Had Enough (Socially)

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I just don't know what to do anymore with my friends and that.

No, I don't have social anxiety, and no, I'm not socially isolated, I just don't wish to go out with my friends anymore.

The only friends I've got, and they ask me to go out, and I make up a lie and say no, can't make it.

I'm stuck whether to stay at home or go out with them. Either way, I get NO benefit, or feel any better.

And yet, I feel ever so guilty of myself for not making 1 decision or the other, and am stuck and confused.Wasting my summer holidays indoors, even though (I've tried it I know it's proof) that the outdoors does me no better.

I just don't know what to do with these handful of friends anymore.

For more info on them, see my other topic "Social Dilemma" seeing how I'm stuck in one.

I know your taking prozac to. It has alot of features that make it superior to other SSRI's for males but I'm fairly certain now it has very low pro-social effects compared to other SSRI's I've used such as: paxil and zoloft. Basically your having strong social avoidance like me. The last person I touched was dead two days ago and the last person I talked to was about dealing with that dead man.

I have gone through "cycles" where I have no interest in being around other people.It's to much work and I dont get anything positive from it.It is boring to me and takes away from my interests.It is very difficult for most NT's to understand this.They feel personaly rejected and lose interest and develope friendships with people who are more reliable.his has deffinately gotten more intense in my late 20's and 30's.


I now try and warn people here that I am a "bad" friend.I cant predict or control these cycles.I am not avoiding people because I dislike them and they are often in my thoughts through out the day,I just have nothing to say to them(unless they have an interest in my current "interest" and dont mind having their ears burned off,listening to it).I am probably the most "social" I have ever been on WP,because AS happens to be my interest.

Perhaps you can let your friends know that you are "going through something" right now and that it doesnt mean you dont like them but just dont feel like socializing.The real friends will stick with you until you feel the need to socialize.Some may agree to limited socialization,like Pm or email or coming over to play vidio games for short periods of time.Some will decide that it's not worth their time to maintain a relationship with you.I think just letting them know that you are not intentionaly rejecting them,may help.

Krex, I've let them know before, but they just ignore this fact, and try and cheer me up by asking me to go out.

They don't understand, that I'm medically depressed, and they think I'm just going through adolescence and "having a bad day".

OH,that sounds sooo familiar.NT solutions for AS issues.This makes the concept of aspie issues of ToM seem so absurd.I have yet to meet an aspie herre who has worse theory of mind then all the NT's in my history.Their ToM goes no further then their own NT minds.

I know you do have depression issues but done confuse aspie need for "solitude" with NT depression,resulting in social with drawl.I believe we need some of this "withdrawl" to recharge.The more growth we are experiencing,the more time we need to ourselves.If you except this as part of who we are instead of worrying that your not "normal","defective",whatever,it will help with some of the stress level and depression.(IMHO).

Thanks for that Krex.

John, how come you don't have a clue of what to do?

Because right now, I'm confused, and miserable and my psychiatrist and my mum are out of any ideal, or useful suggestions.

I'm glad you have nice, caring people in your life!

I have 2 NT friends or 'associates' who I often see in my classes, but often I prefer not to talk to them at times, or sit near them. Often they will chatter if sat next to each other and they don't actually get the work done, whereas I do.

I know how you feel by not wanting to talk to your friends. Is it because you don't want to give a false image of yourself by compromising your behaviour for your friends' sake?

My acquaintances accept the way I am but I don't like it when they joke about all the time.

Yeah, same here.

Yes, I don't like "putting on a front", as I see it as lying, and hard to do. My depression just spills over, and because of my manic episodes, that only happen at night, I don't really want to walk 8 miles in the dark, and have a laugh then.

Anyway, thanks for the advice dude.

My fiends made fun of me a lot and refused to believe AS was real.

What I can't believe is how anti social they are and yet are NT. They watch tv together , or go to the buffet. That's it. I can't believe someone would CHOOSE to cut themselves off like they have.

So when I eventually crawl out of this funk I'll try to make a new social group.

You know what's strange? As hard as dating can be it's even harder going up to a dude and saying "you wanna be my friend?"

Did you mean fiends or friends?

Sorry,(Why isn't there a spellcheck on this?)

Theyr'e too (voluntarily) pitiful to be feindish. Too self absorbed.

I understand what you're talking about. This year I have become the most social I have ever been in my life. I talk to random people and like it, it gives me energy. But lately ive noticed that when i come home, something doesnt seem right so i just lay down and get on my laptop or take a bath. I think the problem could be that i am over doing it a bit. Also the other day i went to a meeting for this committe i was sort of in, and i could tell a person didnt want me to be there. That ruined my entire day, i got mad, depressed, over critical of myself and so on.

I am chronically depressed and take lexapro 20mg which helps i guess lol. The thing i hate most about social situations is that i have to be prepared for anything. Like the other day my friends were talking about a subject that i had no knowlege of and i felt like the village idiot. It seems like i have to put on a front a lot to be pretend to be normal. If you are afraid to go to the socail gatherings for certain reasons, you should list them on this thread. I think you should take a logical approach to see why you feel the way you do. If you are making up excuses to not go, then there is definately a good reason to not, or just a reason why you feel that way.

Heh, well... im 25 and have plenty of social experience, so ive been where you are. I must say that its not a good idea to tell your buddies u r depressed, it will show them that you may not be stable. NT's like stable guys they can chill with. Not ones that appear to be mental. (i dont wanna offend anybody who is experiencing depression, but seriously, would u tell anybody and think that itll help ya socally).

I think its healthy to sometimes say no to socilization, but you must also sometimes say yes, even when u dont want to. NT's see the world far different then us, to them socalizing will solve their problems, where as for us we need alone time and socializing only makes the problem worse.

If you are having a hard time, be truthful (dont say u r depressed, but say you are dealing with issues right now and cant chill) hmm... maby thats not being truthful... well... as long as you get the idea.

Let them know of course you will be all about chillin when things imrpove, but you may need to accept a few calls, PM's visits and you may even need to get out brefily and make an apperence to show u r still into chillin with them.

keep us posted, and try and get out sometime this week and hang with your buddyes, otherwise you may loose them.