fallings out with friends

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What are some examples of fallings out that you had with friends?

What are some examples of getting back together with friends after you had a falling out with them?

Under what circumstances would you refuse to reconcile with former friends?

What are some examples of someone that wanted to be friends with you, that you did not want to be friends with? Why?

once upon a time i made some friends, well it wasn't, they soon put me in servitude;
one that put herself upon me, i wasn"t very impressed with the namedropping intro
- even tually going to sheer their sheep, they left me to do all(not at all the standard practice), for the minimumst of prefixed charges, while they had been gossiping about me with their 'veterinary "friends"
-also being the most superior -feelings- person in the widest world, in their own certainty & needing a lot of praise for it
(introducing the status symbolism of the do-gooder dog'rescue' industry)

another used me to get rid of a couch, i didn't want it, certainly didn't need it, she lied about it not being used by the dogs, WTF.....WHY......???

when you don't put yourself over people they put themself over you < some unwritten law

The Kristy Story


1)

I had a best friend named Kristy when I was 13-14. I kind of had a crush on her but didn't know that at the time. I also had a crush on her boyfriend Dave. I had crushes on everyone because I admired everyone so much for being NT and developing in ways I couldn't, even though I didn't know I was autistic. Something bad happened where I made a mistake when I was trying to mask or act NT (again without knowing why they were different.) They all started to hate me. Kristy turned against me and started calling me horrible names. I was so overwhelmed by the bullying, from being ostracised, and from experiencing shame and regret that I slit my wrists and tried to end my life. It was right at the transition where I was switching schools to start high school so I went to high school entirely friendless. I hid in the library at lunch instead of going to the dining hall. I didn't make any friends at all in high school because I was so traumatised by what happened. It's the reason I started reading so much and it intensified my mutism. I never got over it or rebuilt my self-concept.



2)

We did not get back together. I found out years later she went to the same Uni I did for undergrad and we both lived on campus. I didn't even know that at the time. If I'd known, I would have likely quit Uni out of shame, or the fear that I'd bump into her.


3)

I would refuse if they messed with my kids, if they shamed me, or if they were purposely abusive to me.

The TA Story



1)

When I was 16 my family moved countries because of my grandad's suicide. I met a girl at my summer job and we were work friends. When I moved away for Uni we kept in touch on long-distance phone calls and by writing handwritten letters back and forth. Eventually I got married and she was my maid of honour. Then she got married and I was hers. I guess you could call her a best friend but really, I never got over Kristy or replaced her in my heart. Also she and my husband hated each other. They fought all the time and made fun of each other. When my husband and I split up, this woman phoned me and said she wasn't going to be my friend anymore. She actually said that. She said she was going to side with my ex in court and write affidavits that he should have full custody of the kids instead of me, even though I was still nursing my daughter. She and my husband hated each other so I was completely floored and shocked. I asked her why she would turn against me and her reaction was that she didn't believe in divorce. It wasn't allowed in her religion. Then she hung up on me. It made no sense because he left me. If she didn't believe in divorce why was it my fault? Why didn't she stay on my side instead of his?

She did testify against me in our custody hearing. It was horrible and I consider her one of the people I can never forgive, because her actions led to a lot of trauma for my kids when they got bounced back and forth between homes and cost me gazillions of dollars in unnecessary legal fees.


2)

She never tried to reconcile but I wouldn't anyway, because she hurt my kids.

The D Story


1)

I became friends with a work colleague during my professional career. We became so close that she chose me to be in the hospital room with her when she gave birth to her son. I helped deliver him. I got along really well with her husband and with all her kids as they grew up. We went on vacation to Cuba together with our kids. Her husband was kind of like a father figure to my daughter, when she was around 15. They were even FB friends. We were like one big extended family.

When I had my stroke I left work on Disability. I wasn't allowed to drive for four years. She and her husband came to see me in hospital. A few months later her husband started driving to a place which I needed to go to, which was two hours from home. It would have cost a fortune for me to Uber there, and there was no public transportation for that route. I texted her at work and asked if she thought he'd be willing to drive me the next time he went. She said he was home from work that day so I should text him directly, but she was confident it wouldn't be a problem. I texted her husband and he agreed it would be OK. Later that night my friend D rang me to say she couldn't be my friend anymore and we were finished. She would not allow him to drive me and I was horrible for asking. She hung up. Her husband unfriended my daughter on FB and we never heard from them again.

