Do we really lack understanding of non-verbal social cues?

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Do people with HFA or AS really lack understanding of social cues like we claim that we do? Often on WP people put in their posts "...I could tell by their face/tone of voice that they meant X/feeling Y..." So I don't think it's impossible for every autistic person to be able to automatically connect socially.

Tl;Dr - I've bolded the bits I don't want readers to miss.

Today at work in a meeting the boss was updating the safety awareness, and there is one worker (let's just call her Jane) who has been known to be unaware of safety. While Jane wasn't looking, the supervisor quietly said to the boss, "there is one person here who needs extra training for safety" and they glanced at Jane. OK, you might say that was easy to pick up on because I already knew who they were talking about BUT the hidden (non-verbal) social cue I picked up on without thinking was "don't say out loud the name of whom we are talking about".
Some people with autism might have been honest and said out loud, "ah, yes, Jane here does often put herself in danger without realising, maybe give her extra safety training?" Although that sounds like the right thing to do, I automatically knew that saying that out loud would probably humiliate Jane or make Jane feel embarrassed or whatever, and also I could tell by the body language of the boss and the supervisor that it's best to stay quiet (although they weren't aiming any hints at me, I just picked up the hints). But I gave them a slight smile to indicate that I was thinking what they were thinking.
So I was emotionally influenced by a prediction of Jane's feelings and the body language of the supervisor and the boss that made me subconsciously make a decision to stay quiet and go along with it.

And this isn't an isolated incident of me picking up on non-verbal cues, it actually happens a lot.

It does feel natural to me.
Ps. I understand that it's tempting but please refrain from giving sarcastic answers like "all right, you're not autistic, happy now?!", because I'm not trying to say that.

I know what you mean. I put my feet in it too! I am far too open, and due to this I can be taken advantage of. I am also slightly gullable even though I am not a sea gull. (But I am less gullable now I have the experience to know what some of the tricks are as I have been caught out in the past many times, so if something does not seem right somehow, then I look for clues.
But picking up on the what does not seem right... Uhmmm.

One area where I struggle in is knowing the difference between a lady who is flirting because she fancies me and a lady who is just being nice. My Mum has said "It was soo obvious! How could you have missed it? She could not have made it any more obvious!", and I would be like "What girl?" (I deeply apologize to any girl who tried flirting with me and I did not realize. I was not trying to ignore you. I just did not know).

Was this about an autistic who pays attention and gets it VS an autistic who pays attention but still didn't get it?

There are still many unaccounted things regarding to the body language version of dyapraxia and reading between the lines.


One of the factors that it is theorized that at least half of autistics have alexithymia.

Did you know how alexithymia affects allistics or even NTs, and their ability to interpret emotions, act in social situations and theory of mind?
Let alone autistics?

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It's not that autistic people are blind to emotions and facial expressions, you can also read them wrong and misinterpret them. For example as a kid I always thought you were angry at me if you raised your voice at me. If you walked into a room and I was there and you had that negative look on your face, I thought it was at me.

When I say "you" I don't mean you literally Joe90.

Not entirely. It's harder for autistic people to learn them than to NTs, but by no means impossible. I also think that we "study" these things way more consiously than NTs for the same reason.

I'm starting to find social and emotional interaction rather fascinating, especially how we do respond automatically.

The other day at work I was eating in the staff canteen and there was a little chocolate chip on the table that had fallen from the cake I was eating. I didn't want to put it in my mouth after being on the table so I decided to flick it (don't worry, it's my job to clean the canteen before the end of each shift). The chocolate chip hit the wall but I wasn't sure where it landed, but the (foreign) woman who was sitting near moved her body slightly and said, "oh." I wasn't expecting (or intending) that the chocolate chip would hit her, but her reaction made me look up at her and ask if she'd been hit by a chocolate chip. She laughed (it didn't hurt her) and said that it bounced on her forehead. I felt guilty then and apologized to her in case it might have hurt her, but she just laughed harder and said that it's OK. So I laughed.

So, if you break down a situation like this into little details, you'll actually see that you have more social/emotional response reflexes than you may have thought you did.

My emotion: Boredom/restlessness/playfulness
My decision: Flick a chocolate chip at the wall
Reaction of colleague: Movement, grunt
Emotion of colleague: Confusion, slightly startled
My decision: Look at the colleague in response to her action, then seeing that her actions meant "oh, something just hit me" ask her if it did hit her
Reaction of colleague: Says "yes"
My emotion: Guilt, slight shame (like, "oops")
My reaction: Apologize
Reaction of colleague: Laughter
My reaction: Laughter

The only thing I lacked here was geometry skills because I wondered how the hell the chocolate chip managed to hit the wall then bounce to the side and hit my colleague's forehead. If I had better geometry, I wouldn't have made the decision to flick the chocolate chip in the first place.

I did all this without consciously thinking about it at the time. I'm just recapping from how I remember the situation. So interesting if you think about it.

Eh... I can explain said cues all day long. Doesn't mean I'm able to easily pick up on or interpret them in real time. Especially if I'm being expected to also participate in a conversation.

I didn't understand "nonverbal social cues" until I got about in my 20s/30s. Especially in "real time."

I "understand" better in retrospect.

@Joe90, do you have slow processing speed? You might be able to understand non verbal social cues fine if there's not too many going on, but find things difficult to understand in a large group. That's how I operate and I was diagnosed with slow processing speed (specifically visual).

I suck at understanding nonverbal social cues. My “processing speed” is actually pretty fast.

Social cues , too much input , much info . To process . .. ?