auntblabby wrote:
^^^you're talkin' 'bout me, bub
i [my callow 20-something self] didn't know WTF i was doing in college, i just drifted and flailed about like a beached fish. i envied my fellow students who
ALL to a fkkking person KNEW with CERTAINTY what they were doing there, how to reach their respective goals, and that they were CERTAINLY going to reach their goals on or ahead of schedule, and live respectable middle-class lives and have financial security forever, with compatible mates effortlessly and fluently acquired soon along the way. i was envious and frankly angry, "
what am i, chopped liver?" as i shook my powerless fist at god or the master control program or whatever. what superior god were these gifted glib ones born under, what was the name of their magic mojo that at least mebbe i could try for myself?
I knew what I wanted, I just couldn’t attain the results needed.
My senior year In college, I nearly attempted suicide because I was involved in an independent study with my so-called academic advisor. This gentleman, if you want to call him that, was next to impossible to satisfy. Fortunately, the dean of the school of music found out my intentions, and pulled the plug on the independent study. At the end of the academic year, before graduation, the woodwind and vocal faculties asked me about my plans. I plainly told them I wanted to become a teacher. That’s when all hell broke loose. I got accused of everything but being human, was awarded my BA, and was told never to darken the school of music’s doors in my lifetime.
A year later, I applied to a different school of music, attempting to get my tracing certification. The dean at this school was also dubious, but at least he let my try to get my certification. Again, I failed miserably. However, the dean sat down with me and we had a very long talk. While I failed out of the school, he wished he could have made 3 clones of me, and put me on faculty, since he found out how hard a worker I really was. (I literally scared him, and most of the faculty with my background.). He recommended I attend graduate school to become a librarian. He had written a very glowing report on my to SUNY-Geneseo, which had a co-op program with the Eastman School of Music. While I was admitted to Geneseo, unfortunately, I got all my funding and application back, due to Geneseo closing down their library science program. The story of my life just went downhill from there.