Toxic friends

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Is it more common for autistics to end up into toxic friendships?

I think it might be more common for autistic people to end up friends with toxic people. In my case I've had a lot of toxic friends because I can be very naive and too trusting. I don't quickly notice warning signs for that type of behavior and I tend to assume that everyone's a nice person until they consistently show me otherwise.

I think one of the reasons why so many spectrumites end up in this vicious cycle of toxic friendships is because we want a friend so bad and will open up to anyone who appears to accept us. Not to mention the struggle to really notice the red flags as an early sign. Some examples

1. Noticing how these people treat or talk to others
2. Recognize how much criticism they give
3. They make back handed comments or ask personal questions
4. They're always the victim and their needs are more important
5. Are you always made to feel like you are competing with their other friends

One of things I learned from therapy is that I'm drawn to people I wish I could be more like (friendly, assertive, confident, etc.). On the surface it seems like a compliment, but it can be easy to get taken advantage of if you're not careful.

That is so true.

seems like it at times, i realized that a former friend that I posted about a little while back was toxic. I realized this on my own time and with therapy and want nothing to do with her now how she gas lighted me and started drama with a coworker of mine and made me have to swap jobs. She comes in to my new job even, and keeps looking over at me when she don't buy anything like she's hoping i'll try to chase after her or whatever. I ignore her short of doing my job as a cashier when she comes in

You can end up in a toxic relationship with someone because they have interests and qualities in common and therefore want it to work. I have found myself in situations like this but I keep denying how toxic they are.

I have also ended up in toxic relationships with other adults on the spectrum because there is this expectation that "Birds of a feather flock together." Things can turn toxic because you are dealing with conflicts of personality, interest, etc. Meanwhile you have varying degrees of the disabilities and diverse sensory issues.

I've had toxic friendships too, and when you don't realize it immediately it hurts. For some reason, I find it hard to move on even after 3 years. I felt like they took advantage of me being autistic, and hopefully that doesn't happen again. Why do some people take advantage of us?

It also depends on the age group, Teenagers can go through friendships that become toxic because of some incompatibility. It's not necessarily the person who is toxic.

You're right. That's probably what happened with my friendship.

This.

Autistics are easy targets for narcissists and toxic, fake "friends" due to our naivety, lack of social awareness and loneliness. We often find ourselves desperate for human contact. The majority of friendships that I have had in my life have been toxic ones, with friends who faked niceness only to constantly make fun of me and stab me in the back. I now have some major trust issues due to these fake friendships.

In highschool you need to be really careful with people offering to be your friend. When I was in highschool many average kids tend to keep their finger on the pulse of who's the alpha kids and (unfortunately) they are not averse to turning on you in order to impress the popular kids.

I have a few genuine friends now. One is a neurodiverse individual who I helped greatly at my former workplace become accepted, by trying to manage the fallout from some of his behaviour that he was doing without realising, but also by telling everybody (NT's) that he was very intelligent & capable, even though they didn't believe he was.

He went almost 20 years being ostracized and isolated and due to my efforts over a number of years, he is now 'one of the gang'.

My other long-term friend is a post-doc and is so far ahead of me in life it's not even funny. Am I jealous? No. He's better than me - at everything. Have I ever said a bad word about him? No.

My Mum is my other best friend.

I used to be like this guy in the video, and still am in many ways. People don't like to add me on social media, because I disturb their world view.

I worked with a "Friend" years ago who was extremely toxic, however, I had gut feelings about this person when they started working with us. There something about this person that gave off mean-spirted vibes. In fact, I thought they seemed bossy. Regardless, I decided to give them a chance because they were nice. That said, there were red flags:

1. I could never be myself around this person
2. They were never interested in coming to my things
3. I walked on eggshells around them
4. When another person got hired, they dumped me and started ignoring me
5. They started gossiping and lying about me to other co-workers, their friends and family
6. They also denied the fact that we were friends and told everyone how they hated me.
7. They used me for things
8. The friendship was one-sided
9. They would never come to any of my things
10. They stood me up a few times and didn't call. They made excuses about everything too which was annoying

However, I made friends with the other co-worker who they dumped me for and we've been friends ever since. Meanwhile, this person showed their true colors to my real friend. I was so glad when she finally quit

I have a friend who I used know when we were both university students. He is now a lawyer married to a dentist. they are millionaires and own two properties in Australia and property overseas. Prior to COVID he used to travel regularly to run his businesses in Asia.

He is a busy man but when we catch up we make time to share stories and life experiences. One of the prerequisites to being a friend is being non-judgemental. I don't pry into his life and likewise he tries his best not to be judgemental toward me as I don't move in the same social circles as he does and haven't achieved his level of success.

It's the same at work. I have colleagues who are extremely successful and whenever I interact with them I don't burden them with my own personal problems and keep things in a professional/social space which doesn't impinge on personal circumstances which are trying/problematic as I know people have their own problems and don't want to hear about my personal tribulations.