I'm in denial sometimes

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I keep wishing I were NT and trying to tell myself (as I have my whole life), "If I just try a little harder, if I just learn some useful phrases and try to dress appropriately, and learn some rules of talking, maybe I could be NT, or something..."

Of course it has never worked. And I have to admit it. I never get farther than thinking about it. Even when I try to be very friendly, I feel as though people just aren't convinced or something. I always feel as though I am just visiting this strange place.

Are you all at peace with AS? Or do some of you have thes fantasies of 'fixing' yourselves, too?

I think there is a difference between 'fixing' and 'learning to cope'. You definitely can do the latter.
I had always wanted to fix myself when I was younger and not busy with neglecting the world entirely. Now I am working to catch up with learning to cope instead.

If it aint broke don't fix it.

Be proud to be a one eyed Leela in a world of two-eyes. (or even a Bender, or a Mad Professor [maybe not a space lobster though])

I don't know about fixing, but I at least wish I could fit in better. I tend to stick out so much. When I'm having a hard time in social situations I get really quiet or make a lot of one-liners, but that tends to only separate me more. I mean, I get the sense that people like me, but more like spectators liking a performer. And given time most people eventually become annoyed.

That sums up exactly my feelings. I feel kind of inconsequential in a lot of circumstances, like I'm not real. If I say something, people may stop to look over at me, but quickly return to talking amongst themselves when they see it was just me who had spoken. Their reaction to me is similar to if they heard a backfiring car. I recall one instance where I was in a group of people who were trying to decide where to eat. I plainly, quite audibly, suggested restaurant A. The people in the group looked at me briefly, and picked up right where I'd spoken (interrupted). About 30 seconds later, someone else made my same suggestion, which this time was greeted with enthusiasm by the group, and we went to the restaurant.

Even on these forums, I often feel like I'm talking to myself. I'm decent company, so it's not too bad.

hahaha

I feel like a one-eyed Leela, walking around in Mayberry. Well, as unique looking as Leela, but as spacey as the professor.

I do that, too. So I get some laughs, briefly.

That same thing happens to me! That's why I feel like a visitor and an observer.

Even if I develop coping skills, which I'm sure I have, I'm still just coping. I guess I wish I could change, but I don't even understand the people I want to be like. Sigh. At least my dog loves me.

For the longest time I denied even having it. I feel much better now that Ive learned to accept it.

I know exactly what you mean. It gets even worse than that for me sometimes; my system seems to have taken it to the next level. I have depersonalization attacks (at least that's what I think they are) where I literally feel unreal. It's as though I'm a ghost and I almost feel like I'm floating. It gets so bad sometimes that I literally begin to feel like I'm going to disappear, then I start to panic internally and usually need to go home and go to bed.

Futurama91, there's some beautiful qualities of AS too you know... I myself thrive on thinking that if I break the problems of AS and improve the qualities of it, and try to claim the qualities of NT folk, I'll be a most interesting specimen. I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant... I can assure you that in some ways I'm really not.
But a problem others perceive may not be a problem at all. There's some great sides to having AS.

Have a look here if you have not already. Similar discussion. It is very important to accept ourselves.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=41793