Belief that positive feedback is a sham?

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Anyone besides me developed the notion that positive feedback from NTs is, underneath it all, a sham?

The only positive feedback I believe in is in the workplace, when I know I've done a good job on something work-related. Any other kind, I treat with deep suspicion that it falls into one of the following categories:

- Being kindly to the "special needs kid"

- Planning to take advantage of me

One of the issues that I think has been (in my case) emerging from this attitude is, if I go through a rough patch with someone who I originally got along with OK, my initial gut instinct is, "well, their mask is coming off now, like with everyone else... they think I'm a tard now, and it's never going to get better, so might as well stop trying so hard."

A very destructive and self-defeating attitude to be sure, and one I actively try to avoid putting into action. It's a conscious struggle, though, sometimes.

Any of this ring bells with anyone else?

I know exactly what you mean. Any time anyone compliments me, I pretend to take it like an NT would, but deep down I can't help but be absolutely sure that they're only being nice because they underestimated my intelligence. The nagging suspicion that everyone can see right through my NT facade to my insecure "special needs" interior is always with me, even though I haven't seen any signs of this for years. Or maybe I just haven't been perceptive enough to pick up the signs

It drives me crazy, it does.

I definetely can relate to this. Everytime I get praised for something at work...I can't help but think that they're just trying to be sympathetic torwards the "special needs" person.

I feel the same way...Every time someone is nice to me, or compliments me, or whatever I feel like they are not being sincere, whether they pity me or want to use me I don't know. I think this is as much related to some things that happened in my past as my AS, but who knows!

I am notorious for taking compliments extremely ungraciously - my usual reponse to compliments is to tell the offender that they I already know how brilliant I am and don't need their preposterous opinion (when in a good mood) or to just flat out tell them to bugger off (or similar when in a bad mood). I think its probably due to me always assuming the worst of what anyone says to me (and being unable to read true intentions) rather than a reaction to perceived condascension though.......

I'm always taken aback when someone says something nice to me. I feel as if I've done nothing to deserve being talked to in a "nice" way. I actually get a little embarrased. More so than if I had done something worthy of embarrasment.

I enjoy doing my work and appreciate a quiet "thank-you" when I do a particularly good job at something. I just prefer not to be the center of attention and hate it when the boss makes a big deal about my work in front of the other employees.

I managed to find a job where my tasks are perfectly aligned with my two main perseverative interests and usually I don't have to interact with strangers. I love my job and thought I would be able to toil in quiet anonymity. Because I "think outside the box" (having never been in the box in the first place) my solutions to problems tend to be innovative, practical and efficient, if somewhat difficult to explain to others. This has resulted in a flood of offers to transfer to other departments or go into management. It's funny in a perverse sort of way-- they want to separate me from the job I do the best and put me in a high-profile position where I'll probably crash and burn.

I hardly ever believe people when they compliment me.

Then, regardless of whether or nor I believe the compliment to be genuine, I never know how to take it. It seems I always sputter out a garbled excuse for why I did whatever they're complimenting me on. I can never just say 'thank you' and go on with it.

I'm not a big fan of the 'special needs' treatment. You know...the kind of talk where someone speaks to you as if they are a mother talking to their toddler. I quite often respond to that stuff with very dry and sometimes nasty sarcasm.

To finish off what I was going to say earlier (how do I always manage to get so far off track?), my elevated profile is due in part to my computer skills, so now I have people dropping by my desk all the time and starting conversations by complimenting me on my software (or whatever) as a way of leading up to asking me to fix their computer for them.... It gets to the point where I just don't want to hear any compliments (deserved or otherwise) and wish people would just leave me alone to do my work.

I don't usually like it when people over complement me on doing things; I just shy away: it's not 'rocket science' for me!

Another problem with compliments is that the people who give them the most often are usually the people whose opinions are least worthwhile. Sure, they'll gush if you do a good job - but they'll also gush over pure crap, so the words come to mean nothing. Used to drive me crazy when I was younger. Not so much now, but that's just cause I have a better idea of who to trust and who not to. For example, random secretary X typically has no idea of the difference between good code and bad code, so even if she thinks you're smart, she has no clue what it means.

I started saying "Okay" or "Good" to compliments when my purpose is to improve the work and not to sit there feeling good about their opinion. No clue if people find this unusual or some kind of red flag.

I am very distrustful of direct compliments...Like when people go up to you and directly say 'your work is so good', 'you're so smart'...They typically lead to 'can you help me with this question' (explaining things to other people borders painful for me) or 'whats the answer to this'...So when I get a direct compliment I smile shyly and try to keep as far away from that person as possible...And I should also add, that sometimes it feels like they are talking down to me when they compliment me, which is another repelling force...To them I am no longer normal and ignorable...I am a freak who can give them answers...Well, thats how I feel

Indirect compliments...When my friends say 'oh, yeah, because you're so smart', in an off hand way...I don't mind that at all...sometimes it makes me feel good, other times I feel same as I did before

That's happened to me a few times in the past. I had a Job Placement Officer who was like that. When I was offered a Job at the Factory ten years ago, she kneeled down and told me how proud she was in that annoying voice. I HATED that with a passion. In that same year, one of the Right Hands who worked at the Factory was looking for the jacket to a Dry Suit. When I found the Jacket, she clapped her hands and said, Yay, as if I was a Toddler who pooped in the Potty for the first time. I told her that I was 20 years old and that I demanded to be treated like an Adult. That happened ten years ago.

Two years later, we had a boss who ran an extension of the company in Italy. Her translator came up to me said, "Aren't you a Special One." One of my Bosses stopped the man right in his tracks and said, "Don't do that. She has a Morality Issues!" And I did have Morality Issues. I'm fortunate that the Bosses that I worked for really knew me.

My normal response to compliments is "Oh, ummmm, thanks, I guess." Unless I think I did a good job, I assume they're just being nice. It gets really annoying when someone reminds you to say thankyou, too many compliments means too much time wasted thanking them. I'd rather get one or two a day over a bunch.

My attitude toward complimetns fluctuated like crazy over the course of my life. As a kid, I loved compliments, which were 99.999999% of the time about my intelligence and knowledge.

Later on in life, I started to hate compliments if it were about something I didn't think was a big deal, such as figuring out how to work one of those new digital parking meters.

Now, whenver I hear a compliment, I look for a "logical" explanation to it. Since a lot of compliments I received in life were sarcastic, I meticulously listen for the person's tone of voice, to see if he/she is sincere. Also, if the compliment has anything to do with my intelligence, I give a flat, emotionless "thanks" 'cause I've heard those way too many times, and don't find them flattering at all.

Very recently (less than since a year ago), I started to actually enjoy hearing people's compliments. I don't know why, but somehow, I realized that people giving them to me are not trying to trip me up, but are simply pointing out my achievements.