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QFT
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24 Feb 2020, 5:56 pm

So on the university campus sometimes I go to coffee shops to buy various snacks. Usually I talk to other cashiers. I mean the one coffee shop that I frequent the most has three female cashiers and thats it. But then there is another coffee shop where I go a lot less often, and it has both female and male cashiers. Both types of cashiers in that other coffee shop are fine, except for one Mexican guy of a very large build. I don't even know if he is Mexican or not, I mean his accent doesn't sound like a Spanish accent. But I do "think" he has "some" accent -- I am no sure which one -- but then again, maybe he doesn't have any accent at all, maybe he is just weird and I don't know whether his weirdness includes accent or not, I just know he is weird. I mean he doesn't usually talk that much to me -- except for the recent conversation that I am about to describe below -- yet he somehow manages to creep me out.

One thing that he does is that when he says hi to me, he says "Hi (some word)" and I don't know what that word is. It sounds like MAMAM. Does that word have anything to do with either "mama" or "madam" -- as in, to insinuate that I am a woman? Does he think I am gay and try to passive-aggressively insinuate it by "ignorantly" using that word? Or is that word from some other language that has totally different meaning that I am not aware of? In any case, he did that few different times, but I never called him out on it, or asked what it means.

In any case, a week ago, he had the following conversation with me:

HIM: Hi mamam (or whatever that word he is using)

ME: Hi

HIM: Monday?

(So I am thinking he is asking me to make sure he didn't confuse the days of the week; I knew he looked ret*d but I didn't know he looked THAT ret*d; besides, if he doesn't know what day of the week it is, how does he know when its the weekend -- especially since his weekend was PROBABLY yesterday -- unless he is one of the few people that work on sunday; but oh well, I didn't say any of those things)

ME: Yes

HIM: Monday

(Okay, so when he asked about Monday the first time it was bad enough, but now he asks it again; but okay, lets not make unnecessary mean comments)

ME: Yes

HIM: Tired?

(Well, I "happened" to be tired since I work on my homework throughout hte night -- but being tired has nothing to do with Monday; if anything, I would be more likely to be tired on Friday seeing -- except that I happened to be tired every day since I have way too much work. I don't know how he would tell that I am tired if I am STANDING. Yes, I often fall asleep in class -- but thats because in class I am SITTING. But here I was STANDING so I don't get how on earth he would be able to tell. And no, he won't be able to tell by talking to people in my math classes either, because that specific caffeteria was in the Student Union, NOT math department. Perhaps he just saw that I wasn't smiling -- well, the fact that I don't smile is part of Asperger, I don't have that habbit, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I am tried. So there are two completely separate things going on: on the one hand I stay up all night quite often -- not just before Monday -- and so I fall asleep in classes or anywhere else I am SITTING for that matter. But that is totally irrelevant, since I was STANDING. And then, on the other hand, I have no habbit of smiling -- and lack of habbit of smiling has NOTHING to do with being tired. Even in those rare days when I am all refreshed I don't smile either. But once again I didn't say any of this to him)

ME: Yes

HIM: Tired

(Okay, thats creepy, so he has to REPEAT that I am tired yet AGAIN? Is he trying to embarass me or something?)

ME: Yes

HIM: So you are going to go home and get to bed

(Maybe HE is going to get to bed. Who knows whether he is drunk or waht, his movements are a bit slow. But I am sure as heck am NOT going to go to bed. I have better things to do than go to bed in the middle of the day. Thats why I am tired on the first place -- I AM A BUSY GRADUATE STUDENT -- unlike him, I suppose; but anyway, I didn't have guts to say that either)

Me: I guess

(like I said I weren't going to bed, I only said I guess to get him off my back. I should have said no, since quite frankly I am offended at his assumptions but oh well).

That was the end of conversation. He probably wanted to keep talking but I just paid, took back the cash, and left.

Anyway, how do you interpret that guys behavior?



Fireblossom
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25 Feb 2020, 7:34 am

I think there are three options here:

1: He's on some drugs
2: English is not his first language and that causes serious communication issues for him (but this one's unlikely since he has managed to get that job.)
3: He's mentally challenged rather badly.

If it's option number 1 then keeping any interraction with him to minimum in the future is for the best. If 2 or 3, try to not let it bother you too much. You won't be in any danger and it'll be just a short interraction anyway. As for how to find out which it is, you could mention to someone else working there that you have a little trouble understanding what he's saying. If he's not a native English speaker or is somehow mentally challenged, his coworkers are likely to explain it.



