How I overcame some of my social fears

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Hey everyone, newbie here.

When I found out about this site I felt a little relieved that there are actually other people around who want to talk about their Asperger's problems, or issues. I was thinking I was the only one.

Anyway, I read through some of the threads here and noticed a lot of people had the same problems fitting in that I had a few years ago, but have (kinda, anyway) gotten over.

First of all, I'll say girls are still an issue, but I'm slowly building up confidence... very slowly. But meeting new people that aren't girls my age is a lot easier. Before, I used to try to emulate 'normal' behaviour and, like some have also admitted, I couldn't do it. My 'friends' just told me to get lost.

This happened for a good 5 years. Then it hit me... I'm trying to be normal and people aren't liking who I'm trying to be. Why bother continuing this failed facade? I made a decision that I would be me. I will talk about what I want to talk about, say what I want to say, and do what I want to do. If my 'friends' don't like it, they aren't worth my time, and they sure as hell aren't friends.

And to my surprise, it worked in my favour. People actually liked my eccentricities and my 'random logic' humour. I was able to have fun and joke about my unusual habits, and obsessions. My odd traits were unique to these people, and they also liked it. So called friends had become actual friends.

Since then, I've been much more comfortable introducing myself to stranges... girls are still tough, but people who I'm not attracted to are fairly easy to talk to now.

Has anyone else tried this approach?

Sounds like my approach at work.

My attempts at being NT were limited only to junior high school and they failed miserably.

So I figured to myself, "I'm me. I'm different, but I'm me."

The people at work find me at time to be wierd and strange, but becasue I'm not trying to be something I'm not, I've manged to achive a certain level of acceptance.

So we should be ourselves, but be the best we can be. That's what I believe.

I never tried to be anyone else. The concept is rather foreign to me.

I did try to engage in the same types of activities my classmates took part in, especially in elementary school. That did not work out so well. During jr. high was very rough for me, but I was lucky enough to find a group of oddballs who took me in as one of their own. I guess it was then that I realized I didn't have to try to do what everyone else wanted to do. I mean, I was always myself, but I no longer had to try to work against that.

For a long time, however, I still have had a hard time accepting myself. I guess finding out about AS is sort of helping that, but there are still times, especially when pressure from others increases, that I feel extremely insecure and inadequate. I don't know how to be anything other than myself, either way.

Hi. Welcome to the forum!

You sound like a remarkable kind of person. If you overcame these skills and tried as hard as you could to do so, it must go without saying you're like that. This is yet another time when I feel that I am reminded having AS is a gift. I hope you have lots of fun posting here with us, and a number of us log into this forum throughout the day.

I think there is a larger lesson here, not just limited to those with AS; "to thine own self be true"
Ultimately it should work with the right girl, too.

lol... yeah I don't know about Freud's theories... my mother is not one I would want to love, in that way at least.

Thanks for the welcoming comments, everyone! It's nice to be welcomed accepted every once and a while as a 'one of the club' as opposed to an oddball. Even in my family, I'm looked upon as a 'weird one'...

I hope to make some good friends here!

Wow BlackLiger... Does everyone get along, or are there issues like miscommunication all abound?

Honesty, I have a lot of issues with my mother that don't seem to ever get resolved. For one, I've been led to believe that she was aware of the possibility that I might have AS, and never told me. She took me for an ADD test and told me 'I almost had it'. Then I found out from my aunt that my mum had told her about me maybe having Aspergers.

Funny thing is, she still doesn't understand, or recognise the symptoms of AS. And that really gets me worked up at times, because she has to know how Aspie's differ from NT's, and she seems to think, 'if he doesn't know, it won't hurt him.'

Well, I do know. Sorry if that was a rant... The mercury is coming down now...

I don't try to be someone I'm not. I be only who I am.

I myself have always been more concerned with being invisible than neurotypical; my mother helped me to "fit in" during my youth by keeping up on fashion trends and buying me the most popular and unattractive garments available on our limited budget. Yet I never made any effort myself...I seem to have gotten more introverted throughout elementary school, and it never bothered me that I could barely hold a conversation with a non-relative if I wanted to. Lately, my mother has been praying for me to be less shy--with an interesting result. Now, instead of sitting mutely, staring at the inanimate objects closest to me...I occasionally blurt out my scarcely-moderated opinion, while staring at the inanimate objects closest to me. Ah, well. That works, too.

I am glad to hear that others are comfortable with themselves and not excessively bothered with external perceptions thereof. =^_^=