Book Recommendations
Hi.
I've been trying to be more social, and I think I've been getting better. I do not want to be asocial, without friends, all that stuff. I also cannot do much trial and error, I do not have an endless supply of people I can embarrass myself around. People always give that advice, to go out more and try things out, but if I was capable of that, I wouldn't have the report to prove that I'm on the spectrum and pretty high too.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I need help. I've been extremely sad for the past two years about not having friends, it is equal parts depressing and pathetic. I need to get some ideas on how to improve without having to step out. I can learn at home, and see how it works out outside. Are there any books, video series, or anything like that you can recommend?
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
That is the title for one of the books I've come across. I will read a hundred books, but I need to be a social rockstar. I've never been, but I will aim high. I know it is not impossible. Please help me out here, please. Please.
In order to gain friends, one has to be "out there."
You really can't learn much about making friends through books. You have to be amongst people. You need actual practice amongst people. You can't have a dialogue with a book.
Probably the best solution for you is to make friends via the Internet--perhaps even here on WrongPlanet.
You really can't learn much about making friends through books. You have to be amongst people. You need actual practice amongst people. You can't have a dialogue with a book.
Probably the best solution for you is to make friends via the Internet--perhaps even here on WrongPlanet.
I cannot just go out and flap my tongue around like a dumb seal. It will just be me saying hi, them saying hi, end of story. I've tried all that, and it has not been working out for me. You can have a particle accelerator in your backyard, but if you do not understand the theory, it is just a disaster waiting to happen. I've had lots of disasters and I WILL NOT make a fool of myself any further. I am sorry, but I mentioned in the OP that I could not just be out there. I cannot go knocking on my neighbors doors to test things out on them, I need a framework to work with.
The "framework" would be putting yourself in situations where you meet people with common interests--like at a lecture or something. Maybe a scientific lecture. Maybe a Star Trek Convention. I'm not sure if you live in an urban or rural area. But if you're in any sort of semi-urban area, there's lots of opportunities of this sort.
I wasn't talking about knocking on people's door--that would be ridiculous, and some people would get downright hostile.
I wasn't talking about knocking on people's door--that would be ridiculous, and some people would get downright hostile.
I can appreciate where you're coming from, but you do not hand a soldier a machine gun and throw them in the middle of the battlefield. You give them training beforehand. Not everyone will find it possible to attend regular therapy sessions or something, but books are easy to read.
Also, conventions and things of that sort happen less than once every 2 years, and then too, those are not places I'd find friends, but more like business partners. I am not saying I don't want to talk to people, but I need some knowledge beforehand. I don't think you're understanding my problem very well. I do not get a lot of opportunities to talk to people, I am just not an outgoing person. I do have an opportunity with 20 or so people I see kind of often, and I do not want to mess things up beyond repair. I am speaking from personal experience here, I cannot just go out and talk.
I get you. I really do. Honestly. I'm not a social butterfly myself.
You say you speak to 20 people. Are they aware of your difficulties socializing? Maybe...who knows...maybe one of these people can help you navigate the social world out there. I don't mean explicitly "asking them," either. I mean....just going out and hanging out with them. Maybe they'll be nice enough to point out your social "mistakes."
Or, if you trust them enough, maybe DO ask them. Maybe they can offer explicit instruction in the ways of the social world.
Have you read any of Tony Attwood's works? They are not books on "socializing"--but they do delve into why Aspergians/autistics have difficulty socializing. Perhaps they could offer some insights.
Please remember that things might seem "hopeless" now. But they don't necessarily have to remain that way in the future. It can be because you've done something about it; it could even occur if you haven't done anything about it.
You say you speak to 20 people. Are they aware of your difficulties socializing? Maybe...who knows...maybe one of these people can help you navigate the social world out there. I don't mean explicitly "asking them," either. I mean....just going out and hanging out with them. Maybe they'll be nice enough to point out your social "mistakes."
Or, if you trust them enough, maybe DO ask them. Maybe they can offer explicit instruction in the ways of the social world.
Have you read any of Tony Attwood's works? They are not books on "socializing"--but they do delve into why Aspergians/autistics have difficulty socializing. Perhaps they could offer some insights.
Please remember that things might seem "hopeless" now. But they don't necessarily have to remain that way in the future. It can be because you've done something about it; it could even occur if you haven't done anything about it.
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to ask one of these people to guide me. And I seem to be improving fast. Sorry I kinda snapped earlier. Also, while I've noticed that socializing makes me feel very happy, it is also taxing, and while I would like to socialize, it's kinda like I think can't I put this off? It's too much. Does that happen to everyone?
I've been trying to be more social, and I think I've been getting better. I do not want to be asocial, without friends, all that stuff. I also cannot do much trial and error, I do not have an endless supply of people I can embarrass myself around. People always give that advice, to go out more and try things out, but if I was capable of that, I wouldn't have the report to prove that I'm on the spectrum and pretty high too.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I need help. I've been extremely sad for the past two years about not having friends, it is equal parts depressing and pathetic. I need to get some ideas on how to improve without having to step out. I can learn at home, and see how it works out outside. Are there any books, video series, or anything like that you can recommend?
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
That is the title for one of the books I've come across. I will read a hundred books, but I need to be a social rockstar. I've never been, but I will aim high. I know it is not impossible. Please help me out here, please. Please.
I would suggest the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
But for God's sake avoid s**t like "The Rules". The problem with self-help books is that they tend to
a) state the blindingly obvious or
b) be full of really bad advice
Which is why real life experience is the best. Also, if you ask people, they might explain the world as they see it.....and then you soon find out that they have very different views on things and are generally not very self-aware.
Maybe you could work on learning a foreign language and find a skype partner from that country who wants to practice their English? If you mess up, the consequences are minor.
_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Upcoming book about how science failed Autistic females |
21 Sep 2024, 3:04 pm |