Slurs

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I'm having trouble knowing how to respond to the homophobic slurs and the r-word which I keep hearing.

On the one hand, I feel wrong saying nothing. But, I feel like people may only listen to my opinion if they have respect for me and my opinion, and if they have "negative respect" for me and my opinion, it may be counterproductive to express it. And I don't think it would be alright to get someone in trouble here given what that could entail.

I would feel gross and fake, hypocritical trying to say something high minded about bigotry or kindness. But I've tried saying "shut up" and that didn't seem particularly effective. I guess I need to say something more factual. "That language is unnecessary."

Yet, it's hard to tell when people are joking, and whether the joke is acceptable. I suppose in that case they should be able to explain. And some people say "Dude!" or just making a face might work.

It's not good for my blood pressure...

If it's a stranger (or acquaintance I don't like), I tend to just not bother. It's sad but arguing is rarely worth the effort and in worst-case dangerous. When it's people I know a little better but not particularly well, I tend to go for a 'safer' argument like just 'dude' or calling them unimaginative. With proper friends and family, however, I will attempt a genuine conversation on how those words are hurtful and I think I've made a fair point a few times; for a few people pointing out that I have actually been targeted with these words in a very malicious way seems to help. Though one such conversation did kind of lead to me accidentally coming out.