Why did I do everything wrong at school?

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When I was at high school I went about my social life in the wrong ways; I pushed away girls who were interested in being my friend and I latched on to girls in my class that didn't want me around.
I think it's because I knew the girls in my class the longest and so I didn't seem to want to branch out. I got depressed because of the social rejection I faced from the other girls in my class, so I knew that they didn't want me around but I stupidly stuck with them anyway, and pushed away girls from other classes who did show interest. If I had got friendly with the nice girls, I might have had more of a decent social life as a teen and done all the normal things teens do like hanging out at the mall and sleepovers. But instead I missed out on all of that because I was foolish.
It wasn't until I got to 14 I wanted to branch out and find new friends, but by then it was too late. Most groups and cliques were formed quite solidly in the last 2 years of high school and so it was harder to make new friends.

Having memories of being a lonely, depressed teen has a depressing sort of effect on me, yes I know it was all in the past and all that but it still bugs me that I could have had a better time in my youth.

It was not your fault, Joe.  It was the autism narrowing your focus and making you socially awkward.  You were not foolish; you just did not understand, and no one else did either, so they could not explain it to you.

Dunno, I was around 20 when I started making friends.

/Mats

I think loads of people did things that they regret when at school regardless as to whether they had autism or not.
I guess due to being young and inexperienced in life.

When my very few friends at school wanted nothing to do with me anymore, I was sad at first, but then happier. I spent so much of my school life all on my own and was my own best friend. I preferred it to be honest.
I know you probably don't feel the same way. Is your regret stemming from not getting what you wanted in school or not getting what society expects?

A bit of both really. I did naturally want friends, as I was a sociable child. But where I come from adolescents having friends was more important than having boy/girlfriends. Not having a boy/girlfriend at 14 was OK, but having no friends at 14 made everyone think you were a weirdo.

I did "everything wrong" in high school, too.

I was the "Pariah's Pariah."

Yet I only began to learn what I was doing wrong in my senior year.

In truth, it's useless to cogitate about your school days. Not too many people had fun in their school days.

What matters much more is how you conduct yourself as an adult.

It's ok. It's normal to be insecure, especially as far back as 14 years of age. You can't change the past, but you can change the present. You mentioned having a boyfriend in a different topic. Think about how happy he makes you now (if he does).

Yes I do have a boyfriend, but due to his health problems and the way middle-aged people these days keep dropping dead from random heart attacks, I do live in fear. The doctors don't want to give him a physical examination because of COVID . Seriously, everything now is just about COVID, like it's the be all and end all. It doesn't matter if someone is feeling peculiarly unwell and could die from a heart attack, as long as they don't die from COVID then it's fine, let them die .(That was sarcasm by the way). If anything most people in the UK have had COVID and/or a lot have been vaccinated so I think that essential medical appointments should still continue as you're probably less likely to contract the disease by giving someone a medical examination (with wearing PPE) than all these huge parties people are so keen on doing the minute we have our freedom back again.

It's all some NTs think about, innit? Parties and alcohol. How can you enjoy a party if you drink yourself stupid enough to not even remember the party and wake up hungover the next morning? I just fail to see the attraction.


Oops, sorry, went off-topic there.

Yeah. It was so so much about covid-19 the past 12 months. Covid-19 is a terrible virus, but there are a lot of other conditions that people need to be treated for too. It's sometimes hard to not focus on the worst possible outcomes, but do try to not worry too much. Rooting for the best for you.