Argumentative. Is this autism related?

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I find myself getting into verbal fights approximately 2 times a month. Sometimes sales reps, sometimes service providers... last bad one was with my vet. Even though I have a high degree of confidence that I’m in the right in each particular scenario, overall it’s a pattern and I am the common denominator.

It’s like when there’s a key point in the discussion and we disagree my mind becomes my enemy. I get flustered and have a lot of trouble expressing myself fully. It’s like the rationale part of my brain locks. I don’t know if this is Aspergers or just a flaw. I’m extremely upset by this. I am working w a therapist but I feel she is looking up resources (to help me) as we are speaking.

So far our plan is this. When I feel this coming on (my mind shutting down and my mouth becoming reactive) I have a script. I’m to say:
“ I hear that we are interpreting things differently. I need to take a few minutes to process, can I call you back.”

I’m really hopeful that this helps but I’m also looking for more tips, suggestions, activities, or resources that can help.

Overall I’m high functioning and I’m ashamed with how I handle things sometimes. I’m trying to keep positive and solution focused.. but honestly it leaves me feeling shattered.

Has anybody else experienced this?

I feel like i CAN be this way but i am way too scared of people to ever argue with them.

But i totally get what you mean. Just today one of my friends said that she isn't consider ing taking the vaccine because of side effects that might take place 10 or 20 years after. I was so surprised and sad to hear that she is not able to think what that means for the people around her. I am scared everyday because my parents are elderly.

I just don't understand how can someone think about 10 years later and not the danger we are under right now. I could say a million things about how absolutely selfish this is and how much this stresses me because we regularly meet. But i know she is not open to commucation, like most illogical people are. They are just walls. So it is best not to argue with people especially uneducated or ignorant people who disregard scientific facts.

In actuality, i admire people who are not afraid of confrontation, who are brave enough to argue when it is scientific facts or basic common sense being discussed (???)

It’s COVID itself which causes the things that happen “10 or 20 years down the road.”

If vaccines actually caused all those things, we would have serious problems. According to this scenario, virtually every person in the world would have potentially debilitating conditions.

Being argumentative has many causes. I doubt very much that it is specifically an “autism” thing. I’ve known many sociable NTs who are argumentative.

I've gotten myself in trouble with this, with a family member years ago. I KNEW I was in the the right but everyone took there side over mine. In more recent years, I've had this come up at work, someone in particular was totally f---ing something up, because there lazy and incompetent. I totally blew up and got pulled into the managers office, the idiot who caused the whole thing to happen of course got off scott free. What sucks is, this twit got promoted later on.

I hung up on someone from the cable company one time, when my internet kept messing up. I got sick of repeating myself and I was about to start screaming and swearing at the guy. He got smart with me and hung up. I had to go lie on the bed for about a half hour to calm down.

As far as the COVID thing goes, if someone starts conspiracy theory nonsense about that or BS about the 2020 election, I refuse to engage them and walk away.

In truth, most people who get COVID don’t have very many symptoms or pathologies afterwards.

About 10% (which is a high number) get post-COVID symptoms, and are known as “long haulers.”

I’m actually in better shape post-COViD than pre-COVID. I’m very fortunate.

When you're right and you know it, it can be frustrating when your greater expertise or knowledge is not being respected. Then things can easily escalate.

In addition to the suggestion your therapist offered, you can also use the maxim "pick your battles." Don't argue if (a) there is little likelihood of convincing the other party, or (b) it doesn't much matter, anyway.

If you do decide to pick this particular battle, remember that your opponent is convinced they are right, too. You are more likely to win them over by skillful dialogue than by asserting your rightness and their wrongness. Now if skillful dialog, think Socratic questioning, rhetoric, etc., is something you can't do, then best not to wade in at all.

I rather thought it's a trait for the order-inclined and with prerequisites of being sympathetic.

Usually thought they had this weird obligation to spread knowledge, or ought the idea of being right ways to do X (usually solution oriented and perfectionists does this) and being 'lawful' to the rules (which leans to planning and rigid oriented).


The idea that most autistics are order inclined and sympathetic is true.
However... I'm not one of the autistics who had the similar inclination nor urge.
At least, not a very strong one compared to most autistics anyway.

A good portion of aspies are quite the perfectionist -- I'm not.

I'd only intervene... If it gets in my way.
If the ideas' actions actually affects me directly in it's consequence.


Regardless...
I don't have a perfect scenario in my head, like ever since adulthood. I don't think too ahead because I came from a place that isn't. I don't have this rehearsed visions of the future or script -- a guideline at best, but never, ever in nigh accuracy.
I always have this kind of leeway in my head.

If there's an area you cannot reach control nor influence over by any means, accept the uncertainty.

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Getting angry isn't a flaw.

I am very keen of being right, so much so that I often change the prerequisites when I find myself in deep waters in an argument.
I realized this quite recently and am working on changing my behaviour.

/Mats