Cashier was apologizing for talking to me

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That is quite frustrating that the cashier had to *apologize* for trying to talk to me. It seems to imply that I don't want to talk. But, as you all know from my posts, I desperately *do* want to talk. So its really frustrating when I obsess all day desperately wanting people to talk to me -- yet people assume just the opposite. Here is the conversation I had with cahsier:

Cashier: How have you been
Me: I been okay how have you been
Cashier: Okay, how have you been
Me: I been okay how have you been

(yes, we indeed repeated it twice; I don't know why she had to ask me how have you been the second time -- since I already answered -- but she did; and its not because she didn't hear me, I mean people are telling me my voice is too loud rather than too soft)

Cashier: been okay
Me: I am sorry I am not good at recognizing people, do you know me from somewhere
Cashier: I have seen you around campus
Me: Okay
Cashier: I am sorry I just like talking to people
Me: Do I come across like I don't want to talk?
Cashier: I am sorry
Me: I don't want to come across like I don't want to talk, because I do want to talk
Cashier: I am sorry

(after a minute pause)

Cashier: It is a little snow outside
Me: yeah

Well that was the end of our conversation

You overdid it----again.

She seemed like she wanted to talk to you. She might be an old-fashioned type of woman who wants to appear submissive. Many times in my experience, women apologize like that so as not to seem like they are "forward."

Well, she is young, so she might not be old fashioned in a sense you are thinking of.

There are young people who are old-fashioned. They are influenced by old-fashioned mores.

I feel like this woman was demurring because she felt like she was going too "forward" with you.

And the irony of it all is that I *want* women to be forward. I don't want to initiate the conversation, I want the woman to initiate it for me. And even today when the woman said hi to me in class it wasn't enough since she didn't call me by name so I wasn't completely positive I was the one spoken to so I ended up not responding. So basically I want women to be really forward, the more forward the better. And its frustrating if they are assuming the opposite.

Here, and present. On behalf of the Young Fogies' Coalition, it's me.

But I don't think this is the case--the cashier might have seen something in your face that made you look a bit confused and being a nice person didn't want to distress you because she knew sometimes people just aren't in a chatty mood.

(In the true old-fashioned sense, this submissiveness has gone altogether too far. It's frankly disgusting. My "best girl" is anything but that; I believe I'd turn and run away if she were one of these crawling, fawning animals raised by American Protestantism and local talk shows. It wasn't considered proper even years ago; in 1950 Emily Post's Etiquette even directed that in courtship it is quite proper for the ladies to do a bit of chasing as well as the gents. And I'm glad some do; otherwise I'd have no one to talk to.)

The reality is:

Women tend not to want to seem like they're "forward." They want the man to be more "forward" than they are, usually.

If she’s tried to initiate small talk twice I’d take that as meaning she is interesting in passing acquaintance with you, if nothing more.
Maybe try out a greeting next time you see her, if the conversing gets to a speedy dead end of confusion you’ve always got the option of explaining your situation to her... Which could be the end of it, or become a friendship forging conversation in its own right.

All the women in my life have been more "forward" then I am--otherwise there probably would have been no start to the relationship.

Of course, there are exceptions.....

But, in my experience, I was the one who had to be overtly "forward." And very many women in my experience have apologized for being "forward" and assertive.

Usually, a woman who is interested tends to drop subtle "hints."

^ like inviting you round to their house twice a week for six months and then asking questions about what’s up when you’re still in the dark as to her intentions

If the cashier has a name tag, then I alway address them by name at least once in the conversation.

In the conversation:
Cashier: How have you been
Me: I been okay how have you been
Cashier: Okay, how have you been
Me: I been okay how have you been

It somewhat depends on the emphasis she placed the second time around on the word "How".
It can mean "How have you been" where the cashier is concerned about your health and welfare and is not specifically asking for just a routine greeting but rather an actual concern for your welfare.
It could mean the cashier is nervous and is fumbling with the conversation. Perhaps she even had a crush on you?

She mentioned that she recognized you from around campus. A cashier's life can be fairly boring and when she said that she likes to talk, she is letting you know that it is O.K. for you to talk to her. She wants to learn more about you.

I don't think she was concerned about my health or welfare. I mean I didn't give her any reason to be, and she doesn't even know me. Also it didn't sound that way either -- well I could have missed some clues, thats true, I just didn't get that impression.



THAT is, indeed, how it sounded. Now, others told me that I come off as too intense, so that is what I am attributting it to. But it is really frustrating because -- even if I look intense on the outside -- I don't feel that way on the inside.

The ONLY thing I am intense about on the inside is that people don't talk to me. And yes, THAT PART I am very intense about (as evident by all my length posts). But the problem is: others don't realize this is what it is. They think I am intense about something completely different. As evident by this girl being too scared to say the wrong word. I guess she doesn't realize that I don't care what words she uses, I just want her to talk to me!! !

But I actually remember how I asked people -- not her -- why people dont talk to me and was told people aren't sure how to. Well, what does it mean "aren't sure how to"? Are they afraid to use the wrong word like that girl did? Well like I said, wrong words don't put me off. Its being ignored that does.



Its hard to believe. If girls had crushes on me so easily, I wouldn't be here complaining about being single and lonely.



She only said it because I asked.



The fact that it is okay to talk to her follows from the fact that she started talking.

On the other hand, her use of the word "just" in the sentence "I just like to talk" points in the opposite direction: as in "sorry I didn't mean to talk to you specifically thats just the way I am with everyone". So it feels like she regretted the fact that she started talking, and tried to back-pedal with that sentence.



Then why did she back out of conversation?

Because you were being a pain in the butt.....to be quite honest.

You were sort of putting her on the spot.

Are you referring to the part where I said "I do want to talk ..."? But that was my desperate attempts to salvage the conversation. So since she started to back off "before" I said this, the question is: what was the first thing I did that made her want to back off?

You asked: "Do I come across like I don't want to talk?" I guess you were asking for clarification----but I feel like you "put her on the spot."

After that, it was an awkward exchange. You should have just started talking about something unrelated to what's awkward. Like maybe something that happened in the news, or something that happened on campus.