What I consider an impeding emergency in the Social World

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Heads Up: The URLS are not clickable, because I am a new user to Wrong Planet, but if you google the titles word for word that are bold and underlined, they should come up the same article I assume.

Not sure this is the best spot, I wanted to post this in a specific forum best suited for adults only. I am not diagnosed ASD, but I've been suspect for a very long time and live in a country where it is not quite well known yet. Until the name changed and diagnosis manual changed, with my own suspicion or "self-diagnosis", I used to have social issues and then google "aspergers" followed by the social issue I was having. The results and articles found seemed more specific, cover more extended questions that would come up that perhaps articles written for "normies" wouldn't cover, and also would offer less advice about dishonest solutions. I have come to discover the very deep topic of narcissism which I will get to in the final paragraph and want to express an impeding emergency that I sense in the social world of both adult "aspies" and the world around them.

First, one reason I say this is an emergency is the personal preference to stay "In the closet", this relates to the world of adult aspies who have chosen the same. Not all countries is it well known due to awareness, and not all cities or towns, or workplaces. Some people that are aware of it flat out deny it's existence as well. I am un-diagnosed and I'm not sure if it's fully a benefit to be diagnosed, it creates records, and as someone who I think is on the spectrum I've felt vulnerable my entire life and knowing that no one knows that I suspect this of myself makes me feel very safe. There is no paper trail that points to me having it so a predatory person has to figure it out on their own if I even have it. I have long suspected that if I do have it and were to blast the fact that I have it or I guess "on it" these days, that anyone that wanted to take advantage of me would pretend that they have it since I usually can trust anyone I suspect of having it or being on the spectrum usually better than someone i suspect is not on the spectrum, or at least the trust is different because my expectations of them and how they are likely to respond are more appropriate and reliable. As someone with trust issues it's like an instant feeling of relief to sense autism in someone.

The second reason I say this is an emergency is a sudden awareness of a possible accidental appearance that could be causing great harm, particularly in men on the spectrum who are adults trying to become better men, but I would assume due to some of the sometimes naturally occurring androgynous nature of those on the spectrum some females can probably relate as well, so continue reading regardless of your gender. This might help you. I hope typing this helps a great deal of people. As an adult you probably have had a long history of hearing "you are a genius!" and "you are an idiot!", and never whatever you would be in the middle of those two, that would incidentally mean less attention, good or bad. People would either see themselves as being above you or below you and act accordingly. Either with the highest regard that seems almost unearned, or the most disrespect ever, also that seems almost unearned. If you try to say "hey I'm not THAT smart!" they dismiss it. And equally, if you try to defend your actions as something smart to someone that thinks you are stupid, you are going to be met with a bunch of things you "should have known". Internally, I am an extrovert who probably appears as an introvert to people that I don't trust. I think about people day and night. I want to talk to them often, and want to be reached out to often. I long and hunger to be around people as much as possible, as long as it's by choice. I think this is a lot of extroverted aspies, we are an anomaly. We are the weirdos in a group that's already seen as weird. I like large crowds, I like the idea of parties and all that. Collaboration and synergy and group accomplishments are probably the most exciting elements of human life to me. But... due to what I think is mind-blindness I can't tell when someone is abusive or a frenemy or even an "obvious enemy" who isn't just being brutally honest till it's way too late. There are friends, and co-workers, and bosses, and relationships and family members and so many types of people in my life that I don't know when the connection is going to expire. As an adult this is a huge problem. That connection is often an illusion as I'm going to identify in the last paragraph. I also have no idea how I appear to people and don't find much use obsessing over it because it only ends in negativity and uncertainty, as well as dishonest flattery on one side of the spectrum or dishonest insults on the other. I see who I am in the mirror. I am okay with that. I love myself. I love a lot of people. But there's always that wonder of what people actually think of me. Because as much as I say it doesn't matter and as much as it really doesn't matter much to me, it does affect the success of my life and work, and relationships. I don't want to appear bigger or more important than I am or small or less important than I am. I want to appear as I am. No distortion, no ego, no fake imagery, no nothing. I want to naturally progress, I want to naturally earn and naturally connect. In reality. I don't want to imagine these things and "play pretend" unwillingly. The discovery of the very deep topic of narcissism has made me realize that the old standby of googling "aspergers" followed by "narcissism" will show you a plethora of articles by those on neither spectrum (as narcissism is a spectrum of it's own as well) trying to tell the two apart, using various inaccurate and accurate stereotypes of autism and higher functioning ASD. If you are an adult on the spectrum that has discovered the world of narcissism in the universe of psychology, it is quite an eye opener. You will probably find a lot of assumptions that have been made about you and things you have done in your past to "fit in" or to "be normal" or even advice given by others you thought cared about you and your outcome that would by their action make people assume some pretty terrible things about you. All this adds to the social issues you are already having. If you are an adult aspie, a great deal of people might have you mislabeled in their minds as a narcissist. You might be suffering from miscommunications as well as an unearned hatred and fear. As well as some pretty negative ideas of what you intend to do with all of your actions and time. This might explain that no matter how much you learn no matter how good you've been you always still have to be on the defensive at will as soon as neurotypical snaps their fingers and sounds the alarms.

