If people treated me the same as they do others...

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...then I don't think I'll have any troubles making friends and fitting in, in fact I'll probably be popular.

I think the only social problem I have is presenting a social 'weakness' (kind of like a vibe) where a lot of NTs think they can say whatever they want to me (things they wouldn't say to others) and not consider my feelings.

It's like I can do all the things an NT does but because I give off "weak" vibes people aren't afraid of hurting or dismissing my feelings.

For example, one man at work whines all the time, he goes into these whiny monologues very frequently, and although other workers say behind his back "all he does is moan, moan, moan!", they still listen politely when he is going into one. But if on the uncommon occasion that I may whine about something, even I say it in a matter-of-fact sort of way, people just tell me upfront to stop complaining or moaning. That is just one example and is not intended to base this whole thread on.

It might be why I get along better with other socially "weak" people (not necessarily other Aspies), because they may not notice my weakness so much and be more appreciative of my kind nature instead of portraying me as weak or stupid.

I quite like this explanation actually. It's not that I don't understand people, it's just I give off this unwanted vibe that lets a lot of NT people (not all) treat me differently to what they treat others. It has always been my problem, being treated differently.
For example as a teenager some other kid could spit and it will impress the group, but if I spat I'll just be called gross. That sort of thing.

Agreed, people like or dislike each other without reason. If someone is dead set on disliking you no good or kind behavior will change their feelings towards you.

It's the same with kind and caring nt people too. One of my nt friends is a very kind person who always thinks of others before herself and she has suffered a lot precisely because she doesn't attack people and get bitchy when the others bully her. The bullies can't understand that so they attack her more.
Aggressive and immature people can't comprehend kindness.

Yes, it applies to NTs as well; some NTs can give off "weak" vibes and be treated differently.

Socialising is hard when you get treated differently by most NTs.

Yeah. I get you.

So many rules, expectations, reputations, and we live in such a status and ego filled society. And it is sometimes at superficial level.

For me, even just saying hi and hello is somewhat insignificant compared to other people saying it.

I always just try to smile, work on positive energy no matter how bad I’m feeling, and try to show genuine care for the other person.

I may not be able to fulfill their expectations. But they can at least see I’m trying. NT’s give credit to us who try. But NT’s don’t ever go halfway for us. Because they are the majority. And in some ways I get that.

Maybe you could try certain things that make you stand out in a good way? My autistic talents help me make others view me in a different light. Sometimes in an equal light. Other times they are more confused and are not sure where they and I stand at all.

I’ve seen those Lower functioning than me. I am guilty of thinking somewhat less than them. But then I see their writing and art and so much more and I think “Holy s**t, they are way above me! In a lot of ways!”

Surface level judgments are useless!

I do think it is critical that we try to make peace within our place and find… somehow… someway…. To make others feel and be at their best, too. And thrive with society at large. It is how it all works.

It’s probably more out of fear that they talk behind his back, and not directly to his face.

They don’t feel you pose a threat.

It is ironically more respectful to talk behind one's back than to say it to ones face. Saying it to their face takes guts - unless the person is perceived as weak, then they have no problem being upfront about you to your face. It's natural to talk about people behind their back, even I'm guilty of it sometimes. It's what humans do and I'm no exception (this is where I don't relate to other autistics in this way).

However, sometimes a person can be honest with you for good intentions. But when it's done to invalidate you or make you feel inferior or treated differently then it's actually kinder to not say to their face. People can talk about me if they want, as long as I don't know, then what I don't know can't hurt me.

I'd rather people listen politely to my ramblings than to tell me to shut up and stop whining. I like my voice heard. I like expressing myself, if only people would let me.

I’m not allowed to whine, either. Trust me. I know the feeling.

When it comes right down to it, though—maybe it’s better not to whine.

I don't whine much in offline life but sometimes whining is just expressing your feelings.

If people treated me the same as they do others...

.....
.......

Actually, I do not understand this statement.

By "as they do others" meaning...
As an equal? Casual? Included? Welcomed? ... Valid?? Taken seriously? Not a part of the background??? "Human"?!



So I'll just assume and put my own context from that statement:

IF people treated me the same as they do others...
It is completely contextual.

Not just as an individual, but also in location, and depending in other presences and whatever they're doing -- personal, business, in between... And usually all at once.

To me, new place, specific people, situations and other spaces means a change of rules.

I expect the same person I've been playing ball with the youth around the neighborhood to act like a stern person in the job, or a trickster amongst the batch mate peers, or an utter flirt within specific chatrooms...

I expect this person -- or anyone for that matter -- to change, shift from someone to resonate with to a complete stranger as soon as the dynamics, time and space shifts.

What I can control, is when I should play along with this dynamic -- passively, actively or not, regardless of my 'position'.

I had known that there is always a right time and place for everything. I just have to observe when, how and where -- and just as how I'd naturally express it.

And all 'roles' can be optimized and be able to make the most of it -- yes, even the role of being label a complete loser.

Even if that window is very slim, it is there. This includes complaining about everything, being heard for it, and not be belittled by it.

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I find people often treat me differently for the opposite reason: I say things to people's face that other people are afraid to directly say. I'm not being intentionally rude or offensive, just saying what I mean. But I'm told I'm not "diplomatic" enough.

What's weird to me is that I never in my adult life had this happen to me before I moved to this city.
And it started way before I got diagnosed, so I don't believe it's because I've changed my behaviour because of the diagnosis.
What's happening is some people don't greet me. Nobody asks me out for lunch, nobody invites me to anything outside of work.
Most people are polite, but some are downright rude to me, leaves the room when I enter and such.
When I bring it up with the few people I have a bit of connection with they say that I am liked and apreciated by all, but that's not the signals I'm receiving.

/Mats