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Hi.

I've been trying to be more social, and I think I've been getting better. I do not want to be asocial, without friends, all that stuff. I also cannot do much trial and error, I do not have an endless supply of people I can embarrass myself around. People always give that advice, to go out more and try things out, but if I was capable of that, I wouldn't have the report to prove that I'm on the spectrum and pretty high too.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I need help. I've been extremely sad for the past two years about not having friends, it is equal parts depressing and pathetic. I need to get some ideas on how to improve without having to step out. I can learn at home, and see how it works out outside. Are there any books, video series, or anything like that you can recommend?

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

That is the title for one of the books I've come across. I will read a hundred books, but I need to be a social rockstar. I've never been, but I will aim high. I know it is not impossible. Please help me out here, please. Please.

Does no one have any ideas?

In order to gain friends, one has to be "out there."

You really can't learn much about making friends through books. You have to be amongst people. You need actual practice amongst people. You can't have a dialogue with a book.

Probably the best solution for you is to make friends via the Internet--perhaps even here on WrongPlanet.

The "framework" would be putting yourself in situations where you meet people with common interests--like at a lecture or something. Maybe a scientific lecture. Maybe a Star Trek Convention. I'm not sure if you live in an urban or rural area. But if you're in any sort of semi-urban area, there's lots of opportunities of this sort.

I wasn't talking about knocking on people's door--that would be ridiculous, and some people would get downright hostile.

I get you. I really do. Honestly. I'm not a social butterfly myself.

You say you speak to 20 people. Are they aware of your difficulties socializing? Maybe...who knows...maybe one of these people can help you navigate the social world out there. I don't mean explicitly "asking them," either. I mean....just going out and hanging out with them. Maybe they'll be nice enough to point out your social "mistakes."

Or, if you trust them enough, maybe DO ask them. Maybe they can offer explicit instruction in the ways of the social world.

Have you read any of Tony Attwood's works? They are not books on "socializing"--but they do delve into why Aspergians/autistics have difficulty socializing. Perhaps they could offer some insights.

Please remember that things might seem "hopeless" now. But they don't necessarily have to remain that way in the future. It can be because you've done something about it; it could even occur if you haven't done anything about it.

I feel the same way.

Socializing is frequently taxing. Sometimes, it's worth all the toil.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Just keep at it. You're going to have bad days and good days.

As we get older, "social rules" acquire less meaning.

What about starting with an email-friend?

But for God's sake avoid s**t like "The Rules". The problem with self-help books is that they tend to

a) state the blindingly obvious or
b) be full of really bad advice

Which is why real life experience is the best. Also, if you ask people, they might explain the world as they see it.....and then you soon find out that they have very different views on things and are generally not very self-aware.

Maybe you could work on learning a foreign language and find a skype partner from that country who wants to practice their English? If you mess up, the consequences are minor.

A have a few

1. Improve your social skills.com - Daniel Wendler has lots of tips
2. "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron.