Friends?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not new here, but I lurk and I'm posting in this forum since it's not public. I'm diagnosed HFA/Aspgers. I was diagnosed later in life and I've noticed that the older I get the fewer friends I have and the less I find I want to put myself out there to find more. It's like I've grown tired of dealing with neurotypical/allistic drama now that I have a diagnosis and know I'm on the spectrum. However, at the same time, I sorta like hyperfocusing on new people and learning about them (which may be a reason I don't make more friends, I've grown rather afraid of being too much for people).

It doesn't help that I am not at all a top-of-the-bell-curve type human to begin with. I've been wanting to connect with more aspies, but when I did try a bit ago it ended in a complete fiasco as the person I tried to befriend turned out to be a complete dudebro and I had to cut him out of my life for my own peace of mind. There are some people I would like to befriend, but I'm not sure how to go about it anymore, adult friendships don't seem to follow sensible rules. I generally get along better with guys than women, but with guys it's always uncertain if they will want more than I can give (being married and in a poly relationship). I don't want to ever give the impression I'm leading someone on.

So I guess the whole point is how would someone go about meeting compatible autistic peers beyond awkwardly posting someplace like this?

What do you want in a friend?

Are there any support groups for autistics within a reasonable distance from where you live?

I would guess what most people want, like interests, sharing experiences, giving each other attention and support? I mean I have friends, I've just watched as I've gotten older and the real ones, the ones I can depend on, seem to be dwindling. I've also found that I'm tired of the social lies and contrived scripts needed to appear "normal." The nicest thing about the time I had a friend clearly on the spectrum like me was that we didn't bother with scripts, we were just us in all our autistic weirdness and it was a good thing. We happily dumped time and hyperfocus on each other and it was nice until I realized there were basic issues that made it impossible for me to continue being friends (not aspie issues, personality ones).

My psychiatrist suggested meet up groups locally, but there aren't any in my area for adults on the spectrum. That and with my social anxiety, going to a thing like that without knowing anyone would be difficult (not impossible). They also suggested online groups, so I found this place and posted some and then lurked some and am now posting again, but that just gives a general public connection.

When you are a kid, you just go, "Hey, will you be my friend?" but that's sort of frowned upon once you are an adult. As an adult are supposed to dance around it like some kind of weird bird mating ritual which I find silly.

Well if you want people who don't follow a script or dance around you've come to the right place, but I am curious.

You said you were in a polygamist relationship (That's what "poly" means right?). Are you friends with any of your sister wives?

(shrugs) We can talk about whatever. But it's funny you asked about friends cause it sounds like you could teach me a thing or two about being social. That said, I am married and monogamous.

Do you have any kids? I have a son.

I have two boys, 14 and 11. The younger one diagnosed on the spectrum, which is what prompted me to get my diagnosis, and the older one undiagnosed by his choice, but definitely broader autism phenotype. How old is your son?

Hello. Am I correct in interpreting what you wrote to mean that rather than wanting more friends, period, you want to meet friends that are ND rather than NT?

Other than my wife, I haven't had someone I'd call a true continuous friend in 17 years. I'm fine with that. I'm a bit older than you are.

I feel as Arevelion does; it sounds like you have friends.

I agree with you that NT adult friendships are hard to figure out how to start them. Life would be easier if adults, like kids, started off with: "Let's be friends." And establish parameters at the outset to be modified if and when the two see fit. Obviously NTs do NOT operate that way.....

Oh so your boys are coming along in life. Good for your older son for not letting a potential disability define him. It's not the route I took, but still it's cool of him. My son is only 3 months old. He's kooing and giggling as we speak. It's too early to tell, but I suspect he's NT, even though both me and my wife have autism spectrum disorders. It makes me nervous. He may very well end up running circles around us.

I’ll talk to you if you want to. I literally have 0 friends lol.

I’m in my early 20s no kids