Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

Are forums and chat sites bad places for making friends?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

HacKING
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2019
Age: 5
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: port 3128

12 Feb 2020, 6:31 pm

I'm sure some of you have made good friends on wrongplanet and my general experience with people here beyond comments on my posts is fairly minimal, so I am not speaking about this site because maybe it's different.

However. I've found internet forums and chatrooms and comment sections and so on very very poor places to make friends. One of the main reasons is people do not tend to be straightforward online. Sometimes it's a false identity entirely. It definitely doesn't help that I'm predisposed to distrust already and that makes it even worse. Even those that are truthful about who they are pretend to have an entirely different personality, are manipulative, sick individuals.... but on first impression you'd never know.

And then there's the trolling and cyberbullying. These people aren't really as fringe as they seem, in fact they're everywhere in real life. It's just the anonymity allows them to be the sick person they are inside. It makes me wonder how many people I see on a daily basis are thinking this way secretly. It makes me feel paranoid, what if the person who smiles and nods at me in the halls of my school acts like a heartless sociopath online because they actually are that way inside? It messes me up.

And for these reasons I think that forums and the internet are poor places to make friends if not for difficulty judging character at the very least.

Is wrongplanet any better? Are the people here any less deceptive? Any less fake? Can you honestly say you act how you do here in reality? And do you think forums are good for friends? Comment below.



renaeden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,375
Location: Western Australia

12 Feb 2020, 11:44 pm

I've always been pretty honest on here. I don't see the point of making things up.

I'm also honest on another board.

But anyway, I met my husband on here. Things didn't work out quite right in rl though but we still live together and are the best of friends.

We were both honest from the start.



firemonkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,691
Location: Calne,England

13 Feb 2020, 8:17 am

WYRIHIA with me . I'm not skilled enough to construct a false persona and run with it .



Borromeo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,440

13 Feb 2020, 9:24 am

HacKING wrote:
However. I've found internet forums and chatrooms and comment sections and so on very very poor places to make friends. One of the main reasons is people do not tend to be straightforward online. Sometimes it's a false identity entirely. It definitely doesn't help that I'm predisposed to distrust already and that makes it even worse. Even those that are truthful about who they are pretend to have an entirely different personality, are manipulative, sick individuals.... but on first impression you'd never know.

And then there's the trolling and cyberbullying. These people aren't really as fringe as they seem, in fact they're everywhere in real life. It's just the anonymity allows them to be the sick person they are inside. It makes me wonder how many people I see on a daily basis are thinking this way secretly. It makes me feel paranoid, what if the person who smiles and nods at me in the halls of my school acts like a heartless sociopath online because they actually are that way inside? It messes me up.


Is wrongplanet any better? Are the people here any less deceptive? Any less fake? Can you honestly say you act how you do here in reality? And do you think forums are good for friends? Comment below.


I think you are really saying something straightforward and wise here, and I agree with you entirely on the trolls & cyberbullies. The "fringe" only comes about from the neckbeard stereotype. Anyone who thinks himself immune to retaliations is going to do that. People used to pick on me a bunch in real life--I couldn't walk to work without problems--becuase they're a bunch of "new money" in town & think they s**t roses or something. Small-town rich people are kind of cancer.

No, you're right. I do not know if W.P. is the right place to make friends, but I know I like it because of people like you who can talk straight.

Keep on hacking! :)


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 134 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


HacKING
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2019
Age: 5
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: port 3128

13 Feb 2020, 3:04 pm

Borromeo wrote:
HacKING wrote:
However. I've found internet forums and chatrooms and comment sections and so on very very poor places to make friends. One of the main reasons is people do not tend to be straightforward online. Sometimes it's a false identity entirely. It definitely doesn't help that I'm predisposed to distrust already and that makes it even worse. Even those that are truthful about who they are pretend to have an entirely different personality, are manipulative, sick individuals.... but on first impression you'd never know.

And then there's the trolling and cyberbullying. These people aren't really as fringe as they seem, in fact they're everywhere in real life. It's just the anonymity allows them to be the sick person they are inside. It makes me wonder how many people I see on a daily basis are thinking this way secretly. It makes me feel paranoid, what if the person who smiles and nods at me in the halls of my school acts like a heartless sociopath online because they actually are that way inside? It messes me up.


Is wrongplanet any better? Are the people here any less deceptive? Any less fake? Can you honestly say you act how you do here in reality? And do you think forums are good for friends? Comment below.


I think you are really saying something straightforward and wise here, and I agree with you entirely on the trolls & cyberbullies. The "fringe" only comes about from the neckbeard stereotype. Anyone who thinks himself immune to retaliations is going to do that. People used to pick on me a bunch in real life--I couldn't walk to work without problems--becuase they're a bunch of "new money" in town & think they s**t roses or something. Small-town rich people are kind of cancer.

No, you're right. I do not know if W.P. is the right place to make friends, but I know I like it because of people like you who can talk straight.

Keep on hacking! :)


Yeah I'd know about it. I lived in a village of rich people.... actually it was more half and half that were as*holes. Small towns in general are full of narrow minded people from my experience.

I know this is kind of a hard way of going about life, but because I'm so aware that deception occurs I tend to take a more militant and black/white approach in my dealings with others. First off I avoid others when I can, I try to let my interests substitute my social needs. I try to avoid getting into dealings with others. Overall I'm just very careful.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,462
Location: New York City (Queens)

14 Feb 2020, 12:14 am

HacKING wrote:
I know this is kind of a hard way of going about life, but because I'm so aware that deception occurs I tend to take a more militant and black/white approach in my dealings with others. First off I avoid others when I can, I try to let my interests substitute my social needs. I try to avoid getting into dealings with others. Overall I'm just very careful.

A "militant and black/white approach" pretty much guarantees you'll never make friends. IMO what we need are friendly ways to interact with others while at the same time protecting ourselves. IMO the only reasonable way to make friends is to interact around common interests, and to do so over a long period of time before one regards that person as a friend.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.