Clingy Friend

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I'm a senior in high school and I'm having trouble with a friend lately. She is very clingy and follows me everywhere, and it's because she thinks "that's what friends do". I think she has unrealistic expectations for friendship, and this has been very troubling for me. She expects so much from me and I have to try very hard to reciprocate everyday. She considers me close and likes being with me, but I don't really feel the same way anymore.
Every moment I'm with her I am exhausted. She is also very pretentious and condescending. She always makes me feel bad, she demands so much of my attention, she keeps me from the other friends, she is self-centered, she copies me, she's hypocritical, she complains a lot, and I don't like being with her. The problem is, she acts like she's my best friend and it's just annoying. I've been acting more distant and less responsive lately, but she isn't getting the hint. It feels like she's invading my life and I really hate it.
One of my friends who moved, who is close with both of us, told me she used to like me, and she probably still does. This shocked me because I never imagined such a thing, but it makes sense in the way that she acts around me. I honestly feel really weird about it, and I'm not interested in her in any way. I don't know what to do anymore because I hate being around her, but she thinks everything is fine and that we are best friends. She lacks much self-awareness and it's been very hard to handle for me.

have to admit, this doesnt happen much to me. my not-so-natural spikyness discourages people like that. most of the time. sometimes they feel hurt, but well. egoistic (witch) as i am, i'd rather them, than me. if they dont get chased away by my social disposition i'd initiate talks about all sorts of things. views. standing in a relationship. boundaries. provocation. either they get it and just well, be less toxic, sometimes even pleasant, or they leave.

and i'd be very clear every time somebody wants to invade my space and make me do what i didnt want - i refuse. no, i dont want to drink. no, i dont want to cuddle. no, put me right back where i stood, then i walk away

(ya it was a very casual just-met-him who thought its a good idea to scoup me off the ground. a somewhat 20+- years old female commited to a relationship. i found it very disgusting, border-breaking and unacceptable. and i was very, VERY explicit on how exactly i dont like it).

try to start to protect ur borders. no, i dont want to talk right now. no, i dont want this pj party. no, i was going to talk to someone else, without u. being nice sometimes is just not the way.

u might get called names. that person might even start to try and sabotage u. but they are anyways, allready. so, what sense does it make to let them?)

It sounds like it might be time to let her down gently by telling her that you appreciate and love her and have had some good times together but feel like you might not be a good match and that you feel like
1. She is too clingy
2. She is always putting you down
3. She only wants to talk about herself
4. She always wants to complain
5. Remind her that you have a life and that her behavior is sucking you dry


Because clingy or pre-occupied relationships are draining and I know because I was in one of those off an on for quite a while which left me feeling tired. Because the one who called me too much, texted me excessively to the point that she would freak out whenever I would go to a party to be with other friends. "You never call me, I want you, I need you, I miss you."

I feel like you need to ask yourself the question and carefully consider the answer: do you still care about this person and want to be friends with her in a healthier way, or are you wanting to cut off from her totally and be done with it?

You sound super fed up and maybe like you're ready for a break to say the least. No matter what, she will probably be disappointed... but I think there are ways to handle this that will let her down "easy" and assure her that you are still friends, just in a different way than before, and there are ways that will totally crush her and possibly destroy any friendship you have forever. Or, like someone has said, even cause her to become spiteful.

It's a bummer to be in this situation. I get that it's feeling super toxic and your end, and, having been on the clingy side in the past, I know it can be a really big heartbreak for the person you need space from. I think you just need to decide what you need your boundaries to be and then lay those out. Do the boundaries cut her out totally or can you imagine still having her in your life, just less intensely?

Just be honest with her - don't totally "ghost" her (assuming that's even possible in your situation), the way weaklings do, because it's cruel and simply ill-bred, but lay down definite limits to the quality and quantity of your relationship with each other.

I know that it would definitely be better for me if I could just cut her off. I don't really want to be with her. Unfortunately, I have classes with her and situations I can't really escape from. Because of this, there is a limit to how much I can distance myself from her.
Another problem is that she doesn't really have other friends. Or rather, she believes that I'm the only one she needs. She had two very close friends, but one of them moved and the other cut her off (and I can see why). Now I have to deal with her on my own, and she's really dependent on me. She can make friends and she has other people she talks to, but she chooses not to because I am there. It really seems like everything is at her convenience. I don't have to liberty to be apart from her, but she can do whatever she wants.
I've been trying to let her down easy, but I'm not sure this is working. She believes we're SUPER close (which makes me very uncomfortable). Recently finding out that she likes me in that way has made it worse -- she probably can't tell when I want my space and time. I've even hinted at a few things and told her that I don't like getting close to people for the purpose of distancing myself from her. But she doesn't think this applies to her and instead believes we're even closer because I told her these things.
I wish I could just tell her explicitly, but I don't have the courage to do so. She openly dissed her ex-friend for leaving her, and I know I'll be put in the same bucket.