I wish I had female friends

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Don't get me wrong: I am not saying I want to be in a friend zone. Quite the opposite, I really want to date. But, at the same time, I want to have female friends as well. I guess I want both: to date one woman and to have other women as friends.

I guess, even when I look at this board, when I see a female expressing a concern about something, there is often another female coming to support her. But when males express a concern, its usually males that come to support them. Now, male support isn't as valuable as female support from emotional standpoint, so I wish I could get more female support. Sometimes I wonder: do women perceive a woman with problems differently than they perceive a man with problems? What do you think is the reason for it? Which poll options do you think explain this pattern of behavior?

I guess, to be fair, back in 2005, there was one female whom I met in class who was super supportive. But then when I asked her out and realized I was in a friend zone, then I took it personally and the whole thing fell apart. So I guess next time I have a female friend I should refrain from asking her out so that I can keep her friendship. But then again, I want a girlfriend too. So I dunno what to do.

Sometimes I wish I was a woman, and then I would get all the female emotional support and, at the same time, I won't have to feel bad for not having a girlfriend. Although I assure you I wouldn't have any boyfriend either -- I am attracted solely to women, regardless of my gender. But I don't mind being a woman and being single for my whole life. After all, the sex thing isn't that important to me, what I find important is the emotional connection. SO having emotional connection with women -- without a stigma that "it is bad to be in a friend zone" -- would be all I want.

But then again, I don't want to be around guys who look at me as a woman, so I guess I want to be chamilion, being a male around males and female around females. Speaking of males, a few days ago I was running to the bus that was about to depart, and some guy walking down the street said "bud you need to hurry". I thought to myself "wow, isn't it great that guy thought of me as one of his fellow guys, as opposed to a complete outcast I am normally perceived as?" So I guess in that context I wanted to be a guy since otherwise he wouldn't have addressed me that way. So I guess, all in all, I would like people to treat me as one of their own, whether that be guys or girls. But I would value female friendship far higher than male friendship, due to the emotional component that it carries.

Depending on one’s culture, guys may not always be as open with expressing their feelings so women might not know how much they are impacted by whatever problem they are having.

Sometimes women worry that their interest will be taken as romantic interest which will leave the man feeling worse than if she had never comforted him. This is largely situational, too. When a guy who liked me was struggling, I wanted to provide support, but I knew that doing so would’ve got his hopes up. Instead, I found indirect ways of helping him.

In any case, I have offered support to guy friends, but I haven’t had that many close guy friends to begin with. We tend to know more about what’s going on with people we are close to than people we aren’t.

The subject line of your post and your poll confuse me since they don't seem to be about the same subject.

I have had few female friends in my life, but the ones I've had have been wonderful. The biggest reason why I didn't have a lot of female friends when I was younger is because making any sort of connection with a young woman when I was younger nearly always resulted in me being attracted to her.

One exception that comes to mind was a friend of a girlfriend I had. The three of us were basically the same age, but this friend was like a big sister to both my girlfriend and to me. I think given that this friend was a friend of my girlfriend, that was a line that I would not cross. The basis for my friendship with her and the understanding is that our relationship was going to be platonic and was. She was such a great friend and it was liberating in a way to be able to have a female friend that I didn't feel automatically attracted to because of my age. I'm not ashamed to say that at that age I would not have been capable of having numerous meaningful platonic friendships with girls because frankly that wasn't my interest at that point in my life. Hormones and biology are so powerful. I was interested in romantic/sexual relationships. Again, that's why my friendship with her was so unique and special.

I agree to TwilightPrincess, I learned the hard way that being supportive to a lonely male is likely to trigger false hopes in him and leave him even more emotionally broken. It got easier as I age, have children and, at least in my culture, being married is something people respect. Now I can get maternal and it's okay

As a tomboy, I think I can get (and give) the best of male and female firendship. Female support and male honesty

Women not seeming to support men on this forum could be about the men having problems that many women can't relate to at all. Or they don't want to comment on some particular man's topic because he has a habit of attacking women and belittleling what they say. Or they fear that one of those men will attack them on some other man's (or woman's) thread. I no longer post in L&D for these reasons.

Many women happen to be very supportive of men. Maternal, even.

There is the fear that a man might take this “support” to indicate romantic interest. I’ve made that mistake myself.

It’s good for men to have women friends, and vice versa.

I don’t think this bitterness, for the most part, is as deep as what you will find on other sites.

Error in the poll: "Women are afraid that their emotional support will be wrongly taken as sexual interest" -- there is a line break between "wrongly" and "taken", resulting in that sentence appearing to be two options rather than just one.

You have a few who are absurdly bitter, yes. To the point of absurdity. They come up with these stupid theories, and read too much about such things as "20% of the hot guys get 80% of the girls." And, even if reality stares them in the face, they won't change.

But many are more moderate than that. I feel some of those "moderate" people have "bad days" at times. And they feel contrite and apologize.

I feel like most people are reasonable----especially when reasonableness is part and parcel of a particular thread.

Ego often gets in the way here. The need to be "right" at all costs.