Other people have feelings too?

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I am in the midst of obtaining a diagnosis of Asperger's, but I have realized that it may be very difficult for me as I am an adult female ( 28 ) and I do have Social Anxiety Disorder which I have read up on is very similar to Asperger's in many ways.
The key thing for me, however, that keeps bringing me back to me being an aspie is my lack of emotions and understanding other's emotions.
Some of my experiences are:
* My pastor's mother died (I didn't know her but I am close with him) and I went to the funeral. When I was there I was glad to see everyone (friends from out of town, etc.) but as everyone seemed "okay" it felt more like a party than a wake. And during the viewing of the casket while everyone was quiet and solemn I remember distinctly not feeling moved. I was sad for my pastor and his family, but I remember thinking how fake and distorted his mother looked and how it was good she was dead and out of pain! (she had cancer). I realized these seemed like cruel thoughts, but it was the same when my uncle died, at his funeral I just wanted to get going because it was "wasting my time". Mind you, I've learned NOT to vocalize my thoughts on such things. I also recall thinking everyone was taking it very well and I didn't really think how sad my pastor must be until he started to cry later at the cemetery.
* Also, with my pastor, the following Sunday I was completely taken off guard by the fact that he was still so upset over it as it never occurred to me (perhaps even how upset he was/is). My sister (an NT) told me to imagine if we had lost our Mom, and I hadn't thought of it that way. Even then, it is very hard for me to imagine how I'll feel when I lose someone close. I never have.
* On that note, however, a guy I knew in high school was killed in a car wreck and when my friend called and told me at 1st I thought she was lying, but afterward I just felt...numb. Or rather, nothing. I can't really explain it. It was sad, he was young, I had kinda liked him, but I never got upset over it.
* A girl I barely knew was chatting (oi) with me about the orphans in China (or someplace) and how they are thrown out and killed, etc. I remember assessing mentally that I had no idea what my reaction should be to this information. I had heard before what she was talking about. It was not new information. I felt bad that I didn't feel anything.
* A friend of mine was talking about her bad day, the week ahead, etc. and I was nodding, taking in the info, but when she said something about "life is just that way [hard]" or the bad things that happen, and I just nodded and smiled. I had no emotional feelings toward her "plight". We laughed about it (she is very nice) and she just said "misery loves company, huh?" Really, it just didn't matter to me.
* I find it very difficult if not impossible to show excitement. At Christmas (childhood) even if I was happy that I got the toy I really wanted I couldn't "show" I was happy. I didn't even notice until my Dad got angry at me for not being appreciative. I was upset, he couldn't see the swelling inside that I felt.
* It took me time to become used to saying "hello" and "goodbye" in most situations (I still don't always). Before it was brought to my attention, I never felt it was necessary. I was always with my Mom and sister and one of them (or anyone I was with) always took care of the formalities. It was already said, why repeat it? But even when alone, (even now) I find it hard/awkward to say "hello" (without over dramatization) "goodbye" "thank you" and others.
* I can barely tell my Mom "I love you" and I REALLY DO, so much. It just feels forced...fake.
* I was with a friend once who (to make a long story short) was crying about her past (etc.). We were in a group of people and at that time I had to consciously will myself to put my hand on her shoulder for support, but the only reason I did was because I felt everyone would think how horrible I was for not showing some kind of comfort. Honestly, I didn't feel anything. I was kind of annoyed at her. I get that quite often, when others break into tears I get irritated at them.
* I have had people tell me I don't seem concerned/lack emotion. So this is noticeable.

These are just a few instances. I'd appreciate your views on these.

And...........thank you!

