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Selective shyness?

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Joe90
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30 Oct 2019, 3:30 pm

At a charity shop where I used to do volunteer work, I suffered a lot of social anxiety when I was made to go on the till, because I was often on my own and had to deal with the public, which I found distressing. I would clam up and have mini panic attacks if there were too many people in the shop at once, but had to mentally work hard to keep masking my social anxiety.

But I loved working upstairs because it meant I was out of the way of the public and I enjoyed sorting through the donations. But the thing I loved most about working upstairs was working in a group of other volunteers and chatting for hours as we worked together. It was fun and I didn't need to mask at all.

So being on the till caused me great social anxiety while being upstairs working with people didn't cause any social anxiety. Do you think this is a case of selective shyness/selective social anxiety? I wouldn't say selective mutism because I didn't go mute when on the till, I just found it daunting and socially exhausting. But chatting in a group of co-volunteers caused me no anxiety - plus there were different volunteers in on different days but I still wasn't shy or socially anxious.

Does anyone else experience this?


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Mona Pereth
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01 Nov 2019, 9:52 am

Yes, I too am shy in some situations but not others. I tend to be shy in new and unfamiliar social situations.


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MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2019, 11:58 am

Joe90 wrote:
Do you think this is a case of selective shyness/selective social anxiety? I wouldn't say selective mutism because I didn't go mute when on the till, I just found it daunting and socially exhausting. But chatting in a group of co-volunteers caused me no anxiety - plus there were different volunteers in on different days but I still wasn't shy or socially anxious.


Honestly, I don't think that can be called "selective". When there's people around, you get anxious. When there are few to no people around, you aren't anxious. That's plain social anxiety if anything. Now, if you were telling "I get anxious next to fat people only", that would be selective. Or that's how it would make sense to me.

You say you aren't anxious when you're upstairs and maybe, that's why you call it "selective". That has nothing to do with the issue, though. You're less anxious upstairs because, as you said yourself, there are always less people over there.

So, if my word is worth anything in that regard as a layman, my answer is no. That's not selective social anxiety. It's textbook anxiety. But that's my take as a non-expert. I don't believe there's such thing, tbh. Selective mutism is a real condition that relates to anxiety. As to SSA, first time I ever heard of that.

Now, if you were asking: "is this social anxiety", I would say probably.

Joe90 wrote:
Does anyone else experience this?


Yes, and it's been getting worse as I'm aging.



Mountain Goat
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01 Nov 2019, 12:31 pm

Joe90 wrote:
At a charity shop where I used to do volunteer work, I suffered a lot of social anxiety when I was made to go on the till, because I was often on my own and had to deal with the public, which I found distressing. I would clam up and have mini panic attacks if there were too many people in the shop at once, but had to mentally work hard to keep masking my social anxiety.

But I loved working upstairs because it meant I was out of the way of the public and I enjoyed sorting through the donations. But the thing I loved most about working upstairs was working in a group of other volunteers and chatting for hours as we worked together. It was fun and I didn't need to mask at all.

So being on the till caused me great social anxiety while being upstairs working with people didn't cause any social anxiety. Do you think this is a case of selective shyness/selective social anxiety? I wouldn't say selective mutism because I didn't go mute when on the till, I just found it daunting and socially exhausting. But chatting in a group of co-volunteers caused me no anxiety - plus there were different volunteers in on different days but I still wasn't shy or socially anxious.

Does anyone else experience this?


This makes total sense as it was where I preferred to work... But... These days even that is too much for me since I hit burnout. But I can relate to it.


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Joe90
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01 Nov 2019, 12:33 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Do you think this is a case of selective shyness/selective social anxiety? I wouldn't say selective mutism because I didn't go mute when on the till, I just found it daunting and socially exhausting. But chatting in a group of co-volunteers caused me no anxiety - plus there were different volunteers in on different days but I still wasn't shy or socially anxious.


Honestly, I don't think that can be called "selective". When there's people around, you get anxious. When there are few to no people around, you aren't anxious. That's plain social anxiety if anything. Now, if you were telling "I get anxious next to fat people only", that would be selective. Or that's how it would make sense to me.

You say you aren't anxious when you're upstairs and maybe, that's why you call it "selective". That has nothing to do with the issue, though. You're less anxious upstairs because, as you said yourself, there are always less people over there.

So, if my word is worth anything in that regard as a layman, my answer is no. That's not selective social anxiety. It's textbook anxiety. But that's my take as a non-expert. I don't believe there's such thing, tbh. Selective mutism is a real condition that relates to anxiety. As to SSA, first time I ever heard of that.

Now, if you were asking: "is this social anxiety", I would say probably.

Joe90 wrote:
Does anyone else experience this?


Yes, and it's been getting worse as I'm aging.


It's not so much the number of people that changes my level of anxiety, it's the fact that dealing with the public made me clam up, while being upstairs with other volunteers was something I loved. There could be 7 customers downstairs in the store and I'd feel afraid, but if I was working with 8 volunteers upstairs I felt fine.


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Mountain Goat
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01 Nov 2019, 12:39 pm

I can also relate to it getting worse as I get older... Well... Cracks in the masking etc... It was successive burnouts which hit me the most.


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MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2019, 2:37 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
I can also relate to it getting worse as I get older... Well... Cracks in the masking etc... It was successive burnouts which hit me the most.


Most probably the same problem as me. Cracks in the masking sounds a lot closer to what I've been through. It's as if I grew tired of all the "involuntary acting".



SportsGamer35728
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01 Jan 2020, 8:49 pm

I can definitely relate to this! I'm shy around total strangers but am totally comfortable talking to famous people I already know a fair enough about. I'm also not very sociable around my family, although I believe that's a result of a combination of spending enough time around them I can't really be bothered anymore and being overwhelmed by how loud, sarcastic, and obnoxious they can be :P