Would you pay for a social coach?

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Has anyone ever heard of a social coach--someone who will work with you one-on-one to identify areas where you can improve your social skills, teach you tips and tricks to improve those skills, help you practice those skills, and accompany you to social events to help you meet people and break the ice? Has anyone had good/bad experiences with them? Is that the sort of thing you think you would pay for? I'm curious to find out what others experiences has been, or if others would be interested in this if it was available. I recently heard of this and so I'm trying to find out more.

I hadn't heard of that. I plan to take advantage of some interpersonal skills classes that are available, small group things, but I can see where having someone with you in the larger world would really help.

I'm dismayed and often angry someone didn't teach me this in the first place, such as family or friends, though.

When I was a kid and things were really bad for me, my mom promised to find someone to teach me social skills, but never did. She's since told me that she looked, but just couldn't find anything that she thought might help me.

IMHO Aspergians pick up most common social skills a bit more slowly than the neurotypical, but they do learn them over time without anything so drastic and silly as a 'Social Skills Coach". That level of socializing you can learn from reading novels and watching television and it doesn't cost you anything.

Other things, like picking up on body language cues and empathizing what other people might be thinking or feeling without being directly told - we miss those things because of an organic neurological deficiency and no amount of 'coaching' is going to give you an ability you were born lacking the appropriate neurons for.

For example, my last job involved dealing with a lot of walk-in customers. I don't have much trouble with customers in general, it's somewhat stressful, but as long as the pressure's pretty lax, I can handle it fine. But the owners of this shop expected a high-pressure hardsell - grab 'em as they walk in the door and don't let up until they spend some cash. That I cannot do. In fact, that kind of pressure to think and socialize on my feet leaves me unable to talk at all, which only made things worse. I would find myself forced to step up to strangers as they came in the door, try to maintain some sort of eye contact, which of course made them expect that I was about to speak to them, only...I couldn't. And with my bosses standing a few feet behind me waiting for me to make like a used car salesman. I knew what I was expected to do, but no amount of training would have made it any more possible for me to have done it.

Personally, I think anyone who took your money claiming they could 'coach you' into overcoming autistic issues like that would simply be taking advantage of your naivete to rip you off.

I'd be willing to go to a free consultation or class with a "social coach" but without knowing anything more about the program or the coach I wouldn't be able to make a desicion in either direction. So I say it's probably worth looking into, provided the "coach" knows something about the specific problems that people with AS face and you're not risking any money upfront.

Simply not true. Complete fallacy in fact, a damaging one for any impressionable types reading. There's a system of body language, it's pretty simple and we can learn it. Reading a book on body language, one with a bibliography and scientific references will teach you things you'd be surprised about I guarentee it. How you would suddenly forget what you've read because you're autistic I don't know? We may have a nearological difference but we still have a memory and a visual cortex don't we?

Same with picking up social skills from reading novels and watching tv/films, not true. On tv and films all the social situations you see is heavily exagerated and not true to life they also often miss out large protions of activty due to time restraints. Same with novels but you can't even see what people are doing in novels so it's much worse.

Just because you can't do the hard sell (neither can I, it's a form of lying isn't it?) doesn't mean you can't learn a few simple things that will make interaction with other humans a little easier, it may not be as natural as a socially extroverted NT but it will be better than it was before you learned it guarenteed. The thing is you have to want to and I'm thinking you probably don't want to.

This perceived lack of empathy with ASD's has caused a lot of confusion, I think. If you do some looking, you will see they have done more research and have gathered data which supports a different view. A lack of empathy is more typically seen in sociopaths and psychopaths, however, which may also share some of the social challenges seen in ASD's.

I would be open to the idea. However, I'd be wary of the methodology the coach uses. Would he/she explain the logic behind different types of social interaction, or would he/she use the NT cliche "just go out and meet new people". Once that question is answered, I'll decide whether or not to go through with the coaching.

QFT


I don't think that saying "just go out and meet new people" could possibly be considered "coaching." The "coaching" part would be in teaching somebody how to do that.


The problem there is in the difference between not knowing and not caring. Sociopaths tend to know exactly how people feel, and not care, or use it to manipulate them. Somebody with an ASD is less likely to be able to figure out what somebody is feeling unless they're crying hysterically or something like that. The definitions are mixed up.. The word "empathy" tends to be used in a similar way as the word "compassion."

I think you should start your own forum called "Argument for the Sake of Arguing" because that's all it seems to amount to much of the time.

No, because getting a social coach would mean socializing with the coach.

If a social coach could guarantee their work, I would be willing to pay.

I have read countless books on how to relate to people and fit into society. I have gone to classes, paid for videos, took acting lessons, toastmasters, etc...

AND I STILL DON"T GET IT!!

I am great for the first few minutes in a social setting.. but then it stalls out. I can give a 30 min presentation in front of 100s of people, but cannot carry on a conversation for more than 10 min. without feeling awkward.

My past experiences have taught me.. my mind just works differently and I have not figured out 'common ground' between myself and others.

If I pretend to be a character, I can carry on a conversation longer. Because I think of it as "how would this person I am playing act or what would they say", but that rarely last more than an hour or two before I bomb.

I fear if If I had a social coach, all they could do is to train me to react to them in a scripted environment.

I have mild AS, and didn't need a coach. I learned most stuff on my own.

Nice idea, and I'd find it worthwhile, but I doubt I could afford enough "lessons" to gain much of a benefit.

No. That's the last thing I would want. They would just drive me crazy.
I'd have to like spend too much time with them and with all the time I'd spend with them we'd be going over how I suck at social skills.
I can learn them on my own. Plus, I am not as socially dyslexic to need someone like that.
And honestly, I think most would be better off without one if they didn't like one-on-one socializing.

No. I had to spend my entire childhood with supposed "helpers" breathing down my neck and telling me every move I made was wrong.