This happens to me all the time too. An NT is upset or emotional about something, and I'm just sitting there thinking, "What's the appropriate response to this situation again?" Really, wondering how I'm supposed to react to other people's emotions/behaviors is far more troublesome and vexatious than any "sympathy" I'm supposed to exhibit towards them. But it's not that I don't have emotions- I just don't seem to identify with other people's emotions. I mean, we're all individual organisms, does it make sense that we should all spontaneously experience the emotions of whoever happens to be in the room with us? It seems to me that in this way it is the NTs, not us aspies, who are disabled. They have the misfortune of allowing others' negative emotions to be projected into them more or less against their will, entirely paralyzing their already limited capacity for rational thought. Let's all be glad that we are not burdened by a sense that we are somehow obligated to "feel someone else's pain," and don't let anyone tell that you're a worse person or are insensitive simply because you are not a passive mirror to reflect their emotions back to them. Also, never try to fake emotion- NTs can spot this really easily and they will just become more upset with you because now you're not being "sincere."

That's exactly what I've noticed. I do have emotions, I cry, get upset, feel happy, etc. I just can't feel other people's feelings and I can't understand sympathizing. If your life stinks do something to fix it, if you're having a bad day there's always tomorrow. [sigh] I guess I must have the kind of face that others feel comfortable expressing their troubles to because even though I never seek them out I encounter people everywhere I go who want to express how they feel, tell me about their day, complain about one thing or another. Is this just how NT's are? It is very frustrating. I don't really see why I should care in most cases.

Well summed up in my opinion. I feel (or lack thereof? ) much the same way. I don't believe it's a lack of feelings. It's just a problem in mimicry. It is expected that because someone else is sad or happy or whatever that others around them reflect this.

One thing I've found that helps in the interaction is to learn the "pleasantries" and courtesies that are expected. The Hello's, Goodbyes, Thank Yous, excuse me, etc... appear to be extremely important. My life changed when I started using them all the time. It took quite a while to understand when to use each and I still screw it up occasionally but the NTs respond completely differently when they're used. *shrug*

I understand what you mean. I probably was considered cold growing up because of my thoughts/reactions. For example:

-I was sad to see one of my aunt's die when I was twelve. She was in the hospital during her last years of life. When the doctors said there wasn't much hope, they let her go home. We were visiting from Florida during Xmas break. I remember that I was always waiting for her to die when she returned. She was in bad shap. She couldn't eat foods she wanted too and was in constant pain. I wished she would go away peacefuly. And when she did, I was relieved. My mom understands my feelings now that I've been diagnosed, but I guess I probably was viewed as cold for that.
-My mom lives in town, but she called me a few times last year about another aunt who might die. She has a problem getting kidney stones because of her drinking problem. I realise now she just wanted someone to empathise with her, but I couldn't. How could I feel bad about someone who puts their health in constant risk? Perhaps I bring logic in the wrong places.
-When my dad died when I was thirteen, I was sad like any other kid, but I got over it fast. Within a month, life was actualy better without him. I didn't have anyone constantly complaining about my quirks, I was allowed more freedom to induldge in my hobbies, etc. Plus he had a broken disc in his back from roofing, and cysts kept growing back from working with aspestice, so he always was in constant pain and couldn't work. So I was relieved in a similar way as my aunt.

Don't get my started about small talk. I know my psychologists has helped me think of stuff to say, but it is impossible to say it with a feeling that I mean it.

My father and mother passed beforeI turned thirty.I 've had my fill of funerals and try to avoid them if I feel I can politely. However I learned something at my mothers funeral( She died last). My older bother and I were the centers of attention and as people walked by averlooking her corpse aand making embarassed apologies to me I learned something. EVERYBODY feels awkward at a funeral. Don't sweat it. You can smile or frown or have no feeling at all. (Avoid laughs or jokes untill the wake)
As for Christmas I used to watch my father avoid it and I do too. I know why. I hate being in a situation where I'm expected to have a certain or any emotional response in front of others.
I prefer going to the movies alone. Sometimes its the only time I haver a good cry, usually at the animated animal films and the like. I cried my eyes out during Toy Story. And laughed till I burst at Over the Hedge. I yelped in creepiness at Monster House. All alone. I just don't like having my emotions pressured.
Is this a related thought? I also find it nearly impossible to engage in Baby Talk or Sweet Talk to cats or dogs. I talk to them OK, and nicely but just can't bring myself to jibberish . . .

