Nervous about making some NT girl friends

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Hello all.
My current best friend is male and we've known each other for years. He's kind, reliant, sensitive, smart and funny, but with reactions to my situations lately that begin to tire me.

It's just been hard for me to separate further and further past the point of anxiety and beginning figuring out how to socialize with other girls, even those with Aspergers as well who tend to leave me out during social groups and clique with their friends about gossip, nerdy talk or whatever they want to discuss, unless that's not their thing in which case to find certain social groups I really haven't had the time lately to make it to all of them as I am waiting on possibly a full time job that'll take me further away from going to one, which at this case is no big deal for me if I'm being ruled out by Aspies/other diagnosed females OR possibly neurotypicals for that matter and I'm worried there won't be any worth in pushing myself to find friends that just dismiss me depending.

I also went for one meetup called Low-Key Girls in Oakland (yep, I'm an Oakland, CA transplant from the east coast) and I did make one NT friend but only there....and didn't keep in contact even though I told her I would, which totally hurt myself and probably her but after all that, I'm not only nervous but trying to find ANY best opportunity to find female friends to open up to, NT or as much as diagnosed with the other disorders I have including bipolar and generalized anxiety.

I am sick of being cliqued out and I want to find a meetup and a good environment in which I can make healthy friendships that will stick.
Advice please?

Bookgroups? Library activies? Interesting people there. Volunteering? Church?

We tend to get along well with men and not women. We also tend to get along with children and senior citizens, not b*****s our own age.

Last edited by B19 on 14 Dec 2019, 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.: flaming

[quote="DorkyNerd"]We tend to get along well with men and not women. We also tend to get along with children and senior citizens, not b*****s our own age.

This is just not true for most people. People on the spectrum can have female friends their own age just like they can have male friends their own age.

Men and women are not different species.

Last edited by B19 on 14 Dec 2019, 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.: quote edited

I have talked to a lot of people like us. A lot of them say stuff like "In school, I hated the other girls who were my age cause we had nothing in common. I wanted to talk to the librarian during recess cause she was the best!" and "I worked as a teacher. My co-workers all hated me- but the little munchkins thought I was the coolest, funniest, greatest person ever!"

My sister totally noticed this, by the way. When I was 18 or 19, she'd say "How is it that you have so few friends your own age?! Why are you hanging out with this 27-year-old man who is still somehow working on his Bachelor's degree?!"

I'm thinking many of us here regardless of gender feel the same.

So what? I got my Bachelor’s when I was 45.

What have you got against autistic people?

Nothing. I am one myself, after all.

Your experience is your experience and doesn’t necessarily “prove” anything. Proof involves large scale studies and research.

There’s nothing wrong with someone who doesn’t follow the normal path of: BA by 22, career, married, kids, etc.

Different isn’t less than.

Last edited by B19 on 14 Dec 2019, 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Quote edited

I am telling you, this is a thing.

Autistic women somehow don't have female friends their own age.

Last edited by B19 on 14 Dec 2019, 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.: flaming

One of my best friends is probably autistic like her whole family. She's same age as me and we get along great. She's successful, cheerful, dedicated, and kind.

Autism is not a social death sentence. Not to be rude, but it can seem sometimes that you might be someone putting up a troll account and trying to cause division and defeatism among autistic people. If you are one of us who has simply had a very hellacious existence, we will be there for you if you need us. If you are simply trying to convince us our lives are not worth living, I hope you live yours as far away from me as possible and don't you dare spread that poison among vulnerable people.

My lady friend is not heavily mentally ill. She's absolutely lovely. And I am not upset that she appears to share some autistic traits. In fact, since both she and I are not overly fond of small talk but are both passionate about writing, Christianity, poultry raising, music, and art, we get along wonderfully. I love her very much. Are we dating? Some would call it that but she and I both are convinced college marriages are dumb, so we just keep in touch.

Autism can either isolate you, or it can help you be friends with all the world's truly interesting people. Like a firearm it can either kill you by accident, or you can win a marksmanship competition with it--it's all dependent on what you point it at. There are even nonverbal autistics who, using computer technology for speech, have proven themselves witty, sarcastic, hilarious hosts on moving-picture interviews.

Diversity is real, and we shouldn't be afraid of it.

And OP, don't be afraid of NT girls either! If they are really nice ladies they won't mind that you're a little different, but do take the time to get to know them for who they are too. Ask a lot of questions, let your hair down and relax, and they'll think you're a prince. You can do this! Good luck and I hope you and they have a wonderful time that leads to a good wholesome friendship.

Of course I am real. Of course I am not trying to start drama.

Why would you even think that?!

I only put that down because I do not know you personally, nor do you know I. This is an anonymous forum and like all Internet fora it is prone to being trolled. I am hoping you are not fooling with us, but there is a real chance because of the things you have written.

The majority of your posts take a generalizing approach to telling autistics how awful their life is absolutely going to be. That is unhelpful and it put me to thinking you might be trolling us...nothing personal, just a possibility on the Internet.

Two different world views, I suppose. There's a website called The Aspergian that is actually wonderful for #actuallyautistic information and you might find it inspirational, uplifting, salty and great. There's advocacy, support for neurodiversity (and all other kinds of diversity) and even a pretty good bit of humor.

What is your definition of "a real chance"?

Last edited by B19 on 14 Dec 2019, 2:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.: flaming

DorkyNerd makes generalizations about autism.

What she writes is demonstrably not true.

There happen to be many people here who are married and have kids.

Autism is not a death sentence. Autism is not leprosy.

Yeah, it isn't!