How to stay civil, calm and set boundaries

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This weekend, I am going to get together with a small group for a friend's birthday. Though I can't wait to see my friends, I feel awkward about being around two other guests, who I used to consider friends. They consist of a mom and her daughter. Her daughter is autistic and has major immaturity issues as well as a mouth. She often blurts out inappropriate things and has picked fights with people several times. Meanwhile, her mom is really phony and has been rude to me in a passive-aggressive manner to indicate that she doesn't like me. Whenever we see each other, the daughter likes to give me hugs and try to coax me back into a friendship but we just are not compatible. She likes to give me a hug which I don't want to do. c

I would like to know how to be civil, stay calm and set boundaries. What should I say without making a scene if they do become rude to me?

I don’t have any advice beyond, “Have a clear exit if you need one,” but please let us know how it goes.

Thanks:
I talked to some other people about handling this situation and a few of them told me this

1. Not share anything from the corner of my life with them, rather listen to them.
2. Don't accept any hugs from the daughter and tell her that I don't want any hugs
3. Put on a big smile and even if I am bored

I also did some research which said when interacting, turn my body away from them to show that I don't care for me.

The following tutorial might be helpful (if you're not already familiar with it): How To Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive (podcast & transcript).

Learning body language (as you would a foreign language) helped me to an incredible degree, especially in avoiding or learning how not to start/escalate conflict. People give you subtle signs all the time and you can learn to both read and use them yourself. Not sure how well it would work if this person is on the spectrum, but the others will notice and be less likely to blame you in case things go wrong.

Good luck

The body language is for her mom since I am sure she has no problem reading those kinds of cues. For her daughter, my former friend, what about being assertive and direct with her? For instance, there was another time where she made a scene in front of everyone else at the birthday party of another friend in which she screamed at me

"We are NOT friends!" when I was not even talking to her, rather I was having fun with the person who was celebrating his birthday.

She also did something similar to another friend of mine who she used to have a crush on and consider her boyfriend but he said inappropriate things. However, she's the bit of a tattle-tale and seems to take negative things about a person and tell her mom on them, so her mom teaches her to stick her nose up at them.

I know I don't want to give her any more ammunition because of that reason

Sounds like a great idea not to offer any personal information! Enjoy and spend time with the rest of your friends, acknowledge them if you have to and be polite but don't engage and try to ignore if they're trying to provoke you in any way.

I think you've got this

My advice would be to tell the daughter directly in a calm and firm manner that "You think she's a nice person but you don't think this friendship is going to work." If her mother gives you attitude tell her that you're sorry and disengage from them. Someone told me before if someone's being mean and rude to you kill'em with kindness.

If that doesn't work then you will probably have to talk to the person hosting the party and tell them about the situation and see if they can help handle the problem.

If that doesn't work you may have to apologize to your friends(Especially the friend whos birthday it is) and tell them that you will have to leave and maybe make it up to them another time(the worst thing to do is cause a scene). If they are decent friends I'm sure they will understand. I hope you have a great time and good luck!

Thanks for the ideas, while I am excited about seeing my friend and his mom, this situation is making me feel very stressed. However, I do have a plan. Since the daughter has no filter, can be nasty and unpredictable, then I decided to maybe take a little break. There is a shop in the area and I can run an errand there if need be. There is something that I need to do anyway.

When it comes to interacting, another person told me not to talk about myself, at all. Rather, to ask questions about them. Meanwhile, give them the hint that I am not interested in staying closed off.

Update:
I just arrived home over half an hour ago after being out for my friend's birthday celebration. The first part were just friends, who consist of the mom and autistic adult son who was celebrating his birthday. I got in a good conversation with the two of them next to having a pleasant time together.

Regarding the celebration, we had it at a restaurant, which was nice. The mom came but her daughter did not which was a relief. As for the interactions, with the mom
1. I was quiet when my friends and I met the mom at the restaurant while quietly waving and smiling
2. I did not share anything personal with her as I had in the past, rather, I asked questions related to her
3. When leaving, I did not bother giving her a hug, rather I shook her hand and gave one of my friends a hug in front of her.

As for her interacting with me
1. The conversation was pretty much one-sided where I was the one asking all the questions. She didn't bother to really ask anything about me. Rather, the questions were more shallow about the food.
2. She didn't seem all that excited to see me and nor did she smile
3. When I did ask her questions, most were "What? Oh." However, she did say that she is having a loss of hearing.
4. She did ask me if I want to go to a theatrical production put on by a community of adults in the disability community. However, I politely declined to be there has been conflict between us like that as well as my putting a distance between us and myself.

While I feel full after being with my friends, I feel a little empty and drained after spending an hour interacting with her mom.