Sometimes people say extreme things when upset/angry

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This has been bothering me for a while.

When a generally nice person says something extreme, it shows the person is under stress/ angry/ hungry/ tired/ otherwise out of sorts. And normally they wouldn't say the extreme thing.

I think we should understand that. We should try to understand that the generally nice person is hurting, and try to empathise. Especially when they apologise when they feel better. (obviously if they double down on the comment, it's more than an isolated incident)

Instead of focusing on that one particular extreme thing the person said and persecuting them for it. Just because they happened to say one extreme thing one time (or only when they are stressed) doesn't mean they are evil and should be cast out/excluded.

It just means they were having a strong emotion. If someone says extreme things it often shows they are stressed and need help, not a rant about how evil they are.

I hope that makes sense, it is something that often annoys me.

Ha yeah. If you're talking about on an Internet forum then I don't actually owe anyone anything and I think I have just as much as a right to be angry as they do. I don't have to be supportive to a person who shows very little consideration (generally) to groups of people that don't sit well with their personal own beliefs.

I'll stand up for anyone who I think is having a hard time but I'm certainly not gonna sit back and allow that same person cause upset to others.

Sorry KitLily I can't agree with you on this occasion.

Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.

I'm talking about internet forums AND real life in general.

I think you have misunderstood me, I know I'm not clear sometimes.

I'm talking about people who are usually nice and kind, 99% of the time, but occasionally get stressed and say extreme things, 1% of the time. I've done it and so have most people.

Not people who always say extreme things constantly, that is a different type of person.

I think we need to look at the person as a whole: if they are always angry/ critical/ rude/ whatever, I will keep away, whether in real life or online.

If someone has the odd bad day, that just means they are human beings.

Such as myself: I have the odd bad day. It doesn't mean I should be labelled as a bad/evil person just because I happen to get angry/ stressed sometimes. That is not fair on me, or anyone.

I think that, sometimes, there’s a thin line between being supportive and enabling.

People might be more prone to expressing their bigotry when they are stressed, angry, tired, etc., but I don’t think those opinions typically come out of nowhere.

For example, I’m never going to make anti-trans comments just because I’m tired because I’m not transphobic.

In my partner's family, when one of them is upset, they will lash out at other family members with the most hurtful stuff. In the early days of our relationship this really upset me, I'd never seen anything like it. It was just normal for them, they always forgave each other afterwards.

In my family this never happened. In my family if someone says something nasty and insulting to another, they will literally never have anything to do them ever again. Brothers and fathers mainly, who after one falling out just write each other off. So it doesn't happen often. This makes no sense to my partner at all.

We've had to negotiate a middle ground. She had to learn that she can't do that to me, I won't allow it. And I had to learn that when she does get angry with me, it isn't terminal.

So I guess I just mean that there's a spectrum of what's considered 'normal' behaviour, specifically around heightened emotions.

Also worth remembering that some people react with anger to various emotions, including ones that don't really make sense.

My father would get angry when he was frightened, because he couldn't show that he was frightened.

Some people get angry when they're embarrassed and lash out instead of holding their hands up and admitting how they feel.

My daughter will get angry when she's caught doing something she shouldn't. Later on she will experience shame but her initial response is always anger.

Not saying these are acceptable ways to behave but if you're trying to understand why someone responds angrily it might not always be the obvious reason.

I'd actually say shame on the person who does the sh*t stirring anyway.

I mean if you get a bit pissed off with someone and you just say "I'm gonna kill them" isn't that just a figure of speech anyway?

But if I was in an argument with someone at work for example (and this has happened to me) and I say "I'm gonna smash your head through that window" then I would expect to be severely disciplined. I think there's a difference to be fair between a figure of speech and a threat of violence.