Before beginning the final paragraph that I keep leading into, I'm going to share some URLs (just search YouTube for the two words, you'll find more of the same) you are likely to find by trying to google the two subjects:
- Narcissism or Asperger's? How to Tell the Difference - GoodTherapy
This one is pretty digestible because it's broken down into a table below the article. You might either identify with traits on both sides (depending on social maturity) or at least see little strange instances where you know what was going on but in the very fast moment someone else came to another conclusion and you were instantly vilified for it. Often times not realizing till minutes, days, or even years later.

- Narcissism or Aspergers: How Would You Diagnose These Cases ...
This one is a super long read, states the diagnostic criteria for both mentalities and then shows two different situations, followed by a conclusion that states sometimes there is an overlap. You might see Autism and Narcissism and Good Guys and Bad Guys at first and feel all offended and overwhelmed, but they are both things that have causes and reasons and those are sometimes beyond someone's control, especially with Narcissism being something that is not technically hereditary, it's caused by C-PTSD, there's also a subtype of C-PTSD that is confused with aspergers sometimes, I really wish I wrote that type down when I initially read the book. I can come back and state it by either searching the book digitally or by checking it at the library or something.

- Just Listen - Don't Confuse a Narcissist with Asperger's Syndrome ...
This one is full of paragraphs but interesting and a quick read. It might make you tear up a bit as well, so fair warning to the softies. It talks about the differences of being not sensitive and insensitive (as some of you might have already learned with anti-social and non-social concepts) it then goes on to tell a story about a father on the spectrum and how he relates to his daughter. The end is surprising as well as an eye opener.

Alright the final paragraph. I have used YouTube, Google, Quora, and countless other websites and articles to come to some conclusions. There's a lot of real people in the world, and there's a lot of fake people in the world. Another possibility is that we are all human and chose to be real or fake, good or bad, benevolent or malicious every day of the year. One thing I'll google every now and then is if someone would fake having aspergers. If someone would fake being on the autistic spectrum. It's something many of us are told we are doing if we disclose, so it's only natural to wonder if some people would actually take the time to fake it. As a lot of differences seem nice from the outside, having to live with struggles that are legitimate from the inside the difference is something that we often want to hide. Normal people want to be unique, unique people want to be treated normal, and so on. The feeling of mutual respect is one of the best feelings in the world but there are bad people who do bad things or people who do bad things on this planet. As an adult you know this and are aware of it I'm sure. If you weren't aware of Narcissism before reading this, I'm betting you are very interested, and will soon find a whole world of information on the subject, but none of it catering to people on the spectrum. It might explain a lot of your social issues you are having with people. They might be narcissists, they might be kind people that think you are a narcissist. As most people who are narcissists tend to be concerned a great deal with money power and status, I find it unlikely that someone would fake being on the spectrum to get a disability check, but who knows. I'm sure there are some cases. One thing I know, as someone that is likely to be on the spectrum, is I really want to know that if I've gotten my way in life I've done it on my own with my own deeds, my own progress, and my own friends. Honorably. I have a special interest I wish to turn into a career, as a lot of us do. I do not want to hurt ANYONE in the process and I do not want to take advantage of anyone either. There are various types of narcissists from the benign narcissist (that i think most neurotypicals of the 21st century are), where they take a lot of selfies and whatnot but are harmless. Then there's communal narcissists, covert narcissists, overt narcissists, religious narcissists, cerebral narcissists (they think they know it all, often only threatened by an aspie who actually does!), somatic narcissists (the people who focus a lot on the body and appearance of themselves and others), malignant narcissists, there's probably more. What's nice is the habits of all these types are so obvious after some familiarity you can find out which one you've appeared as. if you've been unlucky enough to follow "how to be normal" advice from any of these types, you can "catch fleas" which is a psychological term you'll soon learn about. I'm guessing a great deal of us have been affected by the covert narcissist and i propose that someone start a community for those on the spectrum to deal with narcissistic abuse. Capitalize on this, it's urgently needed. Maybe we are lucky enough to have an aspie who narcissism can become their obsession/special interest and results can be organized very quickly, because a great deal of us have no where to go.

And with that I'll conclude with one more URL:
We Need To Talk About The Domestic Abuse Of Autistic Adults - Medium
- This article talks a great deal about domestic abuse, which for a lot of us can come in the form of narcissistic abuse, because aspies and narcissists are naturally attracted to one another and while you might not be a narcissist, you might be in a bad situation and not even know it because you are so numb to the abuse, maybe even attracted to it, one person after another. You might be feeling it at work, at home with your family or at home with your spouse, a strange dark gut feeling you can't place your finger on. But like anyone else, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved, and you deserve a fighting chance.

I only opened this account to make this one post, as I do not wish to identify myself. I hope it causes more good than harm and helps everyone who reads it. There's so many resources for children on the spectrum and at times it can seem there is nothing for adults. I am hoping this is a catalyst to improve the life quality of us all. There is a ton of resources for narcissistic abuse and if you are officially diagnosed as being on the spectrum, I think you will have less issues than those of us choosing to stay "in the closet" till it's a safer world for us to come out into.

tl,dr

I would suggest posting about these different articles as separate topics a few days apart.

I doubt he's going to take up the suggestion as he's promised this is his one and only post.

His post gave me an idea though! Alex should run workshops on how writing concisely using summaries or abstracts so that interested parties don't have to read entire theses.

.... Really?