Neuro-typical friend hurt my feelings! :'(

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I'm a 21 year old girl with high functioning Autism. I have a really close NT friend, let's call her M, who i've been friends with since high school. M is one of my only friends from high school who I still talk to, and she and I hung out a couple times during high school and once after high school(we're in college now). Anyways, it was her birthday last week, and I texted her wishing her a happy birthday. She never thanked me or even responded for that matter. I was very hurt. I texted another really close friend, let's call him J, yesterday and told him what happened, and he responded saying that he knows how I feel and that this happens all the time to people like us(Unlike M, J has high functioning Autism just like I have, so I can relate to him better). J really cheered me up after what happened. I forgot about what happened until I came across some pictures of M's birthday party on Facebook last weekend. Not only did she never respond to me when I wished her a happy birthday, but she didn't invite me to her birthday party! I thought she was my friend! She invited all of her friends except me(All her other friends are NT like her. I'm her only Autistic friend.)! Even a girl who bullied me in high school got invited! I was again very hurt! What did I do to her to make her treat me this way? I've always been very nice to her(some of the people she invited aren't so nice to her)! Why can't she be nice back? Even before it was her birthday, I had seen her mom in public, and I texted her letting her know that I bumped into her mom in public, and she never responded. How can I make myself feel better? Should I tell her mom how she's making me feel and ask her mom to punish her if she doesn't apologize to me? Should I try and get together with J? It's actually going to be J's birthday in a few weeks, and he invited me to HIS birthday party. J's party is in a few weeks, and i'm really excited to go, but it's going to be mostly guys(all Autistic) at his party and I might be the only girl there. On the other hand, there were a lot of girls at M's party and if I would've been invited, I would've gotten to go to a party where I had other girls to keep me company, but I wasn't invited. I'm upset that she didn't invite me! Not only that, but I want female friends, not friends of the opposite gender. Guys don't have the same interests as girls. Please help me feel better in this situation! I'm really upset and hurt! Me having Autism is most likely the ONLY reason I wasn't invited! Should I text J again and tell him how I feel? He has always been very supportive of me!

It is perplexing why she didn't invite you to her party. And it's no excuse saying "maybe she didn't invite you because she thinks you might not want to go to a party", because if she's a good friend she should know that you'd have wanted to come to her birthday party.

I get similar treatment to this. Like I often get people unfriend me on Facebook for no reason, but they don't unfriend anyone else. Usually this happens if a colleague leaves his or her job. Even if I talk to them on Facebook and like their posts, etc, it's like they think "oh I don't work with Joe90 any more, so I don't want to be friends any more", and then unfriend me - but they don't unfriend anyone else at work, even if they don't really acknowledge each other on Facebook or in real life (if I ask the others if they're still in touch with the person that left, they say no, but they are still on their Facebook friends list).

Yeah, it's hard not to let stuff like this get to you. It's so hurtful when you're friends with somebody but they decide to leave you out or reject you for no reason. It's hard not to take it personally.


Hugs.

I think you should just ask her what's going on. If she doesn't give you any answer then it's very likely that she's trying to cut you off. If that's the case then just let her; you can't force someone to be your friend.
Also, guys often do have some shared interests with girls. Keep an open mind!

There is a circle to human life. A man and a woman join together. The product will be you, a little baby who is protected and nurtured by your parents. The first transition that you experience is going to school. In school you become part of a tribe - the boy tribe or the girl tribe. You make some friends in your tribe. But then puberty arrives and the boy and girl tribes begin to disintegrate. Boys are suddenly aware of girls and girls are suddenly aware of boys. Maybe "aware" is the wrong term, maybe "obsessed" is a better term to use. During this transition boys and girls practice dating. Their focus is finding a mate and becoming a couple and allowing the circle to begin again.

Many Aspies will experience bullying in school. For males this generally peaks during Junior High School. For females this generally peaks during High School. After this the intensity diminishes. For many Aspie boys and girls, their friends disappear. They feel like they are being stabbed in the back by the ones they trusted the most. It is a hard time.

So you are currently in transition period. The girl tribe that you were in has dissolved away. It no longer exist.

So my advise is to go to the birthday party of "J". Let him know in advance that you will attend. Just like you felt let down for not being invited to "M" birthday party, do you want "J" to feel the same way if no one shows up for his party? Or would you rather make his birthday party a roaring success? For Aspie boys there is a status symbol to having a girl show up at their party. It will attract other boys to attend J's Party.

Remember Aspie males are also going through this transition also. And you may find some new friends, both males and females in the process.

There is one more thing I would like to explain to you. It is probably not written in any book so pay close attention. You are in a transition. Your girl tribe is melting away. The rules in the next transition state, the couples tribe, are different. For you, the way you gain entry into a couple's tribe is by having a boyfriend. It then allows you to make new friends as a couple. By being a couple it validates you. It is like being presented with the keys to the city. It validates:

Your boyfriend is worthy. You have found something in him that you find attractive. Something that makes him interesting. Something desirable and special.

It also proclaims that he has found something in you that makes you worthy of being a partner. He has found something in you that he has found attractive. Something that makes you interesting. Something desirable and special.

At this point you are a couple. All his friends and all your friends are now interlinked together. And the door is wide open to make more friends as a couple.

There is a word that comes into play here. It is called prestige. It means widespread respect and admiration felt for someone or something on the basis of a perception of their achievements or quality. When I think of this word, it reminds me of Latin Dancing. In many latin dances, the objective of the male is to show off the skills of the female in dancing. I saw a film several years ago. It was a beautiful film called "Strictly Ballroom". Here is a 5 minute glimpse of part of the film where the boy first meets the girls family and tries unsuccessfully to gain their acceptance.



If I remember correctly, this film is about a boy learning the meaning of prestige.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, NT people are very tribalistic, especially women. It's like they can smell you are different, and act accordingly. But they're not all like that. I've found older female friends to be more reliable, less dramatic, emotional and volatile.

If she didn't invite you to her party and isn't responding to you, then like another person suggested, she's probably trying to cut you out. Just let her go. You have other people and most importantly you have yourself and you're a good person worth spending time with, if she can't see that
, more pity to her, other people will. Chances are she will never get another friend as dedicated and loyal as you, what a loss!