KitLily wrote:
I hate seeing groups of happy, laughing friends enjoying themselves and knowing I will never have that.
I kind of had that at one time in my life, but they literally all moved away and I haven't been able to replace them.
A few years back I was on vacation and visited a waterfall. There was a group of college age young adults there taking a break from their summer vacation backpacking trip. It was a soul-crushing moment.
My parents asked me if I wanted to join Scouts as a child. I said no because I wasn't interested in trying new things (presumably because autism; I declined every extracurricular activity I wasn't forced to participate in). I didn't really appreciate outdoor recreation until after my college years. Backpacking is a struggle for me because I'm such a picky eater it's hard to find backpacker-friendly food. Even when I had a group of friends and we sometimes camped together almost none of them liked hiking. We were also all too broke at that point in our lives to go on any big trips; we stayed within a few hours of home.
Now that I can afford to take big vacations I usually have nobody to go with. I go by myself or not at all. And I often feel very lonely during my vacations. I know some people who love to travel solo. I would be much happier if I never took another vacation by myself for the rest of my life.
One of the places I feel loneliest is at a funeral. It's always very clear many of the attendees were much closer to the deceased on a personal level than I ever was. I'm there to pay my respects, but I don't belong there.
I'm not lonely all the time. I have interests that are solo activities, like reading. I just have to stay busy every waking moment.