Don't be a flaker

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A flaker says yes to plans, but then always cancels. Then they get upset when they don't get invited anywhere anymore.

Yes, you're friend does need to know if you are coming along because they need to tell the restaurant how many seats to reserve.

A former friend often flaked more often than not.

Every slightest lil excuse

We agreed that we would meet for my birthday. Age 18. Waited for her call. She called late. The stupid b***h told me that her dads birthday was next week and she had a lot of homework

f**k that b***h

She knew when his birthday was

She knew how much homework she had

She could at least have called earlier



If it happened once in a while, that's one thing


But over half the times



Another time she told me "I'll probably definitely be there".

Six hours later, no show and no call


One time she cancelled within two hour



And she acted like she did not do anything wrong



That time or any other time



We agreed that I would go to her apartment. After that she emailed me to tell me that she was dog sitting and they were "very friendly dogs". And that if I was ""uncomfortable" I could reschedule.









They were not even her dogs

She knew I was coming, before she agreed to dog sit


It's not like I surprised her by dropping in and ordered her to lick up the lil f*****s


And the lil f*****s came chasing and barking at me and touched me physically and scared the s**t out of me


"I'm sorry she nipped you", Amy Lee b***h told me


"Sorry" like sympathy.


Not apology





f**k Amy Lee b***h

This is why you don't make plans ahead of time for leisure activities. Just go with the flow.

"Wanna go out?"

"Sure, when?"

"Now."

"Let me get my coat."

Easy.

My husband has a relative who constantly flakes, usually citing a migraine.

We were trying to reach out to her after her spouse passed away, but she turned down every effort. I finally told him I wasn't going to make any more overtures. But I do remind him to phone her now and then.

BTW this wasn't just her particular form of grieving. She habitually flaked before her husband died, too.

Amy Lee b***h acted like she was justified in cancelling plans with me, just because something better came up

The only time I cancel plans is when something worse comes up. Like a car ran me over


At least one time, she flaked to hang out with a different friend


That is the problem when you have one friend and the friend has 100 friends

It is not an even playing field inherently

What if the "worse" thing is a sudden panic attack or severe social anxiety? This is a common problem for many people on the autism spectrum.

It seems to me members of the aspie community would be more understanding of things like that than NTs - that is, if the person flaking out on us is being honest because they don't feel guilted into admitting a different problem than simple anxiety (which wouldn't surprise me given society's lack of understanding into socialising issues for aspies).

Social anxiety makes me flake.

Going to the thing just becomes more an more overwhelming the closer it gets to it, to the point where I feel I'll burst if I go. I hate to flake and I usually do want to go deep down, but when I force myself, the anxiety worsens and I end up being all locked up and miserable. I'm extra extra awkward, having mini panic attacks, can't think of any words to say, and just not fun to be around. It confuses people and none of us have fun.

If I don't go to the thing, I feel terrible about canceling and about missing out. The anxiety usually worsens because I feel like an awful friend and guilty that I've burnt all my bridges.

So as much as not flaking out is a great idea, it's also nearly impossible sometimes!

My partner had neurological issue. It is hard to show up on time if you get slower and slower and don't admit that something is wrong. Though everyone "knew."

Alita

It is hard to imagine Amy Lee b***h has social anxiety

However I am not telepathic

Worse things could have happened, besides panic attacks, that she did not tell me about. (Fine).

But I am not a stalkers so I do not know "the truth"

Often she did not phone me to cancel

Sometimes she cancelled with insufficient notice

Usually she did not apologize or acknowledge the inconvenience she caused

In any event, the cancelling occurred a bit too often

The other thing to keep in mind with these kinds of flaky people is that they don't just get upset when they aren't invited anymore but they get mad when you call them out on their games they are playing. They also get super upset when you cut them from your circle of friends because they aren't being upfront with on things.

I'm a fluke, not a flake

My childhood friend and her family were flakers for sure and would make plans to do things without family and had bailed several times because I did things that bothered them like endlessly talking about Disney but they never told me it bothered them. So they pretended they were "Cool" about it. Instead, they would make plans with my family and I in regards to me sleeping at their house and going camping with them. Several times they would make these plans and then turn around and cry wolf on me.
Example
1. They took off and went to a camping convention as a family and that my friend didn't really say I could sleep over. Her mom also was feeling icky
2. The second time they bailed on me because her parents were "Sick"
3.My friend's grandparents came at the last minute unexpected
4. I got invited to go camping with them 4th of July weekend after promising me for a month and a half, tried to bail on me by saying she would be stuck at the campground watching all three of us because her husband was working. That was a big lie because my mom offered to chaperone because he was there the whole time.

THIS. You hit it on the head.

Sometimes I can only get myself to go somewhere if I promise myself that as soon as I get there I'll have a glass of wine in my hand. That always helps loosen me up. And it's not like I'm an alcoholic if I only drink at those rare social occasions that fill me with absolute dread. I reckon I'd rather give birth sometimes than go out somewhere I don't want to be.

well, sometimes people say yes intending to cancel at the last minute or do a no show depending on the situation, because the person "inviting" them refuse to take no for an answer!

Of course, I wasn't making any comment on this person who you know better than I do. I just don't think all people can be painted with the same brush. Obviously she should have acknowledged the inconvenience. It would be hard to be friends and continue making plans with someone who constantly cancels with little notice.

Mind you, not everyone is up to admitting why they cancel - for a long time, I didn't want to acknowledge I had social anxiety because of the stigma. I would just say I wasn't feeling well if I didn't want to go out, and the anxiety wouldn't hit me until literally the last day, building like labour contractions until I felt physically sick.

Once I pushed through, it would usually be okay, but many times I asked myself if it should really be this hard having some semblance of a social life??? Like, maybe some of us were just meant to be loners. Even when I'm at a party, I usually end up hanging out somewhere outside with the artists and misfits and other loner people. They're my crowd and I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with is the *society* people who are putting on a show, swanning around and trying to impress each other while putting down their competition...and the emotional soup of different implied meanings and nuances of communication is just a nightmare. I feel like I'm literally escaping from jail whenever I leave places like that.

It got to the point that I had to take a separate car whenever I accompanied my family to a do because I didn't know if I would want to stay as long as they did. Having parents who don't even acknowledge Asperger's as a condition certainly didn't help.

Anyway, rabbiting. I hope you weren't offended by my comment. I support you in your feelings. If people don't want to make an effort with you, speak up and let them explain themselves. If their reasons aren't good enough, dump them. Find a better crowd, you deserve the respect.

Oftentimes, I want to go somewhere and I really want to be there because the activity is to my liking and then the reality hits where
1. I don't feel like attending
2. My budget is too tight
3. It's too late

It goes on and on and on

For example, I was planning on attending a party at a bar this past weekend but I ended up staying home and just ordering out and doing a movie night. Why? I live in Atlanta and was doing activities related to the super bowl the night before and got back pretty late. Then I was going to a party in Atlanta on Superbowl Sunday. So I wanted to be rested up. Plus the party did not start until 9:00 and end at 2:00 AM. So I decided to skip it.