I wanted to ask about leaving people behind. I want to know if any of this is related to ASD, or if its just something I learned to do.
To explain, I don't really have any friends and that's been the case for a long time now. I have a partner and a child and that's where almost 100% of my social interaction comes from but I don't seem to be able to make or maintain friendships - all my interpersonal relationships stall at the acquaintance stage.
I found it easier when I was in education or work (I'm freelance now and work from home). In those situations the pressure of proximity, time and shared endeavour made it easier for me to get closer to people, however what I thought were friendships didn't seem to translate out of the environment in which they were formed. These weren't people who would call on me for help, or for a chat or to arrange to do something together outside of work. And if I left that environment, that would be the end of that 'friendship'.
Growing up my family moved a lot, somewhere between 6 months and 2 years, we'd uproot and it'd be new town, new home, new school, new people. I guess that at some point I learned that making friends wasn't worth the effort because soon we'd leave and I'd never see them again.
At school, when I did have friends, I usually had one very good friend, quite intense relationships, and I'd try to spend all my time with them. I never really had a circle of friends.
I've tried, very consciously, to break this pattern which has continued into adulthood and the world of working. When I leave a job, that's usually the last I'll see of my work 'friends', if I've made any. I've joined groups/clubs for subjects I'm interested in and have considered people there to be friends but again, once the group ends for whatever reason, that's usually the end of the friends as well. I'll go to quite a lot of effort to keep things going - I'll travel long distances to see people, I'll initiate contact and try to arrange things to do. I do get disheartened when people don't seem willing to make the same effort, and usually only try a couple of times at most before I give up on them. I can practically guarantee that if I made no effort to see these people, they would never make the effort to see me. Which suggests they weren't friends at all, doesn't it? And that I misread our relationship and put more value on it than they did?
So, I can see that environmental factors have contributed to my lack of friendship making/keeping skills. But I'm never clear to what extent this is, and whether any of it can be attributed to my suspected ASD.
I think I'm asking if any of this sounds familiar to anyone?
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07 Feb 2021, 9:04 am
