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leiselmum
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30 Aug 2019, 2:51 am

Is it ok to reach out to a fellow anxiety sufferer? Even though you see them weekly in customer service and thats all you know about them. I think my daughter makes him extremely nervous.
My daughter is Aspergian and quiet beautiful to look at. She is very anti social and is going to speak with no one publicly in that type of setting.

This anxious person in question is very loud and talky with collegues and customers when we are close by but when it comes to my daughter and me and he is checking out our things, he is deathly anxious and serious. I feel like saying its ok, we are in no way better than you in any way shape or form. We are far from perfect. Am I wrong?.

She is not arrogant or judgemental she is on the autism spectrum. We do our weekly shop there and its been like this for a few years now. We or just my daughter make him really uncomfortable. If he knows we are in the store, he will make his way around close to us and get really chatty talky with one of his colleagues.

We were in his checkout lane one other time, talked the hat off his previous customer, we were next up for paying checking through, deadly awkward silence. He has probably translated my daughters social awkwardness as a rejection of sorts. She has no clue whats up.

I think he likes her, but doesnt know what to do himself. First time he checked our stuff through he saw her for the first time and let out an audible sound that he thought she was attractive. Should we find a new shop. He now seems very anxious when we are in the store.



CubsBullsBears
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30 Aug 2019, 4:37 pm

Based off of my experience, a common trait of awkwardness between two people don't usually lead to friendship/relationship. If anything, it's doubles the awkwardness. So if there's any chance of the two becoming friends or more than that, you're gonna have to be the one to take action. You could ask him if he would like to go to dinner with you and your daughter. Your presence would help shatter the awkwardness in a big way. If his nervousness prevents him from saying yes, give him a piece of paper with your daughters and/or your phone number in case he ever changes his mind. I don't think there's anything else you can do beyond that.


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Early 20s male with Asperger’s and what feels like a mood disorder


MrsPeel
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31 Aug 2019, 12:32 am

To be honest, I don't see why you are concerned with this guy's issues.
But since it does seem to concern you, you could maybe try talking to him next time, just say hello, how are you doing, or whatever. And then maybe mention that your daughter doesn't talk much, if that seems appropriate.



leiselmum
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01 Sep 2019, 10:17 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Based off of my experience, a common trait of awkwardness between two people don't usually lead to friendship/relationship. If anything, it's doubles the awkwardness. So if there's any chance of the two becoming friends or more than that, you're gonna have to be the one to take action. You could ask him if he would like to go to dinner with you and your daughter. Your presence would help shatter the awkwardness in a big way. If his nervousness prevents him from saying yes, give him a piece of paper with your daughters and/or your phone number in case he ever changes his mind. I don't think there's anything else you can do beyond that.



Thanks, I appreciate your advice. Baby steps I will take. Have a great day.



leiselmum
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01 Sep 2019, 10:22 pm

MrsPeel wrote:
To be honest, I don't see why you are concerned with this guy's issues.
But since it does seem to concern you, you could maybe try talking to him next time, just say hello, how are you doing, or whatever. And then maybe mention that your daughter doesn't talk much, if that seems appropriate.



I guess it matters as I'm a hyper sensitive personality and an empath with strong intuition. I am aware that I dont want my daughter to go on in this world alone when I'm gone. I can feel his frustrated but nervous vibe and strong attraction to my daughter. Thanks for your input. :D



Archmage Arcane
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02 Sep 2019, 8:12 pm

leiselmum wrote:
MrsPeel wrote:
To be honest, I don't see why you are concerned with this guy's issues.
But since it does seem to concern you, you could maybe try talking to him next time, just say hello, how are you doing, or whatever. And then maybe mention that your daughter doesn't talk much, if that seems appropriate.



I guess it matters as I'm a hyper sensitive personality and an empath with strong intuition. I am aware that I dont want my daughter to go on in this world alone when I'm gone. I can feel his frustrated but nervous vibe and strong attraction to my daughter. Thanks for your input. :D


Yes, I think he's attracted to her. When I was that age, I was him. Give the invitation a try. He'll probably be quite shocked, but in a good way once he gets over the initial shock reaction.