On being Friendless

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I was born (not knowing) HFA. I did not understand what my problem was for most of my life. Things that happened to me seemed a great mystery to me.

For decades, I have been puzzled by my lack of friendships and how quickly friendships, once formed, seemed to end.

Seems to be a clocking ticking anytime a new acquaintance / friend is made, when the long hand gets to 12, it's over. It may seem unfair but people can be judgemental. There are a lot of other people in the world, and people decide they can do better for a friend, and drop you, then move on to someone else. We are regarded as disposable, because there are so many other people in the world. It is like the situation at the grocery store, you can always buy a different brand of cereal, right?

I explained my situation to an allistic person, my boss, this way. I have an 8-bit social CPU, but a 64-bit technical CPU. My energy wanes around other people, but waxes when I am alone, or on the rare occasions I was blessed with a close friend. I lose energy at parties and crowded events. They exhaust me, annoy me and bore me, usually. Definitely do not like loud music or bright lights. Allistic people like this sort of thing, and wonder why I don't want to attend mass gatherings of people.

I was also puzzled by erratic job history, not performing well in certain jobs, doing better in others. Always having difficulties with the social aspects.

Then, around mid-forties, I came to the conclusion, I have Asperger's. I remember reading the Wikipedia page and thinking, "Gee, the symptoms sound like me." I remember taking a lot of online tests. Now I have zero doubt.

Asperger's is like the key to a lock I have been trying to turn for forty, fifty years. Before, I felt like a failure, maybe I did not try hard enough? Now, I realize, I tried as hard as I could, but there were limits, weren't there? There were limits on what I could do. I just didn't see myself as limited. But now I know that I am.

To compensate for my difficulties in life, what I did was adopt a frugal lifestyle. It can be an advantage for the autistic person. If you don't like going out, then you can save money by staying home, and there is no need to live in a high cost of living area like a big city. You can live further out into the country, where the cost of living is cheaper. The more you can dispense with in life, the more you save.

I also like to have a cat. My cat loves me and is a great comfort. He sleeps with me at night. It is a great consolation to have such a friendship with another living creature. It may be too much to ask to expect a human friendship.

I think the #1 thing an autistic person should learn is to get along with well with animals, especially dog or cat. That way, you can have a friend for life. It make a big difference.

But what about all the upkeep required having a pet?

I'm with Herr Silber,
A pet is worth it.
Friends and lovers come and go, but the right pet sticks with you as long as it can.
This trajectory sounds all too familiar.

Pets only like you because they are dependent on you.
If pets could hunt or make an instagram influencer account they would be just as soulless.

I’ve never had a pet but I can understand the appeal. At the moment books are my substitute for friends

The animals they call mankind...

Oh well, that doesn't matter to me, it goes without saying, that is the nature of living creatures on this planet, and they have souls, just not souls that want to commit 100% to another bag of bones, ha ha. I reckon if I died, then my cats would have about 2 months of good eating, ha ha.

Yes, you know what, pets could give a hoot about autism, or any other disability, or the way you look. As long as you are nice to them...that is all that matters to them.

I have stacks of book, ready to read when my current job ends, and two cats that seem to accept me. They have few demands other than, food!! !

I don't think I can play hockey with a dog, so I really need to focus on how to socialize with the only animal that can play.