apparently intelligience can be intimidating...

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Several people have told me that because I'm so smart or intelligent that I come across as intimidating to other people.

On the one hand, I know I'm smart, getting A's and challenging myself with tough classes in college, and all that stuff. However, although I've accepted it on an academic/career-related basis, I get really frustrated when it affects my social life.

For example, I'm worried that being so smart puts me on a pedestal and prevents people from seeing the other parts of me. I also worry that it will prevent me from finding a girl who can look past all that and see the guy who just wants to find a good set of friends and eventually a life partner.

The worst part is that I can't figure out how being intelligent intimidates somebody else....because if I knew, then maybe I could change how I act to make it better.

Have any of you experienced this, and if so, how have you tried to deal with it? Just for the record, it seems like this intimidation is not limited to NTs but includes other Aspies as well.

Are you an all-rounder? Blessed with Adonis-like good looks, gifted at sport, play many musical instruments, sing to make the angels weep, paint portraits and write sonnets? As well as the intellectual prowess thing? I'd probably be intimidated by you too.

Chances are, though, that you recognise that other people have gifts and talents which could even exceed your own in some aspects. Having a certain amount of humility about this, and a sense of humour, go a long way toward softening others' defensive attitude.

Be careful also of things that might be "showing off" your intelligence too much - eg., don't correct someone just because they're wrong, correct them because they're wrong and it's important to correct them - correct people that confuse Iraq and Australia, but don't worry if they've just mis-pronounced "Linux".

I find it usually not a good idea to try to discuss esoteric topics, such as geosynchronous orbit physics, diachronic linguistics, anatomy of dinosaurs, shapes of f-orbitals or any other subject with which your audience has no knowledge or interest. Try to find out what you have in common, not by asking directly but by listening, and talk about that. You know what I'm saying, right? Try to discuss something in common to everybody at first, like the weather, and not something that's only relevant to some people, like the price of tea in China. However, if you do talk about the weather, try not to go into atmospheric physics, people, NTs, don't care about how things work as much as they care about how it affects them.

Arem’s post is wise advice. You should read “Language in Thought and Action” by Sam Hayakawa, it will help you understand the differences in dialogue, intent and the concept of phatic communion.
You’ll learn in life that being gifted is the second worst disability you can have…the first of course, from your viewpoint, is not being gifted. Your biggest obstacle is that there are many people who are somewhat bright who make it their practice to offend the average person with puerile displays of superficial knowledge. Exposure to this abuse has already, and understandably, jaundiced the world toward you. You’ll see the hallmarks of this pretentious behavior everywhere (even on this page in a preceding post, I’m sure with your GIS background it glares at you). There is nothing you can do about this. You can only present yourself in a modest and humble manner and respect everyone for the humanity and unique knowledge they have. Develop a genuine interest in them and their lives. Keep and treasure those insights, for later in your life they will be the key to the wisdom that Arem possesses.
BTW my best regards to you in Big Sky. I lived some years north of you about 4 miles south of B.C. in Polebridge….miss it whole bunches.

I said it's not a good idea, did you take the time to read my post?! How dare you! I have difficulty in relating to people because I want to know the ends and outs of how things work and most people don't. I was trying to say that people only like things that they can relate to. I research things on my own. I study every detail of what fascinates me with the limited resources I have available. Do you realize the image you present sir? How dare you!

Was this post coincidental? Who's showing off now, or is that your point? Also, does sailing around the world have anything to do with your education, or are you trying to show off what class your in just as an extension of the theme you presented with your expensive private tutors and the rest of the high dollar listings?

My post was a response to mentalman’s query. I recall that in another forum when I innocently and politely asked you why you were abusing TheMachine1 you responded to me “Mind you own business.” I advise you now to abide your own directive.

You also assume too much. My reference to mentalman’s GIS skills has to do with your listed location. It is a universal custom of those even remotely skilled in these arts to list the Latitude first and the Longitude second.

I’m pleased you find “the image I present” onerous; you flatter me, thank you and I am especially grateful to you for making my point perfectly.

Believe it or not, some people grow up being told that they're "stupid." These people often grow up feeling inferior to people with high intellengence and are esaily intimidated by them. Sometimes they grow to worship people with high intellengence. I'm not sure which is worse. In either case, you can be sure that it has everything to with them and how they were brought up, and nothing to do with you. You can't fix other people's problems. All you can do is be who you are.

I do sometimes say things which make me seem intelligent (I am...ahem!) and other people feel intimidated by it. There is one girl who especially felt intimidated by analogies I would make and any points I would observe. But, she is very disruptive and naughty so she may be going to college next year, so I may not have to put up with her any more. Even if she does stay at school, it gives me an extra opportunity to tell her just what I think of her.

I don't think that that is a good reason to feel inferior. All the more reason to try harder!

It's often not a matter of choice. It's often just a simple result of their upbringing. Taking responsibility for other people's problems is the very definition of co-dependency, which is also often not a matter of choice, often just a simple result of upbringing. My point is that you can only break your own bad habits, not others'.

most people are intimidated by intelligence because it makes them feel more stupid.
It sounds very bitter, but it's true

There is nothing wrong with intelligence. What I don't think is cool is people who go out of their way to try show how smart they are, or have a complex about it. Such as people who join pointless organisations such as Mensa, in order to sit around with other people who also like to talk about how smart they are, rather than doing something worthwhile.

Thanks for all your insights - they were all very helpful.

Something I was thinking about is that I wonder how I can emphasize that just because I'm "smart", doesn't mean that I don't >>do<< stuff with it and that I enjoy using my knowledge/skills to help people, not just spout off about stuff.

Several other friends of mine have agreed with you all that I can't fix other people's attitudes - can only help myself...it's a hard thing to accept sometimes.

Anyway, thanks for all the tips and I appreciate any more insights you might have.

According to the IQ tests, standardized tests, and school projects I am not just gifted but damn near genius. Yet, people have said I am dumb and have been surprised that I am book smart. A lot of the time, I think I sound dumb, with occasional islands of brilliance that surprise others. When I think I sound dumb, it is usually about how I have incorrectly comprehended some social situation and done or said something incorrect or too arduous, so maybe this is just the result of Asperger's Syndrome, which I still am not sure whether I have. On the other hand, I don't have much "empirical" understanding of how often neurotypical individuals make similar mistakes, so the possibility is still there that I just give more emotional weight towards or attach more worry to the mistakes.