Low Social Energy

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I (mostly) want to make friends but in addition to all the things making that hard, social interactions in general are exhausting and a big source of anxiety. But then I prefer to just have close friends but it's hard to get close to people or make people think I'm interested in becoming friends if I don't want to hang out very much. It's not even just hanging out in person. The prospect of an online or text conversation starting at any given moment makes me anxious and I feel awful if I don't initiate conversation at least once a day.
It's like wanting to hug people but always keeping them at an arm's length. And I don't know how to find the balance between those things

I'm kinda similar. What I do is try to pick like one social event per week, and see if I make any connections there. If I don't enjoy it, I don't go back; I try a different evemt the next week.

(adjust frequency based on your own energy levels)

Usually someone will say to me "I like you; let's do x activity sometime."

I tend to gravitate towards those sorts of friends.

Good luck!

I had a desire for having friends when I was younger. Having a few close friends in school helped me get through the ordeal that it was.

I have my hands full trying to be successful as a husband, father and breadwinner. I have no time for and no strong interest for having friends on top of that. I haven't had a true friend, other than my wife for about 17 years now.

We went to a birthday party recently for a classmate of one of our kids. I talked with the child's father for a good hour. They're new to our area and aren't very familiar with things. We share the same fondness for Japanese, Vietnamese and Korean foods and I was telling him about a good restaurant that he's never been to. At the end of the evening when we were all saying our thank yous and goodbyes he mentioned to his wife that I had told him about the restaurant. He said: "You and I should meet there sometime to eat." I said: "Sure, anytime."

I thought about it afterward: "That must be one of the ways that NTs become friends." (acting on or following up on such an exchange).

If he contacts me, I would accept meeting him for a meal and conversation at that restaurant. I haven't felt a strong desire to reach out and take the initiative. Perhaps I should.

Totally relate. I end up being a person who self-sabotages or becomes a no-show to events because the prospect of going becomes overwhelming or exhausting. I have very few friends/functions that I'm invited to and I really want to have those things in my life, but it's almost like I can't recognize the opportunities because they are clouded by the anxiety/exhaustion that I dread.

It's not until after I've already felt the relief of not having to go to the thing that I realize I missed a chance to get involved in a fun thing or strengthen friendships. Sigh.

The only solution I have is to commit to something ahead of time and then take it as seriously as a job or doctor's appt. As it approaches, I probably won't feel like going so much, but if I can force myself to honor the commitment and keep putting myself in a friendship mindset, it often ends up going a lot better than that I imagined.

I have noticed that many people in society are undervalued. They are almost invisible. They work their jobs, people exchange a couple words of pleasantries and then go about their days. One of the types that is often overlooked is those individuals that are overweight or obese.

So I have changed my habits to notice people. In many stores, the checkout clerks wear name tags. I will search for their name tags and when I exchange a couple words of pleasantries with them as I pay - I address them by name. Such as "Sue, how had your day been going."

The reaction is quite amazing. In many cases they snap out of the fog. Their glazed-over eyes become quite bright. A smile appears on their face. And sometimes a short conversation begins.

I can attest to this as well. For me, being social is like a marathon run; parts of me ache, I sweat a bit and it eventually knocks the wind out of me.

During my 20's I was a great deal more social (despite it being exhausting). I had about 200 friends at one point through various nerd circles. I suppose it was fun but eventually the myriad circles proved to tire me out so much that I had to reduce it to one circle of friends. It was for the best in my opinion.

Now, getting that energy back has been frustrating. All I want to do is add one or two more friends to my circle and perhaps a girlfriend or romantic partner of some sort. C'est la vie.

Seriously, though, I get you when you say it's anxiety-inducing. For me, it's just all-round difficult. I feel it's a problem I'll resolve in the near future when I start working again and get my confidence back.

I'm the same I never had any friends until I was about 20 years old and started making friends with other aspies. My aspie friends are the same we don't text very often or hang out often but it doesn't affect our friendship at all in a negative way and we always have fun together when we hang out.
All other friends i've tried to have it hasn't worked with because when I don't feel like texting I will ignore someone without giving an explanation and it stresses me out to know that this upsets them but I don't have the energy so i'm not going to force myself to text. Also NTs my age are so different so when we talk I can't relate to them and this makes the conversation harder and more stressful for me. I've even blocked people for no reason if they text me too much.
I would suggest making likeminded friends. I've always wanted lots of friends but I can't handle it.