confides in me again about the situation.