Do get shut out of organizations, clubs and meetups often?

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Hi:
I had wanted to know how many of you have tried getting involved in an organization and were shut out because there were people there who didn't like you because of your weird quirks, understanding others boundaries, communication breakdowns etc.

yep, happened. allow me to not specify, rejection is a big issue.

Me too. I think it's harder when these clubs and organizations fall into the wrong hands of leadership or people who are friends of the leaders who don't understand our story.

there allways will be an allistic as*hole. and they allways will mess us over. please forgive my language, and i am not, NOT and ABSOLUTELY NOT generalising negativity at allistic people. i am meaning a very specific type of person, who would harass us us for being the way we are. generally allistic people are not like that, but there will allways be one, and u will never detect them before its too late. im sorry, its a recurring trauma of mine. (and i guess everybody here)

Yes. There are several reasons this happens - and they don't have much to do with who we are, as people. I've watched people-in-groups for 50+ years and I've noticed some things:

1. people-in-groups tend to be easily led by anyone in the group who is bossy enough - they don't have to be charismatic, just the *right* kind of boundary invader.
2. people-in-groups often *are* in groups because they feel inadequate in some way. Yes, it's nice, it really is nice, to have friends around, to be with people you can talk to about something. But there's *nice to* and there's *need to* and many times, it gets very needy in these places.
3. groups tend to get all hierarchical, very fast.
4. insecure people, in hierarchical groups, seem to need to make themselves feel "better than" others, and they'll often do this by finding someone to put down. Bonus points if that person is a group member.
5. Groups as a whole, and people-in-groups, do zero *real* self-examination. Even if they're supposedly all about self-examination. Genuine critical thinking is frequently punished by excommunication, ASAP. The reason for this is that insecurity thing - these folks have to believe they're right, all the time, and their group and its glorious leader(s) are infallible. So if you rock that boat, you're toast.
6. It doesn't matter what group it is. I've seen this in very very "kumbaya liberal" settings (was bullied out of a parking space once, trying to visit a much-touted "progressive and welcoming" church. I don't care "why". That's inexcusable. I also volunteered at an animal rescue/rehab over the winter holidays and gave up on it after a week, because the place was so poisonously anti-all-Christians-no-exceptions-no-listening-either.)
7. So most groups are predisposed to be toxic, and about the only way any group is going to stay nontoxic is if the people who found it and run it are *aware of all this* and don't let it get any traction.
8. That pretty much never happens.

Sorry to be so cheerful - but it's not you. Something very basic in our wiring just does this "hive" thing, all too easily.

thank you for such a clear perspective on this. and ya, when i lead, i do not let it happen. but i cant lead every time. and also, sometimes i fail. because i have limits. which i then need to be reminded of, because i'd crucify myself for every mishap. and yes, most toxicity comes from very few people. 20/80 rule. and yep, u are allways toast. even if allistic as*hole had come AFTER u. so when im building up, i just dont let them in. turns out everybody can be fine with each other, if leader does their work. few leaders bother, though, and the larger the society, the messier it is. just because human limit in the first place. we gotta either just take it as enviromental hazard, or stop joining things. i had tried both.

excuses, excuses. they allways get those)))) its not like they tell me "go away, autist". they invent excuses. that all go back to it. because well, chosing somebody who is vulnerable and cant defend self, like the wise person here points out. and if they get an autist, they go with that. for abformentioned reasons.

Always!! Nothing new! OMG, even in Weight Watches, they just talk right over me. So rude. My son goes through this too at college. What he did was start a science club for people who like science but aren't majoring in it. He made some good friends. Also, some of the more quirky science majors did join anyway. They all get along pretty well. I feel we all get along better with our own people because we have similar neurologies. I can't be around NT people at all. I think that the most quirkiest and annoying people like us are that way because of years of abuse and misunderstanding from the NT world. Once I was called an "a-hole" just because I didn't understand a joke. I'm not an a-hole. When I keyed her car a couple of weeks later, then and only then was I an a-hole. So there. We can be harsh too and quirky at the same time. There!! ! The impatient NT world can go to hell.

Sorry to be so cheerful - but it's not you. Something very basic in our wiring just does this "hive" thing, all too easily.[/quote]

This how an entire nation can be led by a sociopath/psychopath. It's in the human G-nome. Look at past history! One person and a small group of hand-picked henchman brought about horror during WW 2. ETC... Look at history.

even a small community should be ruled by a few people with different strong sides. one person is just bound to blunder and fail. because its deep human nature, we all have limitations. but main problem is, most people dont understand what a primary leader should even do in the first place. so at best, its good for well, NT people. because they all stick togather. any difference, and u are toast. at worst they cant even achieve that. so all we can really do is treat it like enviromental hazard. it happens, let it happen. not let it get to u. (and ya i failed that part horribly. im trying to get better.)

I got shut out one meet-up group because I could not understand the boundaries of this one woman who didn't want anyone but her correcting her little girl. However, because she was not a good communicator, she was aggressive. She also happened to get close with leaders of that group and start running events. Everyone but me got invited and no one did anything to stop her.

I was also shut out of a traditional religious group because the leaders didn't agree with the fact that I am a Jew for Jesus. However, they invited me to their lunch and learns and let me join in there.