What NT people say & what they really mean

Post Reply New Topic

This has been requested by a few posters.

This is a list of common phrases of what the majority of NT people say and what they actually mean. Yes, I know that not all NTs are like this, but most are. The translations are literal. For slang, I recommend Urban Dictionary.

“Hey”
Translation: I’m acknowledging your presence, please say hey back & stop walking if you want to chat. If I feel like chatting I’ll stop, if not, I’ll keep walking.

“Hey (your name)”
Translation: I’m acknowledging your presence. Please stop what you’re doing and talk to me. If you said hi/hey first, I am acknowledging your presence.

“What’s up”
Translation: If I am telling you this in passing, please say “Nothing much, what about you?”. If you came to me with a problem, please tell me what it is.

“What’s wrong?”
Translation: You seem upset, sad, or worried and I don’t know why. Please tell me what’s wrong.

“What’s up with you (today)?”
Translation: You seem uncharacteristic/ acting strange or weird today, please tell me why.

“How are you?”
Translation: I am being friendly, please tell me either “good, fine, or not that great”. If I am a really close friend, please tell me how you really are feeling.

“Let’s hangout sometime”
Translation: I don’t want to actually hangout, I’m just trying to be nice.

“No offense but...”
Translation: I do mean offense, I’m just trying to be nice.

“What are your plans for...”
Translation: I want to hangout with you so I want to know your schedule. If you want to hangout say “Nothing much”, or what you are doing and ask if I want to join. If you don’t, say “I’m really busy”. I also might be hitting on you.

“Do you want to _____ sometime?” “Let’s ____ sometime”
Translation: I want get to know you. Say yes if you want to or suggest something else. If you don’t want to, say no thank you. I also might be hitting on you.

Note* If an NT ever adds “sometime” or keeps the plans extremely vague (didn’t add a time, place, or date, they most likely don’t want to do it with you)

“You look great (in that _____)”
Translation: If I am not a relative, I am probably hitting on you or am in awe of you.

“Where do you live?/ Where’s your (apartment/house/condo/etc.) What’s your location?”
Translation: I am trying to figure out if you live nearby, so please tell me where you live. I want to hangout, date, or give you a job.

“What area/neighborhood do you live in/are from?”
Translation:Above ^ or I am trying to find out your socioeconomic status.

“What’s your job?”
Translation: I’m trying to figure out your social economic status.

“Are you serious?”
Translation: I can’t believe it. I’m shocked.

“What about you?”
Translation: You just asked me a question, now I want you to answer your own question.

“What’s wrong with you?”
Translation: I can’t believe you just said/did that. Tell me why you said/did it.

“Thank you”
Translation: I am acknowledging your favor.

“You’re welcome”
Translation: I am acknowledging your gratitude.

“Goodbye/bye/goodnight/night”
Translation: I am done with this conversation.

“(I’ll) See you later” “(I’ll) see you again sometime”
Translation: I’ll see you later when I run into you.

“____ only if you want”
Translation: I am making you do this or really hoping that you’ll do this, so do it. I’m just trying to be nice.

“Could/can you (please) _____”
Translation: Do this, I’m just trying to ask nicely. I might get upset if you don’t.

“I’m not feeling well (today)”
Translation: I’m either sick or I don’t want to hangout/talk with you or I am trying to make an excuse for slacking off.

“I look fat/ugly/(insert self deprecating adjective here” “I’m so bad at _____”
Translation: I am looking for validation or assurance, please validate or reassure me. Tell me “Noooo, you’re not fat/ugly/ etc. you’re (opposite of self deprecating adjective)”

“I hate doing ____”
Translation: Don’t make me do ____ or I’ll hate you.

Edit: Please let me know other phrases you’d like me to cover.

Many of these things are very obvious. I would assume that anyone here already knows things such as the meaning of salutations.

Keep in mind that not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, or saying something but meaning the opposite...or not...or maybe...or maybe today but tomorrow meaning something different are forms of playing mind games. Personally I have near zero or zero tolerance for mind games. I know that not all NTs play mind games, but I also know that many do.

For those people on the spectrum that may need a tutorial on what NTs really mean when they say something they don't really mean, maybe this is helpful. Just keep in mind that there are people on the spectrum such as myself that have no interest in trying to master this nebulous art form.

The OP makes a very good point that I don't think should be overlooked and bears repeating: Not all NTs play mind games. That means for anyone who wouldn't want to be around someone who does play mind games, avoid them. There are certainly people out there, NT and ND alike that are honest and direct in saying what they mean.

Hi Magna, even that it's oviouse to you it's not at all for all people here.
@Tiana: All people here are very different and have different problems. It's a problem that many very different conditions are all lumped together as being just 'autism'. In the end the different problems need to be separated. I think we need some subforums here regarding the different problems. Otherwise some people here expect all others being the same way that they are or getting bored about reading of problems the don't have themself.

