Conversation ettique with gay friends

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A couple of the guys I know who I can talk to about just about anything, cognitively on the level (they're super-sharp) happen to be a couple. Really awesome guys, I think the world of them, and I'm really looking forward to visiting them again when I get a chance so we can catch up.

I was just on Facebook and reposted a picture someone made of a place with an AK-47 cookie cutter stencil where they have the cookie below it, I really don't think they used that mold because the 'gun' cookie came out looking so much like bait-and-tackle that it was a little 'too' perfect.

I had a moment when I was feeling clever and decided to repost that to my page with the caption 'Russian teacake!'. I got a few laughs and one of the friends I mentioned comment 'Well that's right up my alley'. Gave that a heart reaction, commented 'Well - if you're into semiautos as well we'll have to hit the range next time I'm down there!'.


Now here's the part that got a bit tricky. I followed that up with the comment 'I'm pretty sure Putin would stack these like Tony Montana stacked coke'.

I deleted that comment after thinking about it a bit more and realizing - the joke uses a punchline that in a way is derogatory.

I don't think I'd offend them easily but one of the tricks to being good at socializing is never being rude when you don't intend to be. What I'd really love to know, possibly from some of the gay WP'ers here, with your close straight friends, what that etiquette looks like - ie. what kinds of things they may 'think' might offend you and get over-guarded (I can't tell if my Putin comment would be in this category or not) as well as what kinds of things really do hurt feelings that you wish you could tell your straight friends without making them feel like they're on eggshells around you.

People here, at least in the Philosophy folder, probably know me as being slightly on the anti-woke side but it's in very particular contexts - ie. I want to be as good to people I meet, especially those who'll let me, as I can manage and that's regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. What does bother me is the Maoist color revolution style stuff or the psychopaths who pile in to anything that can possibly give them power, and they tend to pile up on the left because of all the activism and organizational loose-ends they can exploit (you can think of the hypocrisy at the top of BLM as an example). I'm still very much for human decency and I want to meet people where they are as well as I can.

You would probably get more answers to specific questions than to a request for general advice.

Regarding your general question, a Google search on "etiquette with gay friends" brought up the following:

- Etiquette Around Gay People, 101: A Primer for the Straight and Well-Intentioned - Butch Wonders
- Modern Etiquette: How do I befriend gay people? - New Zealand Herald
- 'He's My Partner, Not My Friend': A Primer On LGBT Etiquette - NPR
- Dos and Don’ts for Straight Allies - University of Illinois, Springfield.
- How to Be a Good Ally to Your LGBTQ Friends - Teen Vogue

Perhaps you might have more questions about some of the specific issues raised in these articles?

I thought the Teen Vogue was an excellent quick read on the subject.