I have absolutely no clue what that was all about. I was heartbroken.


2)

No, I won't reconcile because they hurt my daughter.

The Other Kristy Story


1)

This isn't the same Kristy as #1. When I had my son I got to know a woman who lived on our street. She had two little boys and they liked to play with my son. We didn't spend much time together but we had tea sometimes or took the kids to the park. We both fell pregnant around the same time for our next baby. She was due about five months before me. She really, really wanted a girl but she had a third boy. We kept talking but I could tell she wasn't very happy about having another son. When my daughter was born I took her on one of the boys' playdates so Kristy could meet her. I could tell she was really jealous or envious that I had a girl and she didn't. She became really curt with me and pretty much pushed us out the door. I never heard from her again and she wouldn't even say hello or wave if we passed on the street.


2)

Screw that. I had no interest in being friends with a moron in the first place.

The Online Friend Story


1)

I was really good friends with someone online. They advised and even encouraged me to report someone for inappropriate behaviour. I said I was scared to do it. They encouraged me even more and said it would help others. I finally agreed. They asked for screenshots so I sent a few to test the waters. I offered even more but they said I'd sent more than enough already and they didn't want or need more. They believed me and thanked me. They said they would deal with it from that point forward so I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. They passed the info along to someone else higher up who flipped out and became very rude and hostile with me. I was treated horribly by the second person. My friend wrote me one more message to say we couldn't talk about it again and then they started ghosting me. I never heard from that person again. This was nearly three years ago. They would know by now that the other person was very wrong. They would see the big picture and realise how harmful their actions had been (and still are).


2)

I have good days and bad days about it. Mostly bad days. I don't know what I'd do if I heard from them. I miss them a lot but at the same time their behaviour was ridiculous and extremely hurtful, not just to me but to other women in a domino effect.

Ergh. My 'falling out with friends' always goes like this:

I make an effort to make friends with someone. It seems to be going well, we have coffees and lunches. Then suddenly I notice they are making excuses not to go out with me. So I back off, and then never hear from them again.

I don't bother chasing after people anymore, because usually if I do ask where they've gone, they say I've said something awful and they can't possibly be friends with me anymore. I never have any idea what they are talking about and they rarely tell me what this 'something awful' was. If they actually told me what it was, I could probably clarify what I meant and it would turn out to be a misunderstanding, in fact that has happened sometimes. But life is too short, so I don't care now.

This is always women btw, men never do that. This didn't happen when I was younger, it seems to be a feature of being middle aged. Or living in a small village. Who knows.

I am keeping this short and sweet, but here are some reasons

- I got tired of dealing with a pre-occupied friendship because she would not let me have a life

- I picked a fight with someone who wasn't a good friend in the first place. The big reason was that she kept making false promises to me and never carried through. I also said some things that were hurtful to her.

- I fell out with a married couple because it didn't work out for me to attend their synagogue. I also did some things that they didn't like.

-I have fallen out with friends because we couldn't see eye to eye on things

-I fell out with friends who were controllers because I wouldn't let them control me

- I fell out with friends who I wasn't compatible with them

- I have fell out with a friend who wasn't very supportive when a family member was in hospice a few years back

What are some examples of getting back together with friends after you had a falling out with them?
- I reconnected with the girl who was possessive of me on two occasions but after the second time, I never spoke to her again.
-I attempted re-connecting with the bad friend who made false promises to me but on a few occasions, it never worked out
- I have taken a few breaks from a few friends but managed to re connect. One of those people ended up becoming my current boyfriend

Under what circumstances would you refuse to reconcile with former friends?

- If they are a person who stabbed me in the back multiple times
-People who can't respect me as a person


What are some examples of someone that wanted to be friends with you, that you did not want to be friends with? Why?

I don't think I've ever had an actual falling out with a friend, not where I've had an argument and don't speak to them again.

Any friendships I've had just fizzle out. Longer and longer gaps between contact until it feels weird to start again. Or a marked imbalance where I'm the one doing all the work maintaining the friendship and I have to assume they just don't really care about it.

I just don't get angry enough to fall out with people most of the time.