Feeling Embarrassed and Second-Guessing

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Hi, I just need to vent.

I feel bad because I might have misjudged a friend who also leads a group I volunteer for. I initially thought their text sounded passive-aggressive (it was a work related text), so I ended up snapping back. But now I'm second-guessing myself and feeling embarrassed. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m dreading having to face them now. I wasn't abusive or overly rude... I just replied with "Wow" and then tried to clarify what i was saying to begin with.

The reason I interpreted the text as passive-aggressive is because I've noticed this person behaving that way in person as well. We were close friends for a short time, but things have soured between us. I know they've often made mean or passive-aggressive comments to other people too, which likely influenced my reaction.

Anyway, I’m sure someone can relate. Passive-aggressive behavior is so confusing and upsetting.

You are allowed to snap back at someone without feeling embarrassed about it, Elwyn. We all have moods that vary and we inevitably slip up sometimes, even when our intention it to be nice.

You sound like you are overthinking this particular occurrence. Even if you misjudged someone and made a negative remark to them, I'm sure they will forgive you quickly if you move on and communicate optimistically with this person in the future.

I am sorry to hear you are feeling frustrated with somebody possibly being passive aggressive, however.

Sometimes we don't know what has definitely occurred in text messages. As you mention, text messages can be difficult to decipher from another person and sometimes how we come across in text can be difficult to estimate also. That doesn't stop us from analyzing things though, does it?

If this forum had a thumbs up feature then I would have thumbed-up all of the posts here, but have nothing further to add other than I received a clunker text just last week. I called a text a clunker when there is no way to respond to it without escalation or time-consuming elaboration. I decided in the moment to make no response at all. That turned out to be the best strategy. It is not necessary to always defend, and sometimes bothering with defense can be counter-productive. You just accept that the missile was cast in your direction and watch it as it falls to the ground, ineffective.

There is an old Zen monk saying. "When among fools, silence is best."