I baby talk to my cats sometimes. They are one of my obsessive interests. I LOVE cats. It almost embarrasses me sometimes how excited I get when I see one. I act like I am 5 yo and I'm 28!
However, I learned baby talking to animals from my aunt and I only do it in private.
It seems sad, I guess, but I've noticed I am always happier (that is to say I show my happiness) to see my family and friend's pets than I am to see them. I've also noticed I greet pets how some NTs greet each other. I'm always am very happy to see animals and I smile and ask them how they're doing... Not that I expect a reply, mind you, I just love their happy faces. I can't seem to transfer this over to people, however.
A dog will never judge you or tell you all of the bad things about your personality that they can't stand.

My best friends' mother has pictures all over the house of all the cats shes evr had and a few dogs as well. I noticed only one toddler picture of my friend though. The woman had no pictures of the rest of her family. I feel sorry for my friend.
Her mother does'nt have AS. She hates people.
What do you call someone who has most of the tendencies of AS but isn't?

To distinguish between social anxiety disorder and Asperger's Syndrom I would look for sensory integration/sensory overload issues. I was told many aspies have sensory integration disorder (SID) symptoms. I do.

It is not easy to find them as an adult because one gets used to them, sees one's own sensory sensations as perfectly normal and expects other people to feel the same. One naturally lacks an opportunity to compare one's own sensory experiences with those of other people.

This is much easier in childhood, because parents would see there is something wrong with their child, especially when they have got experiences with other children.

Hope that helps.

I have always had exceptional hearing (from tests since I was a kid) but when I am in a crowd or a group and everyone is talking instead of being able to hear everything that is said it is more like everything gets twisted together and all jumbled up. I feel either aggravated or anxious and I can't concentrate. I've given up trying to read at work because everyone in the break room can get so loud that I'll read an entire page and have no idea what I just read!
I also have very sensitive eyes. I always have to have on sunglasses and I have constant headaches from the glare or lights, the sun, etc. Plus, if I am "overexposed", say out and about all day, by evening I will get a migraine and any lights that contrast to the darkness of night literally blind me and make me sick.
And, I have a very sensitive digestive system. Almost all foods make me sick in some way.
I've noticed these things have gotten worse as I've gotten older.

Is this kind of thing what you're talking about?

you're talking about exacyly whay I'm feeling. I'm sure about the auditory problem. I thought maybe the light problem was a result of my being shut in because of my anxiety and depression. I thought I was only going to the grocery at night because it was less crowded. But I notice driving is less stressful at night.
What I havn't heard before id sensitivity to food. My stomach hurts a lot after I eat. My Psych recommended a physical as I had posed the idea that it was medication side effects.
I havn't heard much about food sensitvities please tell me more.

Many aspects of AS mean to put you under constant stress. Not only social or life problems but especially the sensory situation as well. An aspie would not likely call some conditions stressful because one experienced them all one's life and other NT people being in the same sitiuation do not have any stress symptoms at all, especially no stress symptoms that would come with a physical manifestation. Of course NTs have those symptoms too but they really need to have real "common sense"- stress before those would show up.

A special sensitivity to food is unknown to me, but the digestion system is very stress-sensitive. I would think trying a medication against heartburn symptoms might show some effect. Constant heartburn can easily give way to more serious problems like gastric ulcer etc., so I would also recommend seeking medical advice.

Other stress related problems can be general muscle tension problems and the inability to physically relax, dental problems because of stress induced tooth abrasion (even while one is asleep) or ear pain caused by the constantly active jaw muscles.

Thank you.
Of course thats logical, constant stress would take its' toll physically. So other than sedation through medication what can one learn?
Itried meditation does anyone know if this helps people with AS or is the condition itself generally make it a difficult pursuit?

I do quite well with Progressive Muscle Relaxation as it was developed by the American physician Edmund Jacobson.

There is plenty of books, audio CDs and more. I can absolutely recommend it.