Last edited by quite an extreme on 24 Feb 2020, 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think some of these are good, particularly this one which years ago I would have taken very literally:

Another one is "We should talk more often/see each other more often" or "We should catch up sometime", a lot of the time people don't really mean this.

I'm not sure if this still applies, but in my teens when I asked a person for their number (I was extremely direct and blunt about it) and they gave me their number, if they didn't answer their calls or texts, they didn't want to know. Why they gave me their number in the first place is beyond me, as it was a sea of confusion for me back then. Sometimes they gave me their e-mail address instead, and would reply with very short replies or say they weren't good with e-mails. Another hint that they don't want to know. I don't have those rubbish reply problems anymore because I can read body language and can usually tell a person's intent. To be fair to those people I probably scared them though lol. Teenage me was extremely literal (still am, I just use ways and methods around it) and got confused on a very regular basis.

These are the sort of things I say but I'm not NT.

I have another one you might like to add (this I don't say).

"Do you want something?"
Translation: Bugger off, I don't feel like talking to you.
*Note: This only applies if you hover about trying to make conversation and wondering why they seem a bit "off".

This one makes zero sense to you: why even mention it if you aren't interested? I know I have used this in the past when I know the other person has a much busier schedule than I do. Apparently the reason they never got back to me was because my "let's get together" actually means the opposite?

There's also tone of voice involved in that one.

It rather annoys me when people do this. Especially if it's an ironic invite. I've ended up going to events that someone was joking about but they ended up going to anyway because they didn't want to let me down since I missed the subtext.

When I suggest hanging out I start discussing what days work with the person shortly after the suggested activity. If someone doesn't want to go, I'd rather that they just let me know instead of never getting back to me or pushing it back repeatedly without telling me what time is a better alternative.

Speaking of ironic invites, I dislike it when I'm invited to a dancing event yet when I get there I'm expected to just stand there with my group and judge the people who are dancing. I've never understood the whole we're too cool to dance at this dancing event and we'll make fun of those who do. Nah. Stuff that. I came to this dancing event to dance. Fair enough if you simply don't want to, but I've never understood the sense of superiority certain people have for not doing so. It doesn't make you more mature.

It's up to the people. You'll get a lot about the way that people are by the way that they are dancing. People dislike to make a bad impression. For this especially men often dislike dancing.

Once I was in a club and saw two guys who wanted to dance but didn't really dare to do. I disliked their stiffness. So I sayd "You should dance!" and shoved them a bit to make them moving. They got the hint and did immediately a wild way. Short time after it a girl came to me and asked "Can yo do what you did to them do to my boyfriend over there too please?" Cute. But no way. I went to him but he disliked to dance at all.

Just a hint: I found two women who I suspect they had Aspergers to be awfully strange if they were dancing. If you are on the spectrum train a bit with your girl friends before doing it public.

I'm not sure but doesn't means "let's get together" just "Let's become a couple" ?
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bethhar ... ether.html
May be "Let's meet later at" or so would be better.

I've learnt a variety of different dance styles from when I was five until about fourteen years old (haven't done much since though, I'm twenty now). Never could get the hang of tap or ballet. However, I'm alright at modern freestyle dancing (at least to a level that isn't too embarrassing). I can be a little awkward since I can be a bit self-conscious at first when I start dancing, but once I get into the flow it's fine. A friend of mine told me I was a good dancer, but I think she might've just wanted to be nice. Regardless of how terrible I may or may not be, I'm still going to dance.

Typically I don't call my female friends my girl friends (although I'd like to have someone I could call a girlfriend (in the romantic sense) someday, but that's another subject entirely ). I think of myself as possibly BAP but not on the spectrum, I have traits that have an influence on my life but not to a disabling level.

Every additional example of something said that appears to be kind and encouraging but really means the opposite will only prove my point that dishonesty and playing mind games is something many people do. Not all people do, however.

I for one don't consider such things to be good, nice or helpful to the overall human condition. I have zero desire to aspire to such behavior. For those that do, more power to them I guess?

It makes no sense to me either. Why not just say nothing?

Yeah, this one I really don't get. Why do NTs think it's better to lie than to tell the truth in a nice way? I straight tell people, "No, I don't want to do that." Or if I want to be funny, I say over-the-top reluctantly "Sorry, I'm busy that day/night/week," even though they never gave a specific date . It normally gets a laugh and they easily get the point.

I love this, thank you! It seems like it would work as a list of things to say, as well.

I've received these same comments from people who self-identify as being on the Autism spectrum. This means that either everybody uses these same phrases, or else those who have self-identified aren't really on the spectrum.