We are growing apart and it does not bother me anymore

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In a recent post, I talked about a close friend of mine, who is also on the spectrum, moved to another part of my city and has gotten involved in a church and meeting lots of new friends. Meanwhile, he has been drifting apart from my other friends and me. For example, he has been
1. Ghosting us when we text him and even when it is his birthday
2. He never calls us anymore to see how we are doing
3. My friends and I have been the ones who have been doing all the reaching out while he doesn't do anything
4. The last couple of times we have gotten together with him is when it's convenient
5. He bailed on another friend with excuses.

Though it used to bother me that he stopped caring about my friends and me, it doesn't really bother me anymore. I think it's because I had a chance to think about the way he as treated me in the past though he has nice qualities
1. He has had a history sexually harassing me
2. He has been flaky before on many occasions
3. He has a selfish side
4. He has been controlling of me before to.

So I am not heart broken that he has is leaving me behind anymore. Has anyone else experienced this when letting a person go who is no longer interested?

I have a co-worker friend with Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm in the same boat. He negative split last year when he was under a lot of stress, and then got deployed to South America for 6 months. Ever since he came back I've just found his behavior to be manipulative and a little much. I've been more vocal about my unwillingness to be caught up in his high drama, and he has slowly distanced himself from our social circle and is moving on. I feel like I should care because we've known each other for over a decade, but I honestly don't have the time or energy to deal with his antics.

I don’t think my former friend had BPD but he used another friend. I do think he used us when he did not have anyone to else to do things with.

1.In the sexual harassment, it is clear he just wanted to use me for sex, which I said “No.”. A couple times, he responded to me in a disrespectful tone. “Get your fat $&@ back in my car”.

2. At times I could not be myself around him. He would either make fun of me or criticize me. “Hey what the hell are you doing?” Others her would giving this look like he was saying “Really?” Then he would boss me around as if I were a little kid.

Anyway, I have not told him that we have been drifting apart, rather I have left it alone. I figured that he never calls or texts me anymore, I do and 75% of the time, he ghosts me or says a few things. If he does try and contact me, I should tell them that I feel we are not compatible anymore and both parties should meet other people.

Any thoughts?

Yes, it's your own fault because you held onto a sh!tty friend like him for that long. I have no sympathy, especially as you had other friends.

Yes, on two different occasions two of my best friends who'd I'd been friends with for ten years; our friendships just stopped and in both cases for no specific reason. I was not only best friends with them, at different times I was a roommate with them as well. In both respective cases I hung out with each of them and parted ways with nothing out of the ordinary and maybe a "call me". We each waited for the other to call, I suppose and as time passed, it got to a stage where it was weird that we hadn't called each other. Then it got past the point of being weird to being wrong. In both cases I never spoke with nor saw either friend and haven't to this day over twenty years later.

@Smudge, I honestly can say I feel sorry you. I can't imagine who has treated you so poorly to make you feel you have to lash out and take your frustrations out on me so I forgive you for being dismissive. Maybe you need to learn to journal more and get your feelings down. On the contrary, I realize making friends is a struggle for people on the spectrum but I can't walk on eggshells around you. In fact, I am not going to stop having those friends for one person who is unhappy way across the pond.


First of all, he's not perfect and you are right, I certainly am not either. However, he and I had a brother and sister type of relationship but there were times where I was hesitant in cutting him off after I felt uncomfortable. The problem is that he has good qualities and a sense of humor that I admire. One I get attached to someone, I get attached whether the relationship is good or bad. If you met him, you would find him likable too.

As far as me having friends goes, I met most of them through an autism support group and when a few of us were clients at an autism center.


@Magna, my situation he and I were friends for over nearly 16 years and his parents actually were hoping he and I would do more than be friends but neither of us had romantic feelings. I also realize that I don't have anything in common with this former friend. Other than both being on the spectrum, most of our interests are different and I think that is the issue.

I don't understand what's "weird" or "wrong" about contacting an old friend out of the blue -- especially among autistic people, who are likely to drop contact with friends now and then for reasons that aren't personal at all, just social burnout and/or not enough "spoons."

Also I'm not a believer in rigid turn-taking. If I really want to get in touch with someone, I don't wait indefinitely for them to return my calls. I see nothing wrong with a friendship in which one person does most of the reaching out to the other one, as long as the friendship isn't one-sided in too many other ways as well. And I don't expect other people to wait indefinitely for me to return their calls either. I really appreciate a friend who persists in reaching out to me when I don't have the energy to do likewise.

In Summer_Twilight's case, I suspect that her old friend is just too busy getting to know new acquaintances at his new church, and it's just not convenient for him to stay in more than occasional contact with his old friends. Also as SummerTwilight mentioned just now, they have different interests.

I've had people ditch me for what I assume is either convenience or distancing on their parts. it can feel dismissive and be an irrittant, but I try to move forward.

He started doing this nearly 3 years ago when he met one of his girlfriend's and I was upset back then. As I said, he seemed to come down and have fun with us when he did visit on a few occasions. However, I don't feel upset anymore because I feel like I have been drifting apart from him too with me getting involved in other people and things. So it doesn't really sting anymore but it does when he treats my other friends so poorly as he did to another close friend of mine a few weeks ago.

Now regarding cutting off a relationship sooner, I tend to ride them out until they fade from my life. In other words, I believe there is a season for everything and it could be that my season with this friend is done. There could have been a time where we needed each other but now that we don't, the door is closing and I am okay with that.

I should also mention that after he got involved with this church and met those new friends, he has not seemed to ask me for sex or condescend on me. Rather, my other friends notice that he tends to seem awkward around us which I have never picked up. However, I have noticed that he often has shown us pictures of his new friends and talks about all the fun he has with them but never bothers to invite or offer to introduce us. He also has seemed to kind of turn his nose up at things that I had tried to introduce him to.