Friendships - by chance & accident or.....?

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JustFoundHere
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04 Jan 2020, 3:01 pm

Do friendships involving High Functioning Autism (HFA) develop most often through chance and accident?

Let's glean important insights by reading between the lines here.....in this discussion thread regarding just how friendships concerning HFAs develop.

One example, any examples of healthy friendships gleaned over the recent holiday season?

RELATED: Latest post (as of the is writing) in the WP discussion-thread (42 replies) 'Would You Pay for a Social Coach?'
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=115195&p=8422667#p8422667



IsabellaLinton
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04 Jan 2020, 7:58 pm

I'm moderate functioning autism, not HFA. I met someone over the holiday season, by chance, and we are developing a healthy relationship.

How else do people meet, if not by chance?

Edit: Oh, do you mean dating apps? I've never used one.


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JustFoundHere
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05 Jan 2020, 4:36 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm moderate functioning autism, not HFA. I met someone over the holiday season, by chance, and we are developing a healthy relationship.

How else do people meet, if not by chance?

Edit: Oh, do you mean dating apps? I've never used one.


Thank-you so much for your response, and sharing your experience on your acquaintance. Best wishes.

Personally, friendships are my weakness - hence moderate-functioning Autism is a better description here. Yet, HFA is a better description on small-talk with familiar people.

In my original post, I discussed enlisting trusted third-parties (understanding of the Autism Spectrum/HFA) to help "break the ice" so to speak in encouraging friendships e.g., platonic-versions of matchmakers. Hence, developing friendships are not entirely left to chance and accident.

A similar WP discussion thread on 'social coaches' was an active discussion thread; yet the discussion thread on 'platonic versions of matchmakers' received way too little in the way of interest .

I sense that a discussion thread on "social coaches" appears more concrete at first glance on WP than a discussion thread on 'platonic-versions of matchmakers' - that is the novel, out-of-the box approaches are easily passed-by (again, my original post offers further details).



IsabellaLinton
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05 Jan 2020, 4:47 pm

I agree that social coaching would be beneficial for people seeking platonic friendships, or those who have difficulty with the reciprocal aspects of interpersonal communication and non-verbal behaviour. Many people on this site or in other autism-related publications report feeling lonely for companionship and they often say "I had a good friend, but I don't know what went wrong; our relationship imploded".

I don't know that we can necessarily improve our theory of mind or overcome all the challenges which limit our social skill, but counselling and "matchmaking for friends" would be a first step for people who wish to try.


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JustFoundHere
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09 Jan 2020, 1:55 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I agree that social coaching would be beneficial for people seeking platonic friendships, or those who have difficulty with the reciprocal aspects of interpersonal communication and non-verbal behaviour. Many people on this site or in other autism-related publications report feeling lonely for companionship and they often say "I had a good friend, but I don't know what went wrong; our relationship imploded".

I don't know that we can necessarily improve our theory of mind or overcome all the challenges which limit our social skill, but counselling and "matchmaking for friends" would be a first step for people who wish to try.


Thank you for your responses in this thread!

It must now be asked, "why must the progress of this WP discussion-thread (and (very) similar WP discussion threads) be left to.................chance and accident??"



Fnord
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09 Jan 2020, 2:19 pm

Most of my friendships were "by chance" -- we met, found common interests, and developed mutual trust and respect over several years.



JustFoundHere
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09 Jan 2020, 3:08 pm

Fnord wrote:
Most of my friendships were "by chance" -- we met, found common interests, and developed mutual trust and respect over several years.


Many people Autism Spectrum/HFA prefer to enlist a trusted third party e.g., a social-matchmaker.

In short, be veerrry careful friendships which happen truly "by chance!"

The purpose of something like a social matchmaker is necessary precisely because the Autism Spectrum/HFA presents challenges with friendships.



Fnord
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09 Jan 2020, 5:55 pm

I'm 62 years old. I think I know how to manage friendships by now.



JustFoundHere
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10 Jan 2020, 1:21 pm

From the responses in this discussion-thread, (note LINK in the original post), it's time to reassess, and boost those very specific initiatives - which have proven successful in encouraging friendships concerning Autism Spectrum e.g., HFA!

RELATED:WP Thread: Unwritten Rules on Friendships:
viewtopic.php?t=383963



Mona Pereth
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21 Jan 2020, 7:02 pm

The vast majority of my friendships have not been entirely "by chance." Nearly all the friends I've made over the years have been people I met when looking for people who shared specific interests of mine. Of course, there was still an element of chance, insofar as I didn't automatically become friends with everyone I met who shared those interests. However, meeting someone in the context of a specific shared interest does have the advantage of giving you something that you and the other person can both enjoy talking about.


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22 Jan 2020, 1:20 pm

I believe some times it is by chance other times it is something that was meant to be fate per say.


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