Why do I try too hard to fit in with everyone else?

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I seem to remember times where even at school growing up I wanted to mix with people even with people who were not really friends with me even neurotypical people because I saw my autistic peers doing the same and socialising with them. But would barely get spoken to and even when I attended get-togethers with them it's like I wasn't always acknowledged.

Even when I first joined social media like Facebook, I found it frustrating because I didn't get enough likes or comments from people and used to envy those who had lists of 100 friends whereas I only ever had 30 or 35. I even tried to make myself feel more interesting by posting photos of my art at college, a concert I went to but I even took photos of things other people might consider "boring" like my house and so on. This was motivated due to seeing people going to parties, going out with friends etc. Eventually I lost interest and in the end almost used used Facebook as like diary to vent my frustrations and so on which I suppose didn't help either and instead of attracting people that just put people off.

Loneliness and a desire for acceptance?

It sounds like you are already aware and there is a common thread with all these threads - you are comparing yourself with other people. You are also already aware their situation is different than yours and that comparing yourself is unhelpful, yet continue to make comparisons anyway.

The good news is that this bad habit is one you have in common with most people, likely being biological on some level. You needn't blame yourself too much. Our species realized bad things tend to happen if the other apes in your community don't like you, which got impressed on our psych.

How to deal with it? Get off facebook and other social media, for starters. It's well established that social media is often psychologically harmful. It profits off of exploiting human psychology. If you find yourself making an unnecessary comparison with other people, tell yourself, "This is an unnecessary comparison I am making with other people. Their situation is not the same is mine." Then redirect yourself onto a meaningful activity in the moment. Do this as often as you need, even if it's every few seconds, without blaming yourself.

If you are genuinely worried about squandering your past, the last thing you should do is squander your present imagining what could have been. Instead, figure out what you should be doing right now. Also, consider social service, for example, through volunteering. Social engagement of this type correlates with general well being, whereas, say, alcohol use very much is not.

I don't know if you are religious at all, but that can be another reliable in to a community. If there are any religions you're interested in learning more about, there's a good chance people would be open to you participating to learn more. If you're Christian leaning, there are more open minded denominations that don't care if you agree with all the beliefs, along with the Unitarian Universalists. Otherwise there's every other religion. I get this isn't an option for everyone though - I was a very secular atheist for a long time myself.

I can give you a layered answer; only you can tell and decide which answer is more true.

- You want something to affirm your ego that you're not some freak or less than
- You're lonely deep down, you want to matter, you want someone to pay attention to you and who thought that you matter
- You fear being alone deep down, you want an ally, a friend, a company, the belonging and connection to affirm otherwise
- You fear missing things out because you're convinced that everyone went through with it, too
- You're convinced that socialization and being with people is the key to happiness and wellness, and you're chasing happiness and wellness
- You want assurance or reenacting of what did not happened in the past, or prove something you wish to be untrue to be wrong
- You want to be less alone, that there is someone who can or will understand you, to share and exchange things with you
- You actually want to serve, long to be a part of something bigger and feel a sense of purpose at large

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You are you! You don't have to be everyone else. You only have to be you!