Karamazov
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25 Feb 2020, 7:44 am

Hmmm... I suspect that “mamam” is a mispronunciation of “my man”. Not an uncommon way of addressing someone.
The thing about ‘Monday’ and ‘Tired’: there’s a cultural thing in the UK, so possibly also the US of Monday being the most tiring and least enjoyable day of the week. So he’s probably trying to have a light bit of conversation whilst serving you on a common uncontroversial theme, just to pass the time in a friendly way.
Otherwise as fireblossom says.



Fireblossom
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25 Feb 2020, 9:31 am

^ That's common here too now that I think about it. The "my man" didn't occur to me, but maybe he says it as "mah man." Don't some people speak like that? As in some specific accent, down South in the US I think?



Karamazov
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25 Feb 2020, 9:46 am

^ yeah, “southern drawl” they call it!
Which might explain the repetition: he may have assumed QFT couldn’t understand his accent.



QFT
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25 Feb 2020, 10:03 am

Karamazov wrote:
The thing about ‘Monday’ and ‘Tired’: there’s a cultural thing in the UK


How can you be tired for "cultural" reasons? The way I see it is you are either tired or you aren't. Am I missing something?



Karamazov
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25 Feb 2020, 10:17 am

Ah, no... there’s an idea common in English speaking cultures that going back to work/school after the weekend on a Monday is a tiring, unpleasant thing to do and no-one likes it.
Hence it isn’t uncommon to have a random stranger at a bus stop or in a cafe say “Mondays, huh.” or something similar.
Its referencing a shared idea to start a bit of small talk and be friendly.



Fireblossom
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25 Feb 2020, 10:20 am

QFT wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
The thing about ‘Monday’ and ‘Tired’: there’s a cultural thing in the UK


How can you be tired for "cultural" reasons? The way I see it is you are either tired or you aren't. Am I missing something?


Yep, you are. It's not that Monday automatically makes people tired, it's that in many cultures it's generally seen as the most dislikeable day as it's the start of the work/school week for most. In other words, they aren't tired because it's Monday, they're tired of Monday 'cause that means they have to work again.



QFT
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25 Feb 2020, 10:25 am

Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
The thing about ‘Monday’ and ‘Tired’: there’s a cultural thing in the UK


How can you be tired for "cultural" reasons? The way I see it is you are either tired or you aren't. Am I missing something?


Yep, you are. It's not that Monday automatically makes people tired, it's that in many cultures it's generally seen as the most dislikeable day as it's the start of the work/school week for most. In other words, they aren't tired because it's Monday, they're tired of Monday 'cause that means they have to work again.


I realize that part. I guess I see it different: I get tired after work not before, so I would be a lot likely to be tired on Friday.

I guess on Monday I can feel lazy as in I am too addicted to not working so why break that addiction. But then its not tired is it.

I guess I would personally have more respect to people that are tired on Friday than the ones tired on Monday. If someone is tired on Friday it means they work hard. If they are tired on Monday it means they are lazy.

Since that guy looks lazy to me anyway, it feels like he is just projecting himself on everyone else.



Fireblossom
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25 Feb 2020, 10:35 am

QFT wrote:
I guess on Monday I can feel lazy as in I am too addicted to not working so why break that addiction. But then its not tired is it.

I guess I would personally have more respect to people that are tired on Friday than the ones tired on Monday. If someone is tired on Friday it means they work hard. If they are tired on Monday it means they are lazy.


The first sentence I quoted is exactly the point. It's not that the person is tired as in "I wanna go to bed" -tired; they're tired of having to work. It's like when you listen to a very good song on repeat, then suddenly don't want to listen to that one anymore because you "grew tired of it."

If you take the word "tired" too literally then yes, but most people seem to use the word in the sense that they're tired of working because they don't like what they do. These are people who wouldn't be complaining about having to go to work had they managed to get a job they actually like, but that's rare.



Karamazov
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25 Feb 2020, 10:43 am

Ah, it’s because it’s tiring to know you have another five days of work to get through before you can relax again.

(Remember most people are working jobs they don’t like doing to pay bills, rent and so forth: the weekend is the only time they feel free to be themselves, or get to spend time in the day with their lovers and/or children: NTs live for that)

Thus:
”I don’t like Mondays, I just want to shoot the whole day down”
(That’s from a pop song that was a hit in the UK in the 80s)

It’s got nothing to do with real physical tiredness, or laziness for that matter.
NTs being imprecise and indirect with language again.

He was just assuming you were a knowing participant in the big shared half-joke half-grumble, and trying to be friendly.